As I’m typing this I feel like having a meltdown at work. Every call, every person that I talk to gets me angry. I feel like taking my fist to a wall. I’ve become very moody and violent as of late because of family and friends. They don’t listen and my friends either replace me with someone else or obsess the fuck over my sister. I feel unwanted and I want to run from it. Hanging out with my shit ass friend didn’t help me becaus he just kept trying to get my sisters attention as I tried to make a conversation with him. Everyone […]
Rants
So I’m the girl who is always happy, laughing. I’m the girl who helps others, nice to everyone and is in every school activity. I’m also the girl who gets ignored, left out, not given a damn opportunity even though I try my best. Maybe they do it unintentionally, but it hurts all the same. I don’t want to third wheel anymore, I want to be remembered; I’m tired of being left and then two hours later they finally remember me. It would be nice if just once I could be included. I’m bad at communication and it is partially my fault but I don’t know […]
“Since people are the worst, I’ll put myself first.” But lately I’ve found I’ve been having problems with that mentality.
After a few years I’ve realized I do need people. I can’t keep being on my own. My middle school bully is probably the one to be blamed. Yes, she was the one to kick start my depression and anxiety after all. My parents and teachers had only worsened it from then on but that’s besides the point.
For the hellish three years I’ve withdrew into myself because of my fear of people. This girl had turned the entire school against me. If she had a dick […]
It seems that that’s the number one question on my mind.
Why am I here ? Why do I feel so sad?
Why can’t I succeed?
Why am I treated the way I am?
I feel so alone I have no body to talk to I have no feeling I’ve became so numb.
How much longer?
I sit and write the final suicide note…
I cant talk to anyone because if I tell them he died they’ll just laugh at me and brush it off as nothing. I can’t tell my “friends” because they’re not my friends. So I’ll just post it here, because I really can’t talk to anyone about this. I’ll put this under the “Rants” tag don’t worry. And this will be really long, I’m so sorry
People told me he would die, and my first reaction was “oh well, we’re all gonna die eventually someday, I bet it won’t be that bad”. Oh how foolish of me. This was around August I think. I kinda hated […]
last night, my girlfriend and I had a disagreement. you see, I am 32 years old and when I was 23 i made a mistake and stole $5,000 from the supermarket I worked for. it is a never-ending struggle to succeed in life because that felony charge stays with you. it happened to be in the state of arizona and they don’t expunge felonies they just “set them aside”. I cannot afford to do that so here I am back to where I started.
back to the disagreement from last night. we had gotten phones together via tmobile buy one get one free and so our […]
I guess facebook and social media is where all the deep shit is. I just created my first facebook account and i saw all the shit my family members post and some of it surpises me. Its not even just family members but also old friends. I am shocked by their distrust in me. They have all these problems going on and yet they can’t talk to me about it in person. They wanna go tell their “homies” first before i even find out about it. Which naturally begs the question what the hell am i to them? I am their brother, son, friend. So […]
These last couple of weeks have been super upsetting for me. I don’t know if this is a senior citizen thing but i have been interacting with some of the most disrespectful senior citizens I’ve ever met lately. They say the rudest shit ever. And they really try to get me upset. It seems like its on their daily agenda to piss me off just cuz I’m young. I’m 21yrs old and for some reason they target me as someone to bully. I say bully because i can say some horrible things back but i choose not to because i dont like doing that. I […]
A.k.a. how fucking useless they all are? The only thing mental health care providers have ever done for me is make me feel like they’re exploiting my mental illness as an expendable source of income. 0% helpful. 100% scam. And yet everybody swears by them while I am absolutely convinced that the mental health services are pseudoscience. They don’t give a SHIT about me unless I’m paying. And then they have the audacity to take the $200 I managed to scrape together to try and get some real help, and tell me to fix it myself. Fuck all of you, I hope you all burn […]
Even after every day you didn’t talk to me. Every day you told me you hated me. That I should leave and never come back. After every day I tried to say I was sorry for my shortcomings, and every day that you never forgave me. Every day you never apologized for your own shortcomings, for the bullying and the heartbreak, for every time I tried to share my life with you only for you to throw it back in my face. Every day you told me I looked like a whore when I put on make up when I didn’t feel confident; every day […]
The worst part about finally achieving the happiness and contentment that you’ve always dreamed of is feeling it slip through your fingers. Feeling the hand that had found purchase in salvation lose its hold and force you back over the edge. Feeling the safety harness around your waist and in your chest snap. Feeling yourself slide down the steep slope you’ve fought your way up for years. Feeling your fingernails tear and bleed as you fight for purchase on a cliff so smooth you can see the scratches you’ve made reflected in your own face. Feeling your body hit the ground so hard you’re not […]
Hi. Imma tell you guys why I said “They would never believe me.” So I’m a 13 year old girl who has been suffering for quite some time now.
