Mom was abusive to me as a child. But she is the only one who even semi “cares” about me. Which is more than I can say for the rest of them- sisters, brother, cousins, uncles- don’t give a rat’s ass about me. NONE of them are willing to help me in any way or shape. Everyone except my mom would be HAPPY if I killed myself. Not kidding about that. The rest of them just want me gone. They already want nothing to do with me. I don’t talk to them. The 1 or 2 […]
Why did I get banned? I didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t know how to contact the owner of the site to get my acc back.
I have these wounds that can be sealed,
leaving these marks that keep.
But the wounds can never be healed,
They were way too deep.
The confidence I lack,
The damage that has been done,
Trying to fight against the attack,
when I am less than one,
I can’t breath at all.
The version of myself I want but can’t be,
Because I put up a wall,
Helping the self destruct that is me.
after years of toxic positivity, I find myself in need of discouragement talks every now and then.
This morning the temptation was rising to go back to electrical work, which on the surface seems innocent. I thought about how I enjoyed solving those problems, and getting the appropriate tools. I thought to myself “maybe it was just that employer”
but my gut knows better. My gut reminded me of how much pain it was, working for incompetent people. It reminded me of the hours doing stupid stuff, like running metal pipes for wire to go through. It reminded me how I always felt tired and I couldn’t […]
Im not in control of my own head anymore. I haven’t been in a while. Depression has taken over. I’ve been making friends with it.
I had a great shift at work yesterday then I got home and once I got in my room I just started crying. I HATE CRYING. I never wanna cry again.
I have these small little moments of excitement but its a fleeting feeling. It never lasts for very long
I got screamed at that I didn’t get my mom a coffee when I place an online order, even though I only had enough money in to get my own. She screamed at […]
I have/ had several uncles but two in particular served as a warning of what or what not to become. My Father’s side of the family being rooted in criminality. Criminality as a result of poverty, poverty of a Dickensian level. My Father managed to get out of that cycle early, he met my mother, became a homeowner and managed to do okay in life. Had he not met my mother, married a woman from the social class he grew up in, things would of been different. His brother, who I only met a few times struck me as a charismatic character, not someone you […]
I look around, Red, blue, white, black,
Hmm, what are these colours good for? Nothing absolute crap,
A goodbye, live well, farewell?
To you, although, who can bring themself to do this all alone?
Easy life for those who win, none to say thank you, I love you forever and never second,
You and me? I wanted to thank you for reaching out your hand,
Oh, but why would I thank you? It was me all along,
Under this all, who do you think I I’m? not a puppet for you to take,
Not an object for you to use and rape,
It’s the little things that make me smile,
The world, so full of […]
Like that story about the girl who pushed her “friend” off a bridge and got 2d of jail while a 16yo got put in jail (juvie) for 78d for not doing her online hw. Or the 17yo girl in Texas that got put in jail for truancy- missing more than 10d of school in a 6mo period. Or the CA mother who was jailed for 180d (SIX whole MONTHS) bc her kid cut a bunch of classes. So…if you can’t make your uncontrollable kid go to school, YOU the mother get put in jail. Mother then loses her job and her […]
Ok, so apparently you can push someone off a bridge, say “oops, sorry” and get just TWO days in jail.
Meanwhile the girl who got pushed broke 6 ribs and a punctured lung.
The story is insane.
“Prosecutors recommended NO jail time, but the judge refused to go along.”
So they made it seem like the judge was being all stern for sentencing the girl to TWO days in jail when that is just absolutely nothing.
TWO days for pushing a “friend” off a bridge. Meanwhile, this girl Grace gets jailed for 78d for not doing her online homework. Yep, makes sense to me […]
I’m so tired. I can’t sleep yet. God I just need some sleep. I don’t want to wake up anymore. This world has gone to shit and I’m becoming more paranoid. I want to run away somewhere, a place where all this shit doesn’t exist. I could breathe in peace for once. Seeing as where everything’s going right now I don’t think it will exist, perhaps it stopped existing and I just never realized. My head is just trying to sabotage me. I’m worried sick right now. I feel so alone. I wish I could just close my eyes and sleep but I can’t yet.
