I get high quality medicine. Shall I bother? No one is going to lose life by. …
But I robbed due nationality a piece of my identity.
Category:
Rants
I’m merely lost and confused. I’m torn between sticking with the person I am now or going back to the person I was before. If I go back to who I was before, I wouldn’t care anymore. I wouldn’t be hurt and life would be easier. There was no concept of if a life mattered before, it was just me and my brother that mattered. There were no friends, no relationships, no anything. It was silence, cold, welcoming, silence.
The person I am now cares too much, sheds too many tears. I’m insecure and don’t want to trust anyone. The people I do try and trust […]
Life is boring , Reality is boring , real life is boring , real world is boring
by niki
written by niki
Especially when you’ve realized that nothing we do here in reality will ever compare to our imaginations. And no, I’m not talking about petty, shallow, superficial, & stupid imaginations like most people only have with their simple-minded brains. I’m talking about all those best fantasy movies, games, novels, comic books, anime/manga, etc, with all their magic, superpowers, & magical, fantasy, adventurous world/universe with its limitless, unlimited possibilities.
Fuck this reality.
Reality is boring, stupid, & depressing.
reality is boring , life is boring ,
it’s all about money
i hate money
i hate business
i wish i live in the movie game anime manga novel comics books
I […]
Hi! So, I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot lately, and I realised it’s been a little bit over a year since I first tried to commit suicide. I’ve experienced so many things, tried so many means of relief and just like I’d imagined nothing worked. Now, I’m more depressed and helpless than ever before.
They say it gets better, and so I used to think. I’ve been depressed as far as I can remember — I had my first major mental breakdown when I was 12, now I’m 19 soon to be 20. I used to think as I grew older, things would magically get […]
You don’t need to tell me all the reason I should hate myself. I already know them. I repeat them to myself every night with nootropics to keep me awake and kicking. Kicking myself for being a failure, for not doing anything right. For never being enough.
I try to do everything right. I read the textbooks, look over my notes, do the work. I could not work for an entire MONTH, an entire 30 DAYS, and I would STILL be advanced in my classes. because I work hard. I “grind” and “hustle” everyday. But unless I haven’t walked in the snow in nothing but flip […]
Hey guys! I’m here again after many months I wrote my last post. My life is lonely as always. It’s not changed anything. I’m still a virgin and in some months I’ll be 24. Nobody has any interest to talk to me and be my friend. Girls are the same, indifferent and they don’t want to help me to get away from my loneliness. There is a girl in my job who is blond and hot. I like her and I’d love her to be my girlfriend. But after I talked to her for the first time, she started to avoid me. She always ignores […]
I’m not going to lie to you.
Sometimes i wish I could just fade out right here and now.
Im not going to pretend that I think life is one big open door.
And no no I don’t need you to tell me there is so much worth living for.
Because I won’t believe that yet.
I mean with the hatred and rigidity and sorrow and cruelty,
And how everyone thinks they’re right.
And well, I’ve heard it so much,
The arguments and rants of our parliaments
That I no longer believe any of us got it right.
And it’s slightly annoying that we’re so petty.
But not nearly as annoying as sad.
And you can call […]
Today, is my 9th love anniversary as per Indian date – September 7. But he is no more. He is my best friend, and then my first love and we happened to fall in love during our college. Exactly after one month and one week of our relationship, I lost him to an accident. That’s where it all started. Depression. Feeling to end this life.
I’m so overthinking, so overly emotional, so sentimental. I have been this way since my childhood. I do not know how to handle my emotions even for smaller things. When I lost him, I felt my entire world became completely darker […]
I just fucked up today. I’m pretty sure I just ruined my relationship with my family. In all honesty, I hope they do hate me. I feel like I deserve it. Maybe this event will finally cement the idea that they raised a failure and they’ll just give up on me. So now, I’m writing this, as a way to publicly humiliate myself in a way that won’t make me a public nuisance. To tell everyone exactly what makes me such a piece of shit.
Honestly, I don’t know where to start. There’s so much wrong with me, putting into words how fucked up I am […]
Over ten years ago, I left a long-term relationship for what I hoped was going to be a happy, fulfilling marriage.
I’d been raised to be a good girl. A doormat, really. I was to put others’ needs before my own. If I was nice, others would like me and do things for me. I was also taught that men would do stupid things and I just had to accept the things they did; “boys will be boys.” This poor upbringing led me to believe that it was normal for men to be childish, sex-hungry idiots and I just had to put up with it.
