Category:

Stories of Loss

For those who have passed on.

They are back.

by Eccedentesiastsoul 8/23/2017

written by Eccedentesiastsoul

Lately I’ve ben having these migraines that take everything that’s in me to stand. It’s not new, I used to have them daily until they somehow, the same pain transferred to my stomach. I got it checked out by a doctor long back and he gave me pills and said I was fine to go. Now the pain is back and it’s stronger than ever. I’m not being over dramatic or anything but it hurts to the point where I actually think there’s something wrong with me. Before I got back to my country I got a strong one and I literally cried myself to […]

8/23/2017 1 comment

The reason for me to live, is so others may not die

by KoertsMeijer1997 8/23/2017

written by KoertsMeijer1997

I honestly am not sure where to start this all off. This is a very long story, just to let you know. For starters, I am a 20yo male. I’ve dealt with severe clinical depression, anxiety, and anger issues since I was 11yo.

I am a current EMT and am a Paramedic student in Maryland. I joined the fire department when I was 17, and have been an EMT since I was 18.

One of my first calls as a 17yo EMT student, it had been a pretty tough day. We had already run a cardiac arrest, and I was in general having one of my down […]

8/23/2017 5 comments

Back home.

by Eccedentesiastsoul 8/21/2017

written by Eccedentesiastsoul

Things are back to getting worse. I don’t know if I can proceed anymore, go threw all the upcoming months, get a year older, it’s just too much. I still have to finish high school and I don’t know how to feel about that. I want to escape. Get as far away as I can from this country but in order to do so I’ll have to get a scholarship and because of my background I don’t think I’ll be able to get one. Even if I do get one, I won’t be accepted for who I am, or at least I don’t think I […]

8/21/2017 3 comments

Section 19×5 Plot 21×10

by Erricjjx7 8/20/2017

written by Erricjjx7

Every single minute
Every single hour
Is too late, devoured
Her time had come
Her time had gone
The lyrics are missing, to my song

Every single minute
Every single hour
Was supposed to be ours
Her deed was done
Under a hurting fire
Not only hers to take, expire

She had done much more.

Every single minute
Every single hour
Is too late
3 year
2 year
Of Obligations devoured

All will be finished
All will be done.

“I’m sorry mother”-
Biting my tongue-,

You’ll be missing YOUR heart-,
-missing YOUR son.

8/20/2017 0 comment

I am a disappointment

by haterlivet 8/18/2017

written by haterlivet

One thing i´ve always thought of is that it´s so scary when someone mentally ill and suicidal (me) falls in love. We start feeling whole again. Like we´ve got a purpose, a reason to be here and a reason to start and try.

But one thing that really scares me and hurts me inside to think of is that; what happens when the person who´s saved me leaves? What happens when the person takes away all the hope and love and beauty and rip out all the stitches they used to put in their partner together again and the broken soul is left worse than they […]

8/18/2017 4 comments

Suicide without hurting others

by haterlivet 8/18/2017

written by haterlivet

I want to end my life, But i want to end it in a way that doesnt hurt the people around me. I’ve come to learn that this life really aint for me, i tried for so many years to stay strong and fight the pain Im feeling, But its absolutely impossible and Nobody really understands the mental illness Im going through. I dont really like to talk about my depression to a lot of people, Cause they think that Im calling for attention or that its no big of a deal. But i really wish They knew What Im going through

My biggest problem is […]

8/18/2017 5 comments

First post, with a question

by uptheguff 8/14/2017

written by uptheguff

I’ve been a lurker here for quite sometime, I have read so many post, replies and whatnot, that my head is filled with swimming thoughts.

I understand all too well, what has brought you all here…what has brought me here.

Seems, that most of wish to be free from existence, from the pain….we all have reasons why we want to go, some more than others. We all have a reason that life is not as it seems but a form or “HELL”.

With all that in mind, I have a question. All I want is death, all I want is peace, to no longer exist.

About 6 months […]

8/14/2017 11 comments

I hate my body

by an_old_child 8/13/2017

written by an_old_child

I really hate my body. I’m not fat, I’m not too ugly, I’m just covered with scars and a I hate it when I sweat. I actually hate my skin. I’m only 19 and I should be beautiful at this age. I can resist my stretch marks because almost everyone has them so they are natural but I can’t stand my scars. My body is full of those red things. They first appeared the first time I shaved my body hair and now they are everywhere on my hands and legs. I used to have tones of acnes on my face and now they’re gone […]

8/13/2017 6 comments

Life Got Worse…

by Kirsten 8/11/2017

written by Kirsten

I wrote several blogs on here under the name of Shelly, my last was about six years ago. So much has happened since then that I literally don’t know where to start, and not in a good way! I’m still alive. Clearly. I’m now 45 and I’ve lost nearly everyone dear to me except for my dog, cat and sole remaining friend. One of the people I lived with for a long time turned against us and moved out severing all contact… that’s his choice, though I guess I mean nothing to him now. Then my life partner and best friend died, in two months […]

8/11/2017 5 comments

My Last Post

by FrozenSammy 8/9/2017

written by FrozenSammy

So my last post…is getting a lot of hate….and I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to get raped….I know it’s my fault…and I’m sorry….I shouldn’t have even posted about it….I’m very sorry for making everyone upset…I just shouldn’t have said anything….I should have kept it to myself…I’ve done it for a year….I shouldn’t have said anything…

8/9/2017 9 comments

by DeadHeart 8/9/2017

written by DeadHeart

I have the same feeling sometimes, I feel a little cheered up, I have a laugh but I remind myself that this is temporary, the way I really feel, miserable, depressed, crushed, bogged down, stuck, jealous will return shortly.

