I cry. But then i’m ok. I don’t understand either. I fell in love. He fell in love, But not with me. My best friend. or was. I dont know anymore. They kiss, they hug, they touch, They break my heart one piece at a time. I feel like my hearts in his hands and he broke it then threw it away. And as hard as i search i just can NOT find it. I ruin every opptunity for someone to help me find it. I can’t go on like this. I just can’t.
Rants
(Apologies for the stream of consciousness)
I appreciate it seems silly to start my first post titled day 5, but today is 5 days after I decided that I could make things better by simply deciding that they can be… Let me explain.
I’ve been depressed before, well I was depressed for about 8 years with some real consistency, I attempted suicide that people know about 3 times, only once was really serious… outside of those 3 times I used to take overdoses regularly just to numb things. But that all seemed to end about 5 years ago, or at least I was distracted from it or […]
SO, yesterday i went to school, i am in 7th grade so i am in middle school. At school me and my two friends Reina and Kiana tried the butterfly project, so i have 4 butterflys on my thigh and palm. ANyways after we did that and went to lunch, this big “popular” 8th grader sits on the table me and my friends were sitting at with his friends. And starts making fun of cutters. Me and my friends wouldn`tt stand for it so we told him off about how disrespectful and hateful that is, then we told how nobody really likes him, cuz it`s […]
I know this is long but I need to get it out. I am privileged, I have never wanted for anything really. I am a senior in college and it was all paid for. I never had to work and was able to travel a lot. Please don’t judge me for the rest of my story based on this.I know it jumps around but my mind is a bit like that most of the time.
I guess I will start from the beginning. I come from a very successful family, and I am nothing. My sisters are lawyers and bankers, my mother is a very well […]
I want to die. I keep hurting people, and I try my hardest not to. I try to show everyone how much I love them and how much I care, but I suck at showing emotions.
My ex cries every time she thinks about me because I hurt her so bad. We had so many problems. I tried to be perfect. I tried to be the amazing person she deserved, but all I did was fuck up and hurt her time after time.
My ex and I don’t talk anymore, but now I have a new-ish friend, and her and I […]
Long story, so apologies, but I’m at the point where I’d rather rant to faceless people on the internet than admit to anybody around me that I worry. This year has been horrendous, and I just don’t know how to keep hope anymore. This time last year, my Great-Grandmother died. We were really close and she helped me grow up, so it was a huge loss. Unfortunately, I decided to bury my head in the sand and concentrate on my exams, ignoring the fact that she ever died and I still haven’t accepted it really to this day. Although my school-work is of a good […]
He hit me. Just once he hit me. I cant forget it and I cant stop myself from flinching everytime a man/boy gets near me to fast. My life has been hell for the last 3 days and I feel so scared all of the time. I’m scared to leave my bed, I’m scared to argue with him, scared that if he gets angry I am going to get hurt…
should I report him?
I am afraid of people.
I am trying to overcome this fear.
Right now I can only manage to pretend to be a silly clown and make sure each and every person I meet will laugh or smile and think of me not as a threat. I run away from any type of confrontation, I am afraid of raised hands, I am afraid of small spaces and the idea of not being able to escape from a place, a deal, a promise, a contract. I am afraid of men I do not know, men who are not happily married, teenage boys that look like men. I am afraid […]
I just spent the whole day at work sittin oan my arse at my desk silently greetin’ to myself. Trying to hide the tears from my boss and getting absolutely nae work done! There really was no point getting out of bed this morning!
I couldn’t take my mind off the abortion, and what’s more the radio kept on debating about it and it’s bloody morality!
It wis a right nightmare o’ a day so now i’m goin tae the shop getting myself some cold beer and drinking the rest ah the day away!
I’m sick fed up o feelin like this i just go from […]
I want it all to end. I want to leave everything behind. I’m tired of going to school and putting on a happy face, but I have to because at my school if you show that there’s actually something actually wrong people judge you, and they think you’re “acting” sad to get attention. I don’t have friends that I’m comfortable enough to talk to about my problems. I have one friend that I have talked to about some stuff and she didn’t understand, she stopped being my friend after I told her. Everything for me changed when I told her because she let everyone else know […]
I don’t feel loved.
