Been watching the most horrible videos ever recorded including pain Olympics. Why? Because I’m curious and mentally fucked up. I’ve seen a woman drowning while tied up, it happens for 5 suspenseful fucking minutes. Saw shootouts, a cop shit to death by what looks like a M1A1 Carbine, old World War II era weapon. There’s also the suicide of Ricardo Lopez and other shit. SP administrators, in case I have broken any rules of whom I haven’t read, well sorry just showing what a suicide looks like and imagine the look on your families faces when they see an eyeball strewn across the room along […]
Rants
My post got deleted. Wow. I could just restore it from the trash but I don’t want my account to get deleted too.
So here’s what has happened.
The last couple of weeks were really good, I don’t know why, they just were. I had more self confidence, I didn’t cut myself once, and when I thought about suicide I’d think to myself that it probably wasn’t what I wanted. I went to my psychiatrist and she told me that my depression had dropped dramatically, but my anxiety had gotten worse. I was pretty happy to hear this, so I went to school and told my two best friends, who were so happy they were almost in tears.
Then it got worse again. I cut myself again, because that’s the […]
I cringe every single time I see a photo of me. There’s nothing good about me. My hair never goes right, I’m fat, I can’t smile, I am just not good to look at all together. Part of my daily routine is to just look in the mirror and wish continuously that I was someone else.
I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. After one simple stupid mistake I am stuck with a legal problem resulting in no job no money no prospects and aparently the realization that I never had friends. Now my family is supporting me but I’m afraid I will never get back on my feet. Creditors harrassing me, and child support I can’t pay. I think my families money would be better spent on my funeral. For one thing that is going to happen eventualy anyway, for another I’m sure it is cheep now compared to how much it will cost in 50+ years. […]
Hi. I am only 14, and people keep telling me that it’s just part of being a teenager, and being in high school. Sometimes though I don’t think so. This is only some of the stuff that has happened.
I moved to a small town year before last during the summer (so I had no friends for a summer and the majority of my 8th grade year), and let’s just say all the people around here have known each other since they were little, and most of them look inbreeded. But then I met people and  I (thought) met the most amazing guy ever…until his ex […]
I have tried very hard, for a very long time to find a way to be content in life- I gave up on happy quite some time ago. I am so tired of struggling so hard- I have spent my entire adult life being HIV positive thanks to an a**hole ex-boyfriend- and even tho they say I would die within a few years, I not only lived, I have never been sick more than 25 years later. Being female with HIV, even in good health, has been anything but a picnic. I can’t express the psychological toll it has taken on me. Yes, I can […]
I’m so sick of feeling this way, day after day. I’m so sick of being awake.
I’ve tried so hard, I’ve felt like this since I was a young girl, fourteen. I’ve talked to so many counsellers, gone to expensive centres to get better and nothing changes. I’m currently living with my boyfriend and I can’t help but be miserable every second, he’s the only partner I’ve ever loved and I’m pushing him away completely, because I’m paranoid to the point where I act like I’m crazy. We’re currently living with housemates and one of them he has a smal history with, it was over […]
After an undeserved felony conviction due to my honesty and cooperation with the authorities, I have no income, no friends, no prospects and my family is supporting me. The creditors call constantly, the ex is harassing me fo child support I can’t afford, and I cry every day. I think my families money would be better suited for my funeral so the creditors can shut up and the government can pay some kind of benefits to my child to compensate for the complete lack of compassion and understanding of the criminal justice system. My years of voluntary comunury service at nursing homes, my families charity […]
it sucks to be a twin. it sucks because people always get us mixed up. even though we now look almost nothing alike. it sucks because people still think we are exactly the same and hop from one of us to the next. i was looking through old pictures, out of boredom really, and realized that i have always been jealous of her. she’s prettier than me. she seems happier than me. (although she too could be wearing a fake smile). she’s better at drawing. better at writing. which discourages me from doing it. it’s not really and never has been a competition between us. […]
At first I wasn’t sure if I should post here, I’ve read several posts and some stories really touched me. Here’s my attempt at a short version:
I’m 30, heavyset, have various medical issues most pervasive of which is inattentive add. Like some of you I’ve faced much discrimination in my life. I’m pretty good about getting back on my feet after I fall and falling itself has become an unwelcomed pattern by itself. Recently, I have to take on many challenges. I lost my job which also provided an apartment so lost both work and home on same day. I’m waiting to hopefully receive my […]
I just turned 16, which means I’m now ‘old enough’ to date. And I can’t stop thinking about it.
