I don’t want to live for another minute. I’m 22 and I don’t want to make it to 23. I’m sick of being alone. I’m sick of having no friends, no one to turn to, and no one to rely on. I was put on this earth with a fucked up brain. I have bipolar disorder which goes hand in hand with the severe depression. And if that wasn’t enough, I have insomnia that keeps me up at night and ADD so I can never concentrate for more than 5 fucking minutes. I hate it. I haven’t felt happy for so god damned long. Being […]
Rants
Why do I keep thinking of the consequences and guilt whenever I’m on top of a building or anywhere I could jump?
Having a drug-user(plus unforgettable hatred) father, unstable mother, brother with anger management issue, another brother with high IQ and a depressed girlfriend is hard.
And now I’m bitching on the internet about it. I suck.
it’s hard to wake up everyday miserable and defeated. Realizing I have another day to face. I lose more and more each day I get worse life gets worse just when I thought I cant get anymore down I find a way. I have to see the very noticeable scars I created on myself and be reminded how broken I am and will always be. There is nothing and I mean nothing good about me inside and out. How can i ever change I cant. I feel hated by everyone I lost the few friends I had. They have better friends without cuts friends that […]
I’m such a fucking waste of space. How could anyone love a girl who can’t even love herself? Who cares about a girl who scars her own skin? There’s no pretty way to tell you I want to die. I just want to feel something other than hate and emptiness. I dream about taking a bottle of pills, slitting my wrists, but part of me wants it to be an accident, so I don’t seem like the coward I am. If a car hit me, it would be a blessing. A few years ago, I would of told you that I felt beautiful, strong, popular. […]
Angry all the time. Lost. Frustrated. Tired. Angry at the world and at myself. Still blood dripping down my face from getting in a fight with my brother and getting angry about being weak and cutting my temple just to let go of some of the anger. Girlfriend of 4 yrs got angry and walked out, and rightly so. It’s hard to fight the enemy when the enemy is yourself. I……just don’t know what to do anymore, and maybe I never did. I can’t do this anymore. But I don’t know how to change. Been on meds, counseling, you name it…..I just…..still trying to figure […]
Hey (goodbye).
I’m kinda messed up right now, I’m feeling pretty bad though I could probably stop feeling this way; I just don’t want to. I’m not sure why but I kind of enjoy feeling sad, I guess in the same way that I like self-harm; maybe it’s the same thing. This probably isn’t healthy but I’m not, so it might be alright. I guess I’m just fucked, I hate myself and I think I might kill myself tomorrow not that it matters.
I’ll go to the student services room at school, sign off there, catch the train home and hang myself.
I’m sure it […]
Its been 5 minutes and I already miss her I miss many in the end were all alone so why have I driven them away so early I’m sorry to everybody and to E I wish I was enough today its obvious I never will be I miss everyone I truly am alone and I cant cope with that too long being alone so alone
One’s problems don’t mean jack-s**t in the world.
Unless someone can make money off of it, or benefit in some way, it will remain useless and repelled.
Even a mother doesn’t care what her son’s been through.
Or maybe that’s just mine.
Yeah, probably just mine.
Man, I feel like I for once was right about something. This website is already proving amazing. My previous vent helped me through the day, and upon logging on again and seeing a couple encouraging comments, I feel I can fully breathe again. Well, at least for today.
Tomorrow is a different story, but we’ll talk about and deal with that when we get there. Seriously though, this website is my new go-to place. I’ve kept diaries in the past, but my older sister snoops through them and at times would have the nerve to leave comments she believed encouraging. On the contrary, they were quite […]
I’m not a selfish person. I’ve been told suicide is selfish. People will miss you, greive, feel guilt, brcw depressed themselves. Your parents. Siblings. Friends. Grandparents. Extended family. They’ll hurt. Some, forever. My parents, especially my mother, will be forever grieving.
My life is good. Good job, family, friends, lifestyle, living conditions, amentities… There is not much i need that I don’t have. Sure I’m single, but I’m seeing someone, kind of, and he’s great. Other guys ask me out, I have to turn them down.
But still I can’t shake this.
I feel like I’m spiralling down a rabbit hole.
