reality is boring , life is boring , it’s all about money , i hate money , i hate business , i wish i live in the movie game anime manga novel comics books
I hate reality , reality is boring !
I hate real life , real life is boring !
I hate real world , real world is boring !
I wish I live in movie / movies , I wish movies were real
I wish I live in video games , I wish games were real
I wish I live in novels , I wish novels were real
I wish I live in anime […]
Today I cut for the first time in almost one week. I thought I could do it. I thought I could be strong! I always think I’m gonna wind up able to be ok but I’m never really ok. I was mildly happy today and that’s a shock because i haven’t been even close to happy in god knows how long! I spent the day boating and drinking with friends but when I got home around 8:00 pm my depression got the best of me and I found myself with a blade in my hand cutting my thighs without remorse. I thought this would be […]
The title makes the theme pretty clear: I have buttloads of Social Anxiety, and it is a living Hell dealing with, ignoring, or confronting it on a daily, and sometimes, hourly basis. I have battled against it my whole memorable life, and I’ve had it up to here- *raises hand to tippy top of head* -with all the bullshit.
I had an amazing day today/yesterday, but all I can think about, all the thoughts I can conjure and obsess over are, “what if I fucked it up? What if the people I talked to and had coffee with in that wonderful, cozy cafe think I am […]
what does it all mean?
what’s the purpose of investing time in people & things if it could all be taken away in an instant?
People crave all the money in the world to fix their troubles yet some can’t be fixed with riches.
I wish it could all that simple, to let go of my troubles but it’s something that lives within me.
something that’s lived within me for quite some time and it’s slowly crumbling me into the gravel.
some people can fight it, others can’t, I’m trying to figure out where I fit into.
the more time passes the closer I get […]
Nobody can help me, including myself. That is a crushing feeling.
I really, desperately want to die. I want to murder this worthless male-thing that I am.
The pain is absolutely unbearable. To be completely helpless and hopeless, while at the same time not yet ready to jump.
People can’t relate and can’t say anything useful. ‘Oh, I’ve been there’. No you haven’t. ‘Oh it will get better’. NO IT WON’T! WHY ARE YOU MAKING SUCH HOLLOW STATEMENTS?! You have no fucking clue who I am, how can you say that it will get better?
This is what people always say. Family? I don’t talk to anyone from my […]
I started taking this drug my psychologists prescribed me. I was initially very hesitant to try it since she said my skin could fall off ? (though the chances of it happening were very low –and if I saw any rashes in my skin to immediately go to the ER and it would not get to that point). But I had a horrible episode a few days ago. I spoke with my boyfriend, Eric, about it. I told him how I felt and why I wasn’t so open with him. I told him that I didn’t want to stress him out or to see him […]
I am just going to describe my situation, thoughts and feelings here in arbitrary order:
-I am addicted to dimethyl ether(gas in hair spray cans) and media including porn.
-I just now realize how much damage this has caused. I fail at almost everything I try. (85% of the last 7 bigger things I tried)
-I was diagnosed with 3 different mental health issues.(ADD, PTSD, paranoid schizophrenia(here in Europe the chances of being employed with this alone is only around 15%(https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15133589))
-I think I have lost a good chunk of my intelligence.(I once had a high IQ(well seems like I only now know what I have […]
If you’ve ever seen any of my previous posts on my chronic mental and emotional afflictions, then you must know this: that I am in pain; and, for most people- if not all- pain is something people hate. They most often turn to addiction or something essentially the same to hide or suppress their issue, whatever it may be.
I myself have had addiction issues before, and still struggle with an addiction to Pornography. That, and my depression and all around loneliness will be the topics I so boringly lay out before you all in this post today.
Since a very young age, I have been obsessed […]
So a lot has been going on in my life lately. I’ve dont what I always do to pick myself back up again but it hasent been working. I try sleeping away the pain. I try singing away the pain. I try painting away the pain. I try talking away the pain. Why now when I feel like I need to be happy more than ever can I not find any of it?! It sucks ighjjj
It’s taking a lot for me to write this. I’ve had so conjure up the will or energy to even post here again. I feel so hopeless right now. I just want to die already!
God it’s so hard. To think about the shit storm of pain I’ll leave behind. I hate myself for feeling like this. I think people would be sad for a while but at least they’d be able to move on finally and live their lives without having to worry about me or pay for my therapy or my school or anything . My mom could start to fix her marriage […]
I kinda realize recently how good it feels to bítch around letting off some steam, then a thought came up! people need to vent out more.