My thoughts of suicide use to be just thoughts but lately this has also changed for me, I’m coming to realize that my life isn’t going to change, no one is going to come save, I either I have to begin to enjoy this miserable life or end it.

I know I won’t be able to enjoy this life, its literally to hard. I’m so far behind […]

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8/9/2017 1 comment

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Abusive Relationship

by FrozenSammy 8/7/2017

written by FrozenSammy

I was in a very abusive relationship, I don’t like talking about it but I need to because I feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t. His name was Roman. He was very kind to me and that meant a lot to me because I was going through a really dark episode. It started small, degrading me with words. Then he started hitting me, kicking me, eventually things got sexual. He was into a lot of kinky stuff that I won’t get into. I have headspaces called little space, kitten space and slave/sub space. I only go into them occasionally but he took […]

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8/7/2017 15 comments

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How

by FrozenSammy 8/7/2017

written by FrozenSammy

How do you survive when the world wants to crush you? I’ve had my fair share of shitty experiences. My mom almost died from an emergency heart open surgery, twice. I was in an extremely physical, mental, emotional and sexual abusive relationship. My parents used to punish me and my sisters by spanking us with metal blind closers. They said it was “the Lord’s rod of discipline” and I finally called them out on there bullshit. Then I came out as transgender, female to male, and gay. They are very Christian and still have not accepted me for who I am, it’s been over a […]

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8/7/2017 6 comments

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transparency

by takethistoyourgrave 8/3/2017

written by takethistoyourgrave

((follow up to oscillate wildly))

so. maybe…2 weeks after i made my earlier post we moved from the apartments i hated. and i was so happy! i was doing so well mentally because we had a better place now. i dropped out of band in another effort to reduce stress and also because i lowkey hated band now, and the new place was about 10 minutes farther away from my school. if i had to get up at 5:45 in order to make practices then, it would be 5:25 now and…no thanks.

i just got back from a trip to the lake with a friend […]

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8/3/2017 2 comments

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If only they knew..

by insignific4nt 7/31/2017

written by insignific4nt

do you think they would say things if they knew?

do you think they would sit here and tell me that everything gets better with time? Or that time heals all wounds if they could feel this?

if they had to feel this knife taking pieces of my heart… would they still look at me and tell me I’ll get over it?

if they could feel the tears that pour down my face would they still tell me everything will be okay?

2 years and it’s like nothing has changed.

2 years and I think about you with every gust of wind.

2 years and I feel your hand in mine […]

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7/31/2017 4 comments

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One More Step.

by kellinandrew 7/21/2017

written by kellinandrew

I tell myself, one more step, every day. When I wake up, I think, just one more day. I try to keep my mind on one day, one moment, at a time. Because when I begin to let my mind drift, I start to slowly drift away. Sliding into an uncontrollable downward spiral. I cannot keep living my life through the small window I have allowed myself. I feel as if I am completely alone. My boyfriend, is gone. Our relationship fell apart after I lost our baby due to a miscarriage. My rape case against my father has been dismissed. So, he is on […]

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7/21/2017 4 comments

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So long, my beloved

by mranony 7/19/2017

written by mranony

I saw my mother died.
I saw every breath she struggling take.
I saw the twitches of her body as she dies.
I felt the warmth slowly leaving her body.
I saw my family breaking as my mother breaks.

And it was petrifying.

And as she was being embalmed,
I burnt every imperfection in my mind.
The scar on her left chest,
The stretch marks that bare the three of us.
And all the hardships she’s been through
etched in every part of her body.

And it was beautiful.

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7/19/2017 3 comments

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Does anyone listen 2 matchbox 20?

by ILoveMyDog 7/10/2017

written by ILoveMyDog

“I don’t know if I’ve ever been good enough
I’m a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in
And I don’t know if I’ve ever been really loved
By a hand that’s touched me, and I feel like something’s gonna give
And I’m a little bit angry”. I am really confused and reaching out for help, I dont know if my boyfriend is truely abusive or if its me, if I should kill myself over it or the stuff that’s gone on in my life or if anyone would ever love me, if I have anything redeeming and if I care, […]

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7/10/2017 0 comment

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I really want to die

by Demonqueen 7/8/2017

written by Demonqueen

… But I’m scared of failure.
Will I be paralysed?
Brain damaged?

Fail and I’ll be watched and not able to reattempt.

………………..

Vent.

I have mental health, undiagnosed… But imo it is severe.

Vent.

I’m almost 26. Literally everybody I’ve met this year thought I was 12.
When I was 15…. Everybody thought I was 10-12.
You get the picture.
I’m paedo bait.
Not everyday you get to legally “bang” a “12” year old.

Lost count of the times middle aged men have tried to prostitute me and continue on to tell me they thought i was 12-14.

Walking home today with my mum and her partner and […]

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7/8/2017 2 comments

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My Lost Flame

by Melted Snow 7/3/2017

written by Melted Snow

When I was a bit younger, about 7 years ago, I met a woman who changed my life. She quickly became the best thing to ever happen to me, and I was so happy to even spend an hour with her. I was with her for 5 years. She gave me a drive to complete college, to get a good paying job, she was all I could ask for. She made me feel content with my life.

However I made the biggest mistake that I continue to regret, it makes my heart drop. I have short periods of depression like I have all through my life, […]

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7/3/2017 3 comments

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