It all started when I was 8 years old, I was a little chubby girl at that time and I was bullied for it. I never told anything about it to my family, I would just say that I always have a great time at school but the truth is, I was not. I mean I had friends my age but older students would pick on me, saying that I was fat, ugly, worthless, garbage, and many […]
Turned 30 couple days ago… been dreading this ‘milestone’ for awhile now. You would think my family to help soften the blow would have done something for me a party… or a cake… or $2 worth of balloons!!!
Naaaaa of course not.
Spent the last 5 days sleeping because I couldn’t deal with reality. Only now I have this itching desire to scream and run rip my hair out slice my skin burn the house down.
I feel like I’m going to explode. I am going to explode. My chest is so tight. I have so much on I can’t and don’t want to deal with it.
How […]
So, um hi. I’m not sure how to start off a post like this one, but here I go.
I’ve been having a really tough time with… everything. I have really bad anxiety in general, especially social anxiety though, and it makes it really hard to function in day to day life. I’m only 14, so I don’t have much choice in my doctor visits, medication etc. However, I went to the doctor about a week ago for a regular check and they recommended me a counselor, but I feel extremely uncomfortable talking to a stranger about my problems. I don’t even talk to my friends […]
No one listens to anyone anymore, sure they hear so that they are able to grasp a rough idea of what goes on in their environment but no one actually takes the time to truly listen. To do more than observe a situation but to try to grasp how it must be to be within that environment and try to envisage the emotions that might be evoked so as to truly understand the complexities of what goes on in the world. Nothing is just black or white, we are all contrasting shades of grey. That’s one of my biggest problems I guess, I feel as […]
I’ve been wanting to go back home since the first night i spent here. Back then i thought we’d bought a ticket for me to go back after around six months, so i wasn’t all that worried. Though my mum told me in January we got a one way ticket. I was a bit upset, but thought, “i’ll just have to get through it and then i’ll go back”. But now, going back has been written down as probably the biggest failure. There’s such high expectations that i simply cannot meet. Everyone asks me what i want to do and why didn’t i think about […]
I know my life isn’t nearly as bad as many other people’s lives and I’m lucky for a lot of what I have. I have a family that loves me (parents and siblings, I have no significant other or children or anything of that nature), I’m at a decent college, and I’ve been told I’m reasonably easy on the eyes. That said, I hate being alive. I won’t be edgy and says there’s nothing I enjoy doing, but it all feels superficial and meaningless, nothing makes me feel whole inside anymore. It’s gotten to a point where I don’t even have to be actively sad […]
When I’m reading a post or blog or even a simple book, I feel the emotions like they are my own. When someone else is hurting, I hurt. When some else is sad, I’m sad. It’s difficult when you’re constantly sad and extremely emotional. I was once suicidal and these feelings are now coming back because of how destroyed the world is and how many are in such pain from bad government decisions, killers, rapists, family members dying, etc.. I feel as if the world won’t be able to heal itself anymore and I have nothing to look forward to in my future life. Not […]
This morning I managed to just let go of holding on. I let gravity take me down. Bc i have so sick recently, it was super easy for em to just not hold on the railing going down the stairs this morning and just fall. I just vaigly remember letting go and feel the steps fall out from under my feet. It wasn’t scary, or worrying. I just wished that instead of having to get up after, I would just be able to end there. I had to get up… and now I have a dislocated and fractured right elbow that needs surgery this week. […]
When no one knows who you are and you write about wanting to die, people react quickly. They tell you to stay strong and give you tips that may actually help you. They talk to you and say they support you. Behind the mask of the internet, you can say anything and no one will know you.
When someone knows who you are, everything changes. You’re not dad’s precious little girl anymore. You’re not mom’s light of happiness. You’re not the emotional support for people who depend on you to stay sane, that trust in you to hold them when they have panic attacks or listen […]