All my life, I’ve been drepressed, or numb. I don’t know what love feels like anymore… I knew it, once, with a boy… he was–is–a wonderful person. I think I still love him, but force myself to make it only as family-like friend. He made me happy… made me feel like I could be loved. Like I belonged somewhere… with him. Like I had a place in a world I didn’t know yet.
Of course, it ended… we lived–live–in different states, and the distance was too great… […]
So. No one is home and my fiance is out, going for an interview that’s probably never gonna get the job for… and if he does he’ll buy an apartment and leave me. He says he won’t but that’s hard to believe.
So I text him and tell him I’m having a very bad anxiety/panic attack, to add to that the curtain in our room randomly fell off the wall and scared the fuck out of me.
I was extremely depressed last night and poured my heart out and I still haven’t slept well in 16 hours.
He told me a while ago that his father made his mother feel […]
Will leaveing a exit note to my 4year old ( to be opend when she 21) and my wife i mean soon to be xwife ( the reason i need to go ) and family be helpfull to them or make it harder for them.
Thay will know why anyway i have been a deppresd for 3 months and wanting to do this since then.
Any comments or experiences with exit notes will be helpfull.
How many paintball gun tanks will i need. n2. To fill my car to do the job, dont think i could put a bag or mask over my head.carnt find […]
The other day I cut myself. 159 little scars litter my wrist and hand. I counted all my scars, even the hard to see ones, I put a little dot on each on and counted 519 little dots. How does someone end up with 519 scars?? How is it possible that I got this out of control? I hadn’t cut fror a while and then bam! I did, it felt amazing, to feel that pain, to feel that cold, burning trail it left behind.
Well here goes…I am 14 yrs old and my birthday is in October.In my family its an accomplishment to not be pregnant.My mom had me when she was 14 and her mom had her when she was 15 and her mom had her when she was 16.So you see me not pregnant is just great.Im constantly looking for…love I guess…I just want somebody to need me and want me in their life…after all I was that close to being aborted.My mom says my dad raped her but he’s my dad…idk if I could believe he couuld do such a mean thing.When I was 8 I […]
my parents divorced when i was an infant. and i can still remember the boyfriends my mom had to follow. always fighting. we’ve moved so many times. mostly because of them. cause i definitely wasn’t getting into trouble until i was aged 13. always had to make new friends. just to leave. and the process has happened so many times that i feel it has fucked up my current relationships with people. sometimes when i was in middle school, my aunt was murdered. in a small town where everyone knows each other. sad right? the person that killed her was only kind enough to leave […]
Any more i feel like my only purpose in life is to be used by people who don’t thank the people that help them to the best of their abilities but instead walk off with taking a second look like it was nothing and they just wanted the free ride…. I’m to the point to where if anybody comes up to me and asks me for something and i don’t catch any sincerity from them i’ll tell them to f**k off and walk away… I don’t know how much more i can take of it and I’m to the point where i want to end […]
All the time I think I shouldn’t have even been born. I see beauty in the whole world. I see beauty in birds and I can delicious smells in flowers. I feel the warmth of the sun and the gentle light of the moon. I can sketch these and I can paint these and all the colours run together to create beautiful portraits of the world around me. I can sit for hours observing a single blade of grass, and then draw it down to the molecule.
When I show someone the artwork I’ve worked so hard on, I get a “that’s nice” or “good for you” […]
So i took 40allergy pills on purpose obviously . its just been so rough i really dont give a shit any more say blauh thats stupid why werent you knocked out cold?!?!?! allergy pills make you sleepy idfk! okay but what ever on one hand i want to live because of certain peopl on the other im just tired of shit!!!! my family !!! my grandma my best friend just died & my father the reason i was living to see him again died also ! with in 7 months !!!!! what the fuck!!! i just like to swera and th […]