My first […]
i’m not depressed, i’ve just ruined life for myself. i don’t blame people for hating me.
but please, stop looking at me with those eyes, like you feel sorry for me or some shit. i don’t care, i don’t need your pity. i know i’m ugly, i’m know i’m unlikeable, i know i’m a nervous wreck, you don’t need to remind me.
to everyone i’ve ever hurt: i’m sorry. i’m sorry i’m a screw up, i’m sorry i’m over dramatic, i’m sorry for being so unlikeable and the being the biggest burden to ever walk the earth (and don’t tell me i’m not a burden, because i […]
Instead of Propofol I had a deadly substance in the glass. I took 2ml but screamed for 3 Hours.
I was in pain.
I am a 29 year old male suffering from a soup of mental disorders and other tribulations, hence my other posts. I am unemployed, living with my parents after graduating with my electronics engineering degree. I am unable to find work, depressed, and tired. Instead of explaining my previous posts over again, I will just come to the point of how I feel now. At this moment, I am at a low no one else around me can surface. I suffer from something that I was afraid might get worse by time; I suffer from extreme self hate and body dysmorphic disorder – or as […]
Everything’s falling apart. I felt empty now. My world’s becoming darker. Gone is the girl who laughs a lot. I don’t even know now how to smile, how to say ‘Hi’ to someone. I’m starting to shut the door. No one will come in anyway. I’m not happy. I don’t even know the definition of happiness anymore.
Does it even matter anymore? honestly it never did.
I tried so hard and so hard to die but each attempt failed leaving me here. So many years wasted.
How much more shame can i build up.
I thought maybe appreciating the small things in life would lead me to a happier life. after every failed jump and drowning and overdose. After bleeding out and forced into therapy for years and years at a time. I still feel so empty inside. Nothing has helped. I just want to die but even that has proven to be useless.
So I thought dying in a different way would be more effective.
More […]
Have you ever had that feeling when you wake up you still felt Tired?
Like you just want to sleep for eternity,but you can’t because you’re afraid the nightmares will haunt you again and again…
Have you ever had the feeling when everything is just a blur now?
Like the teacher you’re listening right now sounds like static?
because you’re still tired of all those sleepless nights?
Have you ever had the feeling when what you enjoy seems a little bit dull and lifeless now?
Like reading those adventurous books and the games you play?
Most of All…
Have you ever felt like you’re on the edge?
Waiting for the right moment to explode?
Have […]
So I’d like to preface this with explaining a bit about me. I’m 17, and I’ve been extremely depressed for 3-5 years. It really started in 8th grade, and I’m about to be a senior in high school, so I guess like 4 and a half years. I love videogames, and overall I think I have a pretty good life. I’ve been in psychiatric facilities 6 times, having been hospitalized 6 times I’m pretty familiar with mental illness and I’ve helped countless people along the way. I haven’t been hospitalized in around 8 months now, and I was hoping I wouldn’t be ever again. However, […]
it’s okay that everyone turn missing for a little, for a short, for long, for ever.pretending soon or close to have born alone, to be raised alone, to learned alone and to loved alone, cried alone and married alone.
to have fucked alone, till I found myself in a lie, one of which the wreck turned to recover and inserted in this world alone that suddenly I turned insane to not been at all alone.
but all I meet, anyone there is getting me to know is fading out life.
the world is yet not close to understand, healed. corruption is raised and cultivated. any declaration destroyed and […]
Lately been thinking about possibilities of afterlife. Damn I hope religion got it all wrong. I can’t stand an eternal life promised to good christians or heaven with virgins guaranteed to true muslims.
Spookiest of all is reincarnation by bad karma. It says that if you commit suicide, you return in next life to a similar condition as past life. If you do it a second time, you return a third time and so on. Over and over again until you finally get your act right.
I need someone to prove its all bullshit, that when I die, I cease to be. Mind dissolves as brain disintegrates […]
It are happening circumstances which are questionable at all.
All of my 4 Bikes are broke, one has kicked till the Wheel can’t turn anymore.
My mother probably lost her work because I had worked little there but broke the rules.
My Dad lost an entire Nail and is pretending that it’s an old wound. Tbh I didn’t saw it anytime before in my Life.
My Granddad died when I was in a Country where Me or my relatives never had been before. As urgent it was, I’ve been kept forcefully in the Country.
My Grandmother turned psychic and died. It is as if I brought our family all this […]