I try to be understanding of the perspectives of others. I really do. But let me say this: anybody who thinks that life is inherently worth living just because “it’s the only life you’ll ever have” is a fucking moron.
Category:
Rants
I’m almost 19 but I don’t really know that I’ll make it to that point.
I’ve made it through a lot in less than two decades. A natural disaster left me homeless at age 6. My first instance of sexual abuse (that I was old enough to remember) was at age 9. I’ve been suffering from severe depression, anxiety, and flip flopping between BED and self starvation since age 12. First attempted suicide at 14. And lost my father at age 16. A few months prior to that, I met the only person I have ever found who offered unconditional support and genuine love. Things […]
Let me first say my thoughts are on the racing side today. I can’t get them ordered, and I’m going ramble.
First I have Bipolar II Disorder, and I’ve dealt with depression since as young as sixteen years old. Motivation is the hardest thing to come by these days. Now I’ve been in recovery for a year and have started to search for a job. I’ve had a few interviews, and one was super promising, but after a background check decided not to go through with it. That was disappointing, and little worrisome but I’m trying to move one. The trouble is this, I’m struggling to […]
Can’t think of a good title..
Anyhow, the consensus is that life is so fucking god awful that I can’t even kill myself to help out.
There’s so much awful shit going on. Where do I begin? Oh. Well, my grandparents both have cancer now.
My parents have been trying to help by sending healthy foods to them when they have been devouring shit food all their lives. But they still sneak around to other family members and let them buy them junk food..( I can’t help people who don’t want to help themselves.) They’re waiting on a […]
Do I get up and disappear while she lays beside me, sleeping beautifully? Even if she did no wrong I can’t force myself to believe she hasn’t, If I disappear maybe she’ll find someone better and worthy. I was always told anything said or thought after 2AM should be ignored but it seems to be my wisest moments. I don’t know how or why I think this way, I wish I didn’t. I wish I was ‘normal’… I used to say consistency is key in my previous relationships but it seems the only thing consistent in my life is sadness, suicidal thoughts and total destruction […]
Ok lets put this in perspective; im a 19 year old boy and a uni 2nd year.
At the beginning of 1st year i had a group of around 5 friends. Now i have 2 because we bullied them away for being imperfect.
I was dating one of those 2 for over a year and he says he doesnt want to be with me anymore. His reason being i didnt do anything he wanted me to even though he never asked…
Anyway yesterday they both decided to tell me they dont care about me and i should “just do it”. Then proceeded to make fun […]
I’ve gained another 3 pounds. What the fuck?! I saw this really thin girl today, and I felt horrible. I asked my family why I have been gaining, and they said, “Don’t worry about it; you’re really thin.” So annoying. Like always, whenever I see any other girl, I think that they’re pretty and I am so, so ugly. I haven’t cried for the last week and a half, just felt dead, but yesterday and today I cried. I cried falling asleep, I cried when I woke up, I cried when I realized for the billionth time that I am nobody and that I can’t […]
Here I am. Another night, another thought; like the nights before, and like the thoughts before. Only difference tonight being a Google search and bumbling into this website.
Well, sigh. Here goes.
My story starts about 18 years or so ago, back when I was 12. I wasn’t actively thinking about suicide before this time, but they put me on the mind destroying drug Ritalin and the rest is history. It was Xmas eve, and I had made a super potent spicy drink for ‘Santa’. Well, my naive little mind thought I had made the drink so strong that it was going to kill my mother. Of […]
So I have a teacher that is a true monster inside. She is very rude and think that she is better than everyone else, has no respect to any students, and she think that she can do whatever she wants. Also as a teacher of one of my classes, she doesn’t teach and gives a textbook with us with no help, she doesn’t help us students with anything and says it’s all in the textbook, we can’t talk at all to get help from each other, and we can only work on this class during class. So because of her lack of being a teacher, I am […]
People may view me as outgoing, kind, obnoxious, bitchy, annoying, funny, weird, loud, extrovert, smart or stupid. That how I am in public. In reality i’m lonely, broken, hurt, scared, shy and quiet. No one knows how I truly feel. I don’t trust anyone because I’m always betrayed. I am broken and won’t ask for help.
