Stories of Hope
Even when the world is cold, I still want to find the heart not to be. -LIT (jjolee)
It’s been a while since I’ve written here, and every time I remember this place I come and reread posts that I only have as drafts, I remember how passionate I wrote them with pain and crying while at it.
Tho this time is different, and still think life is worthless and I want to die, I now don’t actively look for death, I dunno if it’s because I’ve come to terms that I’m not brave enough to commit suicide or because I’ve […]
Healing.
That’s the word we keep using.
Healing the inner child. Healing the past, Healing and moving forward. Moving with each other.
Special.
What we have is clearly special.
It’s not like we love each other, but we care. We keep using that word, too. Care. I care for her. She cares for me.
…
Pact.
We made a pact together.
We would be alone with each other if it helped and also avoid self-isolation.
Her mind. Font. Her Font. She is so similar to me. She calls it OCD and Anxiety.
I am afraid to speak before her.
but my words
become easier as they leave me
when I speak with her –
i feel heard. After all. Somehow. […]
Hello there, friends. I just ran across this website tonight. At first I was shocked because it seemed to be promoting suicide, but then I read the rules and realized that wasn’t the case. However, I didn’t worry any less about the people on this site. I don’t know any of you but I’m guessing I know the feelings you’re feeling. Please take a look at what I have to say.
Disclaimers
I’m going to make a few disclaimers before I start. First of all, if I accidentally say something that offends you, I apologize and recognize that your viewpoint exists. However, I don’t apologize for speaking […]
lonely, i’ve been. no matter how much i say that, it still doesn’t change. i’m stuck in this pit.
my own little world has been harder and harder to focus on, a place where i’m not that lonely.. but this one album(s) makes me carry on. it’s called The Metal Opera by Tobias Sammet’s Avantasia.
i found it simply on a whim, i started with one song called The Seven Angels.. and ever since i’ve been hooked.
I bought the gold edition CD, and reading though the whole lore makes me feel more connected to the characters, the world. i love everything about this album and i can’t […]
nothing bad has happened, not yet.
as this day reaches its end, i get this very very sickly feeling in my stomach. butterflies! so many.. i can feel myself almost puking out of anxiety.
but not because anything bad is gonna happen tomorrow (i hope). i’m going to a club in my school, and hopefully meet some new friends. i know if i’m that anxious, i probably shouldn’t go, but i still want friends. i won’t let some butterflies stop me.
I am afraid of harm.
I have grown wise about harm.
But I just found that when I perform it, the crippling pain leaves in a way and for a time while my wound remains.
I am scared of myself now.
[image and caption removed]
So I’m back home for the first time in 5 years. It’s so odd to think about where I was since I’d been gone. I’m actually having a good time back. I was in probably my absolute worst state of mind when I was here last time, and now, that seems so far away. I’m a different person now, and yet, some things never change…
I just needed to reflect. I’ve been lurking around this site for a long while at this point. I only hope that people here find closure, their resolution so to speak, however that may be. There are many good […]
Looking to golden lights, disoriented by gossamer affection
You never loved me- lie no more. Leave me or love me, I shan’t stand for your façade any longer. I see truth, I knew from the genesis of your sin, it held no virtues.
You called my light delusion, and you called my patience an unchecked ego. When I spoke clearly at last, your shell crumbled, you held no quarter to the lies before which you had brought forth against me. You say it “I love you not, I care nothing for you however you shall live.” And so it was laid plain.
I am incredibly sorry if somebody made you feel as though it was difficult to love you . I am so incredibly sorry if you have ever felt this way. But i promise you…… the universe will send you someone so unexpectedly. Someone who will every day and forever remind you of how great you are. Someone who will reinforce your belief in love as well as in yourself. Someone who will see your flaws but will forever remind you that your imperfections ,are what make you so perfect. Just tightly hold onto this belief . In the meantime fall in love with yourself – […]
He chooses present over perfect
Trusts over journey of change
Had a strong belief that things go with flow
He belives in simplicity and does best at his abilities
Loves deeply and think deeply about life
His purity makes him who he is!!!