So i suggest you all to vent out all your frustration here, go crazy!
Write here all the shít you want to say, give me some juicy discussion.
Tell me how you suffer!
jealousy is such a fucking disgusting emotion. I just want to feel happy for other people and their accomplishments, because damn it, they’re good people. But I can’t help but feel terrible whenever I see someone else achieving an accomplishment, or getting something new or whatever it is.
I mean it’s so stupid to think that I’m getting upset over people getting material items, why do I feel so bad for people who get new stuff? I know that if I had said item or an item that could mean as much to me as it means to that other person, it wouldn’t make me any […]
Hello. How are you? im great, really. The only thing a gave a shit was my job and its not about losing a job, being single for years or depresion, just that finaly loosing after giving everything i could and… I changed. When i remeber stuff that used to give me stress or sadness now feels like a funny joke. I can feel emotional or phisical pain as pain, but it is just so funny to me. Feel so free and energetic, and for some reazon people are trying to help me? telling me bullcrap like ,,try finding someone to talk to” oh, and the […]
Intro
I’ve been waiting to put this up for a long time, but wasn’t sure when I should…
Um… I might ramble a bit here, but please bear with me. ^^;
Um, a quick thing about my family, from some earlier posts…
I don’t know how frequent or severe incidents in my family are, especially compared to other people, but my family would definitely be considered one of those dysfunctional ones at times, and when things go wrong, it can get pretty ugly. I’m not sure if I can think of a specific example, but pretty much everyone has issues with anger, and a lot of yelling and sometimes […]
If you are considering self-harm or are currently self-harming, please read my story.
Let me be an example, a warning to you all.
When I first started, it was a tiny little cut on my thigh, made merely to see how it’d feel—and I can’t lie, it was exhilarating to me. I was thirteen at the time and was enduring copious amounts of abuse from my parents, both physical and verbal, which had been occurring since childhood. It was a strain to my psyche and after that first cut, for once in my life, I felt like I was able to deal with all the pain that […]
Sigh… I hate my mom…
I can’t really show pics for proof so I guess you’ll have to take my word for it, and I guess it’s up to you if I reacted wrong and if my mom sucks or not, but yeah, I’ll try to find enough time to post on this on a work day, I hate waiting to type out something important…
Also, no offense, but… I think Primal One posted like 15 posts in a row and buried some otherd including mine so I’m not sure if people saw them but whatever…
Here we go. :p
Me
“I want a girlfriend. 🙁 It feels weird saying […]
For quite some time I’ve been really quite happy. I haven’t been thinking about negative things and I’ve been having fun too. But then I started feeling more left out at school again and starting to feel lonely or like I’m missing a person in my life. It’s 11:30pm and I’m very tired. I have to wake up in 7 hours then go to school. Im dreading this so much because of things that have been happening and how my friendships are AGAIN becoming more distant. One thing about me, is that I physically can’t deal with being lonely and being excluded – and that […]
I finally pin pointed this anxiety I lie here with, and the sudden urge to Google your LinkedIn account. It has been two years today, since I finally left you. Almost three years of your mental and verbal abuse. You would have become physical, you had shown signs.
I have been better than I could have imagined, two years down the road. I am with a man who truly loves me, and I to him. I had never experienced this love before in my life, it is true. Selfless. Unbiased. Intimate. Trustworthy. Cooperative. He cares for me in a way I have never been […]
What is it?
What is it about me that makes me lesser than?
What is it about me that makes it so that I can’t be as good as her?
What is it about me that makes me think of what she would have done, how she would have done better had she been in my situation?
What is it about me that makes me incapable of being her?
I should be happy. I have everything. Everything I wanted. Everything she doesn’t have.
Almost everything.
She has the grades. The natural talent. The recognition that she is in fact the best.
The recognition that I am, in fact, in second place.
And second […]
In high school, I’d cut everyday. It started when I was 14. I had no where to go, no one to talk to. I’d do it in the school bathrooms before school, just go all out. I’d wait for the bleeding to stop, put some folded up toilet paper over my entire forearm, use hair ties to keep it from moving, pull down my sleeve and go through my day. It’s all I could think about, and when I got home, I’d do it again. This went on for several years. Then, I met someone. Someone who got me to start eating again and stop […]
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