I […]
America needs to WAKE THE FUCK UP!
People need to stop being Sheeple or Ostrich’s with their head in the sand.
But the ones seeing this dysfunction are the ones labeled “mentally ill.”
It has been done many times in the past.
Past visionaries, people ahead of their time, were either jailed or locked in asylums, for thinking differently than “mainstream.” Back in the day, if you thought the Earth was Round, you were considered insane.
But giving COCAINE to TODDLERS for toothaches was a […]
Holy shit, we’ve had our 130th mass shooting just THIS YEAR ALONE. And it’s still March!!
What do you all think about that? It’s been going on for SO long and after every shooting it’s always the same, “thoughts and prayers.” No one EVER does anything. No one EVER funds the desperately need mental health services. Hell, I’m not even a fan of the US mental health system and I think it needs more funding and better access (especially the therapy and support part, not the meds/psychiatry part).
Therapists and counselors also need better training bc right now, most are shit. […]
I hate that i’m always lonely. I hate that I push people away. I hate that I feel like I could snap at any moment. I hate that I have MDD, DMDD, GAD, and ADD. I hate that I hate myself.
ughhh why? why am I here. I don’t understand. Ive got a bottle of rum so I think im just gonna drink to my hearts content until I pass out.
the constant pain in unbearable. i cant do it and i keep attempting its become a monthly routine. but i dont really want to die. every time i do it i know it wont work but i hope it will.
i always hope every breath i take is the last i just cant deal with this.
i dont care who i hurt or whos affected
but i kind of do.
im so unsure about my place in this world
Apart from what consumption I manage, I feel as though I’m already dead. Dead minus the expensive parts; coffins, funerals, etc all are unnecessarily expensive and thus some days it’s just my frugality keeping me from snuffing it.
So I’m nominally alive, that is to say in medical terms, but not in any meaningful philosophic way.
I have some money, I don’t have anything I want to spend it on. Meanwhile there are things I want, but they are so out of my price range…. like where am I going to get $10k, the low end for unoccupied undeveloped land. What I want most right now is […]
So this doesn’t apply as much to you young folks, bc you still have a chance. But for us single middle age folk- if we haven’t been able to find a suitable person to want to be with us by now, what chance is that going to happen in the next 5 years? or even 10 years (although at that point we’re getting pretty fucking old).
There’s the “left over” theory- ie those that are good quality men and women, get snatched up early. Those who are left, well, they’re not really desirable- people who are poor, ugly, disabled, depressed, unmotivated, unproductive, not smart, […]
I want to be with someone who makes me feel good. Somebody who is funny and will make me smile. Someone who will be there when i’m down. Someone I can do all those same things for in return. I know i’m not good enough though I am going to be lonely forever.
What would you undo?
edit-
lol i had originally meant in ur own life, like any “mistakes” or choices that would have brought out dramatic changes in your life, like just switching majors or having gone to a different school. had i gone with what i originally wanted to do at the original uni i wanted to go to, my life would have been MUCH different. sigh. 🙁
or what if i had tried running away when i was little and actually done it?
I’ve been so depressed the last few months that I’m not even eating. Ok, it’s more like due to my fatigue and health issues, it’s the GETTING food that is the big problem. I could do it, but it’s so taxing on me. Which means I haven’t been going as often as I need and so I’ve been going hungry.
I told myself I need to go to the grocery store today, but yet again, I am lying in bed not doing it.
It’s so fucking bullocks that you have to keep getting groceries, keep eating, just to live. I […]
I lost all my friends back home, I question if they were ever my “friends” or just people I was around so I didn’t show how lonely I felt. I care for everyone and anyone, never asked for anything in return or needed help but when times got tough and I became the person that needed help, they were gone like the wind.
I thought moving away from it all would help, I didn’t have anything to lose as it was already gone. Starting University I moved as far from everyone I previously knew as I could. It’s funny really, they all keep in […]