For now he is an unseen world
Soon he is going to be rockstar with all love and success!!!
He knows to wait and believes that there is aways time for everything
I am who I am
I’ve been where I’ve been
I’ve done what I’ve done
And that’s what makes me
I’ve made my mistakes
I’ve got my regrets
But now I’m moving on
I’ve broken many hearts
I’ve had some break mine
It hurts like hell
But it just takes time to heal
I know I’ve done right
I know I’ve done wrong
Sometimes I’ve done nothing
And that’s just part of life
It’s my life and
It’s my time and
It’s my place and
I’m doing it my own way
The playlists abounded, the only things left besides the journals upon journals, notepads chock-full
https://creator.nightcafe.studio/creation/lgZAU77M5JbFZvkkBCuY
It is human to, at this point, put forth a greeting to the community i have just joined here. Hello. I want to die. I shall start with a recent tale of achievement in my life.
-I am very happy that recently, I secured my avenue of prospective death in a manner of which I shall not discuss, but which brings me great solace to find was appropriately covert and fruitful. I feel peace knowing I can hold the hand of death this way, and have been more productive for having this comfort.
This is all I shall share for now.
Wishing […]
On a whim I decided to see if suicideproject was still around, and to see if I could log in. My posts were from 2015.
Wow, was I in a bad place. I remember the event in particular that prompted me to start cutting again, and to spiral into one of the lowest points of my life. Thank you to the commenters on those posts. Wherever you are now, I hope you found what you are looking for.
I wanted to write some kind of denouement here, because I am certainly glad I didn’t do it back then. I know reading some inspo stuff isn’t going to […]
look, I’m a cynical hateful shell of a person who happens to be having a very difficult to ignore good week.
so if you are assuming that down the line I’ll return to my anti life anti organizations anti capitalist apathy, know that I am too.
I still hate the cheery; “Oh, nice things happen, therefor they will continue” which is usually a terrible lie.
Which is the amount of cautious framing I have to do because if I say things are going better without that, my distrustful wounded brain will rebel, because we’ve trusted people before, and that didn’t work out.
I’m working as an electrician, which I […]
I’m 40 years old this year, and I still don’t know what to do, and whether I should continue to live, or just die?
Long story short, my life is a complete failure. It’s full of wrong decisions, (in)actions, regrets, mistakes after mistakes, that I honestly think maybe it’s already too late to “fix everything” (eg: I’m losing all the good chances/opportunities, as I’m getting old now). It’s really ironic & tragic, because a lot of people always say that I’m very talented especially in music (I used to be quite an active musician & composer/songwriter, but sadly I’m still not famous & successful), smart, a deep thinker, a highly sensitive person, etc etc.
I am also an idealist, meaning that I actually have a BIG vision & idea for […]
Then he told this parable:
“A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard; and he came looking for fruit on it and found none. So he said to the gardener,
‘See here! For three years I have come looking for fruit on this fig tree, and still I find none.
Cut it down! Why should it be wasting the soil?’
He replied, ‘Sir, let it alone for one more year, until I dig around it and put manure on it. If it bears fruit next year, well and good; but if not, you can cut it […]
Ever let the anxiety sink ,the rage boil up
Ferment the pain, and bottle it up
Reflecting on the past like it ain’t slow enough
Mom’s always sad that I ain’t growing up
Pills help me cope but I’m still fucking up
Fuck going outside, the moon aint show enough
I laugh about death like I ain’t dark enough?
Friends ran away? I guess they stalked enough?
Fam patient with my death like who’s taking what?
keep a sharp angle, latitudes of my cuts
Force you to be strong like you ain’t had enough
have the nerve to ask what’s wrong…
God ain’t fucking […]