For your poems.
Within our created walls,
we seem to falter.
To others we seek,
comfort and shelter.
But it is you whom needs you the most.
Inside you hold the diagnose.
Someone came by
and started to peek behind
this smiling mask I had,
and when they saw the broken pieces
hiding behind it,
they began to pick them up.
I found that behind their smile
lay a thousand shattered pieces.
One by one
we are putting each other back together.
till I’m right on the edge
I take a look at the bottom
And I know it will hurt hitting ground
But I don’t think that I’d mind the falling.
Would anyone know?
Is there anyone watching?
I’m getting crazy ideas in my head
and I don’t think I’m able to stop them.
On the edge of the battlefield
My mind falters
The asperity of self hatred
Bearing down on me
You knew this day would come
A time to pay for what you’ve done
Hopes crushed, dreams lost
In the stain on my hands
My cold pale heart
Buried next to you
The walls of this prison
Built with pain and sorrow
The fantasy revoked
Like my lease on life
It’s time to return
To where I belong
To the darkness that consumes
The emptiness that beckons
The pain that eases
My attempts at life
A joke in their own right
So douse this flame
With the strands of infinity
Hang me out to dry
Soaking in regret
The taste of failure
Fresh on my lips
A web of confusion
Clouding my thoughts
Nothingness closes in
This […]
my teacher the other week made me write an i am from poem.. i hated it, but now i feel like i can write a real one, who reflects who i actually am
i am from everlasting irrational fears about the most unrealistic situations
i am from sleepless nights thinking about the unanswerable questions and feeling scared to dream
i am from a good home, yet i still have problems,
which is something my foster sister will never understand
i am from being made fun of because of my race,
something that i had no control over
i am from jumbled thoughts that never seem to cease
i am from rainy days that are […]
“Wanting to die, is a sin”
Our English teacher read that line. I was in shock. I could hear people whispering and laughing. No one seemed to care. How could she say that? How could the author of the book write about that? How do they want people to admit that they have been wanting to die when they are being taught that it is a sin? Telling us that, would only make us wish we were dead already. We have already got the sin, haven’t we? Why wait around and collect more sins by thinking the way we do? Wanting to die isn’t a choice, […]
Ever since school started I haven’t been posting since I barley have time to breathe. I visited the hospital about 2 weeks ago since the headaches and chest pain proceed. The doctor gave me pills for a week and immediately checked my oxygen level thinking it had something to do with my asthma. After we left the hospital my parents gave me shit not only because the doctor said it was nothing but also because I forgot my identity card at home. I’m starting to forget things for some reason and I want it to stop. If I keep on forgetting things I won’t be […]
Halcion, you’re my friend.
But Halcion, where have you been?
When I slept with you there was no option to wake.
As if a dreamful slate of life appeared just for the take.
And it was beyond great to never arise.
From a slumber which no words could surmise.
I can do whatever I want in my dreams.
Beyond my wildest fantasies so it seems.
Yet when I dream all day and night to never face reality.
I might as well shut my life down, mark me as another casualty.
But like I’ve always stated, I’m too afraid to jump.
I’ll stand there, slowly emotions […]
Nipping at your heels
The nothing that steals
Seething, breathing
I can’t stand this feeling
Manifesting itself, in the hidden shelf
Of your mind
The hellscape in yourself, that you find
Real or not
It’s coming
Ready or fraught
Never whole again
Time stands still
The nothing that you feel
It’s like you’ve been here before
The blackness within
Fruitless battles rival, original sin
It’s so deeply ingrained
You can’t wash away the stain
It feels like you’ve slipped away
You know you’ll never sleep again
Let me just give up, Let me just let go,
If this isn’t good for me, well I don’t wanna know.
Let me just stop trying, let me just stop fighting,
I don’t want your good advice or reasons why I’m alright…
I dunno guys, I mean if anyone is even fucking reading this that is, but I’m used to being ignored so it’s okay if no one is. But okay so I was saying: I dunno, this is how I feel about this stuff.
I mean everyone on this website is here for a reason, we all have a certain tendency or perhaps curiosity, we’re all at different stages, but whenever I see people actually planning things for real I get so sad. I get sad because […]
This may be goodbye
I may remain for some time
I leave on my terms
I’ve been writing my goodbyes for a long time. They’ve never been quite right. They start out with gratitude and subtle apology but I get lost after that. I don’t feel grateful or sorrowful. I don’t feel much beyond the negative spectrums anymore. I’ll get brief bursts, like sun bursts through the clouds, but they are gone often while still happening. I have lived for myself but it was empty. I have lived for others and repeatedly failed in it. I have lived in transition while searching for solutions and believing that there must be another way.
Day after day it gets harder to breathe. I […]
I feel like I’m stuck in this odd living limbo
Being torn between the desire to live and watch you grow
Or die and help you heal
My love for you three is pure
But my brain spoils it for you
It’s sick and decaying
Trapping me inside it as it try’s to drag me down into the pits of hell
My love is light and full of hope that flutters me to the surface of the darkness
Every harsh word and cold exchange tears a piece of the good in you away
I see the pain rise up to your faces when the darkness […]
Lately I’ve ben having these migraines that take everything that’s in me to stand. It’s not new, I used to have them daily until they somehow, the same pain transferred to my stomach. I got it checked out by a doctor long back and he gave me pills and said I was fine to go. Now the pain is back and it’s stronger than ever. I’m not being over dramatic or anything but it hurts to the point where I actually think there’s something wrong with me. Before I got back to my country I got a strong one and I literally cried myself to […]
Things are back to getting worse. I don’t know if I can proceed anymore, go threw all the upcoming months, get a year older, it’s just too much. I still have to finish high school and I don’t know how to feel about that. I want to escape. Get as far away as I can from this country but in order to do so I’ll have to get a scholarship and because of my background I don’t think I’ll be able to get one. Even if I do get one, I won’t be accepted for who I am, or at least I don’t think I […]
I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s like there is more than one soul in me. I have to make a choice, either be too kind and suffer the consequences or be heartless and later come crashing down. I could also just stay the way I am right now but the thing is I don’t feel fine. I could never stay like this. Ignoring the way I feel is killing me. I’m just tired and sick of this life. I feel so selfish, I have everything I need to be able to survive yet I’m still depressed. I just can’t go back. Summer is […]
One thing i´ve always thought of is that it´s so scary when someone mentally ill and suicidal (me) falls in love. We start feeling whole again. Like we´ve got a purpose, a reason to be here and a reason to start and try.
But one thing that really scares me and hurts me inside to think of is that; what happens when the person who´s saved me leaves? What happens when the person takes away all the hope and love and beauty and rip out all the stitches they used to put in their partner together again and the broken soul is left worse than they […]
I want to end my life, But i want to end it in a way that doesnt hurt the people around me. I’ve come to learn that this life really aint for me, i tried for so many years to stay strong and fight the pain Im feeling, But its absolutely impossible and Nobody really understands the mental illness Im going through. I dont really like to talk about my depression to a lot of people, Cause they think that Im calling for attention or that its no big of a deal. But i really wish They knew What Im going through
My biggest problem is […]
Hi. I just wanted to get my thoughts off and just rant. Anyone else think the house is just a prison? Your parents just owners? Granted that depends on who you have as parents, so it begs the question, if they aren’t doing their job properly in raising a child, why even have one? Like why have children only to condemn them and never support or encourage them? I’m not asking much, there’s certain responsibilities they obviously need to fulfill due to the child’s inability to look after themselves, such as picking them up from school when they’re young. Other than that, anything negative that […]