I heard something, that I shouldn’t have. That’s all it took and now I want to rage quit on life. I guess we bury it so deep, that it’s not even visible to us, until someone else reminds us. It’s 4:32 am and I want to self harm. The harm’s already in my head afterall. Why couldn’t I get upset at a more convenient time. Now I have no one to talk to.
Category:
Rants
I was meant to be better, so much better.
I’ve been happy, so much happier.
but it always comes back, the sadness, it’s overwhelming.
the urge to kill myself just doesn’t leave, it comes back screaming and fighting.
I don’t want to die
but I need to die
I need to.
Day after day, minute after minute, I live in pure frustration and desperation. I want to know what’s wrong with this head of mine, but I can’t figure it out. No doctor or therapist will truly listen to me but that’s beside the point. I need to know why I am the way I am because not knowing is killing me quite literally and I don’t know what to do. I can’t trust anyone. I am sensitive, so people’s words and actions are very powerful. If someone tries to see my scars for fun or because “they have to” things don’t end well. […]
I’ve tried recovery countless times, but each time I failed and relapsed. I don’t know what to do anymore. It hurts so bad, I can’t breathe. I tell myself I have no real reason to feel this way because I have all the support I need, but it doesn’t help if I don’t know how to trust anyone. Every best friend I’ve ever had has left me more broken than before, so I’ve given up on having friends. I tell myself that the people I call friends are my friends so I’ll feel less alone. I pretend to trust them, but I don’t. I tell […]
I’m trying to keep my head above water but I feel like I’ve lost all hope, my therapist isn’t helping so come next week my therapist is going to be fired, therapy was my last hope I’ve tried getting help since I was 16 and, 15 years later still no help. I comfort eat, comfort shop and that’s why I’m broke all of the time. My teeth are rotting but because of my autism and my dentist being poor and not understanding I was fired from the only dentist in the area. I have very little energy in the day and I don’t really want […]
it is really hard to love an emotionally blocked parent who expects honor and special treatment but tries to control and dismiss you at the same time. As someone with emotionally immature parents, I do not get my emotional needs met. They have very little interest in experiencing emotional intimacy. They always demand attention but coupled with their wariness about intimacy, there is a very strange push-me, pull-me relationship. It is unsatisfying and causes you to be emotionally lonely. I care about my parents, but I can’t and won’t ever get close enough to have a real relationship. I am very thankful that I have […]
Sometimes i feel like i can’t do this anymore. I have a lot of issues, i know but how do they all stem from one point? I have been suffering with weight issues for a long time now, since 4th grade. And i can’t lose it no matter how hard i try. Because of that i compare myself to everyone, like “Look at her, she’s skinny and so beautiful” or “why can’t i look like that?” That comparing of looks and weight turned into me comparing myself to others about intelligence. When i don’t understand something i freak out and beat myself up for not […]
Being lgbt is hard sometimes
I can’t drink anymore because of what it does to my body but I need something to stop feeling. I have other coping mechanisms but nothing numbs everything like alcohol does. When I was younger I always thought I’d end up as an alcoholic or a drug addict. This reality is too hard to stomach on its own. My meds help but not with depression.
Wtf do I do without alcohol?
I am so tired of managing symptoms, talking to therapists, restraining urges, surviving, getting by, never living as more than that for more than a second. I don’t get anything from therapy anymore. Talking doesn’t make it any easier. That’s why I’m posting here, I just want to get it out, not to be listened to.
I need to stop for a moment. I need to lie down and hibernate or stop existing just for a break. I’m so tired of management and the dry, crushing boredom of ‘recovery’.