I don’t want to get up in the […]
As i’m sitting here, home alone, typing this, i’m feeling slightly hopeful for this website. I don’t know how many people are active here. I don’t even know if I really care. All I know is that I need a place to vent when I need to, and this place caught my eye. I would like to begin by just venting about my setting. I’m sitting here at a kitchen dining room table that’s littered with used kleenex- 15 of them, my OCD made me count-, a red face, and a wadded up suicide note. Kidding about the last thing. I have a need to […]
Everything is messy. It’s the messed up kind of messy, the disorganized messy, and the kind to be looked down upon.
I’ve come to realize a couple things. The things I think are not truly what I feel or what I believe in or how I am. I thought that the reason I cut myself was for the rush, but all my reasons for cutting feel like excuses and they often contradict each other. Willpower- I thought it had something to do with willpower. I thought it made me feel stronger if I could withstand greater pain (I’m fully aware that that is idiotic looking at […]
I don’t want to live life, it bores me… and I have not enough will power to do things. I’m lazy. Do you think I could do something about my life?
It all started when I was little. I would look up at other kids doing things and I would wonder: why? why are they doing all that? I know, there are existentialist questions and I am kinda existentially depressed. The meds cannot get as far as my body and I do feel better physically, I don’t feel stress as intensely as before and I don’t think about suicide. And yet, I do think that suicide is the only way to end life because that’s the obvious truth. I don’t want to live it, it’s beautiful but boring. I have lived on this earth for nineteen […]
I don’t know why people keep connecting with me. I know it’s flattering and some people might actually would do anything to get that but it’s rather hard for me. I know spending time with friends would take me away from my problems for a while and that is nice but I know I’m going to be an ass and ruin it. I don’t even know if I’m being an ass or not. I don’t know if people accept me or just trying to keep a profile. I am weird and extremely moody. One shit can hurt me like what AM I!?
I am fine being […]
It’s hard to deal with this as a Christian. I feel so guilty…
I know I’m supposed to forgive, or else I won’t be forgiven. I know I’m supposed to pray for those who hurt me, but it’s not always easy. I’m having flashbacks of things my parents said to my brother and I
No one will ever want you
When you move out, don’t come back
You’re trash
You’ll never be anything
You’re a motherfucking piece of shit, you know that?
And did
locking him in a closet
making him sit outside for hours as they kept the door locked
“Spanking” us until they saw blood
And more. I don’t want this to affect the rest of life, I want to forget, but I can’t . I […]
The only thing that meant to me before I met my love and my life quickly became complete nothingness and complete shit i wait everyday for that chance to prove myself and become one of the few the proud and before I know it I will maybe thats what keeps me going everyone could use some reason some motivation
I’m gonna fucking kill myself soon, I almost did today, but like all the other times I backed out because I’m a fucking failure and a coward. I’m sorry to everyone for having to know that I exist, but don’t worry because I’m going to be gone soon.
Never occurred to me I could be in a world with so many people and yet feel so alone. Used to think talking would help. It did. But then i lived long enough to grow up. Talking is a waste of time and i dont care to trouble people with my issues. Rough life … Sure but i know others have had it worse than me. My mind and spirit isnt better than the next person nor my tolerace and ability to recover. There is no organ transplant for a damaged spirit. Religion and relationships are wishful thinking. I earn my living helping to ease […]
I’ve been having thoughts of ending my life. Again. Nothing is gray though. Everything is just mediocre. My life, my emotions, my future. I don’t want it. I want to feel like in the movies. It sounds weird but they’ve got color, emotions, people who fight for it and win. I’ve been fighting for a long time to better myself, but it hasn’t been working.
The crazy thing is that I envy the disorders that prevent empathy or feeling. I catch myself wanting to not feel at all, especially when my life is going to the shit bucket. I’ve tried porn, sex, drugs, booze, but they barely work and […]
When i was six i was molested by my cousin went i was seven all my cousins and brothers where involved then i was raped at 15 on my birthday while growing up with an abusive family i met a boy i fell for him was faithful while he wasnt and he turned to beating me. I have no family no friends and am about to loose my home because some jerk photo shopped a picture a nudy one and posted it all over fb… i no longer want to try fight or anything… i just wanna die im alone and i was always told […]