Before we begin, some background. Last year, I graduated with a Master’s of Science in biology. This was made possible by a loving mother who brought me to Canada and financial support by its government. During this time I have managed to forge real friendships backed by common experience and mutual understanding, a first for the shy kid who would always find solace in his books. In short, I’m pretty privileged: healthy in mind and body, with a support network, and a small investment portfolio. I understand if you can’t sympathize with my situation. I won’t pretend that I know the challenges of having been […]
I just recently took some depression tests online (bored out of my mind). All of them have said that I have severe depression and I need to seek help right away. Pfft… whatevs…
Anyway, thought y’all would like to do this one as it measures anxiety, stress and depression level: http://www.15minutes4me.com/free-online-test-stress-anxiety-depression-burnout/
Today has got to be one very hard day… All i seem to think about is the death of my girlfriend and daughter during childbirth. Their watching over me i believe. I want to have them next to me. You guys obviously know the reason i am depressed. Let me go into detail, I was watching my girlfriend, she was 16, give birth to our child. I was in the hospital room and watched the whole gruesome death. She was already in labor giving birth too Arial Hunter on 4-20-2015. Ella was laying saying “i cant, i cant, i cant” i was holding her hand […]
From time to time I still find myself overwhelmed and just wishing all was over. I fear this will never fully go away. It’s been building up for sometime now. Longer than normal, stronger than normal. Ever so slowly imploding. Back to drinking myself to sleep cause I really don’t know what else to do. Even that has it’s limitations. Work is what I use typically. Just focus on it day in day out. Let’s me simply ignore or avoid what I can’t handle or can’t control…….that’s becoming me now though.
im 22 and my favorite color is pink. i’ve been hospitalized 8 times so far. first when i was 15 and last was in august.
ive been waiting and waiting for things to get better and stay better but it seems like they get better and then worse then the last time it was worst.
a few days after christmas i found out i was pregnant. by this guy i’d slept with twice before who i knew i didn’t meant anything to. he’s kind of my friend i guess. i became friends with him and his other friends last year. they all haven’t known me very long […]
It’s been almost a year since I’ve had a full night of sleep… but the past two weeks have been even worse. Night after night after night of just nightmares and no matter what I do they won’t stop…. Granted I’ve always had nightmare/night terrors as a child, I just assumed they’d go away.
The sleepless nights are driving me crazy or should I say crazier than normal. Between the non sleep, relationship issues and the depression/anxiety and thoughts of death I feel like I’m going off the deep end. I feel like I’m losing a battle no matter what I do and have no one […]
So i dont know how this works so i am gonna start off by saying why i wanna get run over by a bus. You see i fucked up my life big time by my own hands last year and also this year. even when i could see that i was ruining my life i didnt stopped. its like i was enjoying watching myself get rekt. i am so fuking stupid! my dad finally decided its better off that i leave college cuz becoming a graduate is not for me. then coming to MY ABUSIVE JERK OF A BOYFRIEND. yea it would require another […]
I thoroughly believe the position I find myself in is due to one thing; apathy. My own apathy. I suppose when you stop caring about your own life, it’s easy to stop caring about a lot of other things. I suppose the facade is pretty easy to pull by now. May as well continue. At least for a little bit more.
I used to post on here quite regularly when I was younger, I think when I was about 15 or 16? Around then. Those years are strangely hazy now, probably because I was living in such a haze of sadness and wanting to die. Anyway, I am now 21 and I’m back under a new name because I feel like a whole new person. A few parts of old me survived, and unfortunately one of those parts is the slightly suicidal one.
I say ‘slightly suicidal’ because even as I type this on this website that I know is about suicide, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t […]
I feel so alone, as if I am not good enough.
Today I almost suffocated from my own self-hate. Sigh, not literally, metaphorically. There were so many people in the bathroom all of a sudden and I could not cry, I had to hold it in for approximately ten minutes while they fussed over their picture.