Life feels like an endless loop of cleaning up one problem after another and nothing but numbness in […]
and already feel stuff a minor shouldn’t feel at an early age. I can’t just do it anymore my parents have high expectations in me and I have to carry all of them, they compare me to everybody that’s better than me, get angry at little stuff, if only I wasn’t a honor student would they change? I love them so much as my parents but why can’t they understand that I’m a real human being and have my own opinions and paths? I know they are just trying to make me top notch but even harassed my girl bestfriend cause they thought I was […]
FUCKING DAMN ITTTTTT!!!!!! I FOUND THE ONE THING, ONE BELIEF, A PRACTICE THAT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD, LIKE I ACOMPLISH SOMEHING WHENEVER I DO SOMETHING RELATED TO IT RIGHT???!!? WELL GUESS WHAT APPARENTLY I CAN’T HAVE THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I’M ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING. WHO FUCKING CARES IF IT’S NOT REAL. IT FUCKING MAKES ME HAPPY!!!! IS THAT REALLY BOTHERING YOU, A RANDOM ASS PERSON ONLINE???!??! CAN’T I JUST FUCKING HAVE FUN???? LOOK WHAT YOU DID! NOW I’M DOUBTING THE EXISTANCE OF WHAT I PRACTICE! ISN’T THAT FUCKING PECULIAR!!!! IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?? WAS THIS YOUR GOAL??? TO […]
Utterly annoyed with life. I can not even talk to my spouse about any coping mechanism I use as to not yell or scream or hit…. without him getting triggered and abusive. I can not live like this anymore.
I want to run. Run until I can find an end. Run away over the streets, the cars, the houses… run away from everything and everyone. I will run. I will live. I will not give into any death call or abuse. I will survive!
But, until I can run I will stay here taking care of my little one. making her life better and get her away […]
im not ready to go to college. the future used to seem so far away and now that it’s nearly on top of me, its so much. i want this stress and expectations to end, and the easiest way to do that is by not living anymore. there’s nothing for me especially with the world going to shit. i wish this was a kinder place.
Everything is so stressful, I’m getting to the point where I’m planning suicide. I want to OD but at the same time k don’t want to I want to continue on and live my life I can’t die now I want to die when I’m 30 or something. I just want the pain to end. I would go into therapy but that would take months and my family can’t afford that. I feel so helpless my parents don’t even believe that I’m depressed. I try to tell them that I’m not ok but they just completely invalidate my feelings. The other day I was having […]
i hate not having money
i feel like my family has a good amount of money and i am grateful but there are so many things that my parents accept that i really cant
i have the biggest goals in my life and for some reason its the reason why im sad half the time.
i wanna be fit and healthy but our shower barely works and healthy food is too expensive
we dont even need to accept such a bad shower, we could just move soemwhere else. its not even fixable.
and i know this is petty but i share my room with my […]
It’s been a rough couple of years when it comes to my love life. Mainly I was broken up with, because he said he was bored. not only that, but months after the break up I found out that he had cheated on me. So that was two and a half years ago, and now I have pushed away any form of love from anyone. If someone likes me I tell them not to just to keep my feelings safe. I know I’m scared of getting hurt again. But like I also don’t want a relationship because I don’t feel anything for anyone. Like I’m […]
I am so frustrated with life. I can not help the urge to end it all. I barley sleep. I only eat because I have to raise my 21 month old ensuring she is healthy to have a happier life than me… Every night I want to get up out of my bed, grab a knife, and stab myself… but I can not. I have to many obligations to this world that I put on myself. I hate it here. I really want to leave. I want life to be easier. Even if I didn’t have all these things going on in my life, I […]
Hello. This is more asking for your opinions than ranting.
I know I’m not the first one or the last one to say what I’mma say. I know I’m subjective since I am in depression, and this is not well documented, it’s only based on my personnal experience, and what I see on the internet.
In our societies (at least western developped ones, sorry for all the other users, I just talk bout what I know), are people getting… worse? Worse, for people ? Well, yes. Worse overall. And standards are lowering. Let me explain. I want to know if you agree with these points:
First obvious point:
softer […]
It’s not that I don’t want to do things, I really do. But I have absolutely no passion or positive drive to do them, or to even make myself happy. I want to consume substances, anything that will cloud my mind long enough so that I have at least a few hours outside of reality so that I can keep rolling on.
I just look at myself and see nothing while everyone else does what they love without a second thought.
Even though I am trying to not abuse alcohol or drugs, I find myself day dreaming or binging Youtube instead. I don’t want to be sober, […]