I’ve been struggling with thoughts of suicide for over two years now and I can never get over them. Some days I feel perfect; I’m happy and I feel like I can make it through the day. Other days are far beyond my control. It’s difficult enough trying to make it through my first semester of college. I feel like I am going to fail all of my classes. I’ve lost hope in trying to salvage what I can from my life. My friends… Very few of them understand my situation. They’re oblivious to the fact that I feel miserable. I’m actually […]
Breathing, gasping for air as you are shoved through a long, tight, narrow space. Brightness. Everything hits you so hard. All of the sudden you are no longer safe, the warmth and comfort of the stable darkness quickly vanishes. Unexposed to anything bad, this is the beginning of your life. What will your story be? You could be anything, do anything. Your innocence is perfect. You are perfect. Everyone loves you, it is overwhelming. So many hands, so much touching. It so different than floating freely. But your happy, this new world is nice and it welcomes you with open arms. You drift slowly to […]
So this is my first post and I just want to say that my life is full of shit as I’m sure some (or most) of yours are too. I don’t have anyone who can hold me and try to make me feel better in my dire time of need. I already made a plan to kill myself. I even have several backup plans just in case and my final backup plan would be to jump. A 27 story jump would work. I am just going to wait until the end of the week so I can properly say goodbye to my best friend who […]
I do know that there will be people who will miss and judge me. That’s one of the reasons that keeps me from killing myself. But what if I come up with some omnipotent supernatural being for myself? I would then make a pact with it that it will make sure that people left behind won’t judge me, that people will not miss me, that I won’t cause suffering by going away. It works for some religious people. I guess that’s just a thought experiment.
She’s so damn beautiful.
I want to tell her that, everytime I see her.
But I’m just too wrong, too messed up, for someone as beautiful as her.
My friends are getting tired of me constantly brooding over her, but I can’t help it. Every time, any time I think about her, I get a heartache unlike any other. No amount of negativity can give me this sort of pain in my heart. I want her to be with me, but it seems that I’m not what I used to be for her anymore. We used to text late into the night, care about each […]
I am new to this site and it’s a little comforting To be honest. My story is a long one I’m only 17 & life is hard. Its gotten so bad that all I do anymore is stay anoint in my room. Not a day goes by that I cringe at the fact of getting out of bed and starting the day because I know what is goin to happen. I wake up and as soon as I leave my room it starts..the daily morning insult from my dad..its something every day…your nothing…you will never be anything..worthless…your a waste of a human life…that’s just at […]
My name is ryan, im 23, i have been shy and quiet all my life. I have severe anxiety, nobody understands me, i am hard of hearing i wear hearing aids. I dont consider myself ugly, but people make me feel that way. I have been a screw up most of my life, when i was 11 i started smoking weed, which then became the root of all my problems since then. I meant an amazing girl at the same time, i dated her from the time we were 11 to 17. In jr high i started getting addicted to marijuana, i skipped school, i […]
the holidays are so hard. Â i think about dying quite a bit. Â it’s like a heavy wet blanket that i can’t shake off or get out from under.
there is nowhere that i can express my true feelings. Â i can’t post it on facebook or twitter, i can’t show my true colors at work. Â i have to be on at all times. Â and i’m good at hiding my feelings. Â anyone who met me would think that i was ok. Â i’m not. Â i’m not asking for sympathy here, or for anyone to tell me that it’s going to be ok, or that it gets better, or any […]
A few weeks ago I nearly committed suicide… I wrote a letter and cried uncontrolably as I put the bottle of nitrate to my lips… Then I heard my girlfriend stirr in our bed. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let her find me like that. I put down the bottle and crawled in to bed. The next morning I got up and went straight to the doctors. I told my doctor everything. She sent me to the hospital and I spent a week in the Mental Health ward. I was diognosed with BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder and put on 100mg of Quetiapine. life […]
Depressed over a romantic failure. How familiar does it sound? I was talking to her for almost a year, but she ended up falling in love with someone she knew for three months. It’s a downer. But why would she fall for someone like me? 24, living at home, can’t find a job, and really awkward. Yes, she said its cute and stuff, but cute goes only so far. And it happens again and again.
Looking into people’s eyes has always been a challenge for me. I stutter. I seem to have no control over the tone of my voice and my facial expressions. This makes […]