Everyone always says shit like “I wouldn’t wish it on my enemy.” Well I DO. I DO wish “it” on my enemy. And every single person that has NO sympathy, no empathy, no compassion or NO CLUE as to how being sick means I can’t do things anymore, how I can’t function anymore.

I wish I could give ppl a taste of what my health problems are like, for ppl to FEEL it, and have NO WAY OUT like I don’t. Go and tell me to “journal” or “think happy” one more fucking time.

I haven’t had any real sleep since my car accident. No, I was not driving, I was a fucking pedestrian.
Whatever the car accident did, caused me to be unable to have deep REM sleep, so I’ve been chronically tired ever since then. As you can imagine, I’m fucking tired and exhausted and I just want to fucking SLEEP!!! If I could stab someone and if that meant I’d be able to sleep again, I’d fucking do it.

I literally have not a single night of REAL sleep since then. It’s been 14 years. And no, it’s not due to “stress” […]

Story timeee

So, I got in the car after school ended, like usual, and my school does professional dress Mondays so I’m wearing a skirt. Well long story short, someone said bye to me so I looked back at them and apparently my skirt when up too high and when I sat down in the backseat my mom just looks and at and she says, “are you cutting?” anyways since she already saw them on my thighs, there’s no denying it so I just didn’t say anything. Also, its my stepbrothers birthday, and birthdays are supposed to be fun but idek with this one. The whole […]

someone would either help me or just put me out of my misery.

Or are we destined for a life of chronic depression till death eventually does us in?

if there is one peculiar thing, it’s how celebrity suicides are handled. We were talking earlier about the note and the utility of framing your own death. Well Tom T. Hall didn’t leave a note. No one definitively knows why this 85 year old man killed himself.

In fact, it didn’t come out until well after that it even was a suicide. And that is the note that EVERY STORY ABOUT IT covers… OMG he was a country music legend, and isn’t it sad etc etc etc

Country music and depression go hand in hand in the United States, I don’t get how any country star dying […]

Y’know, sometimes I feel like I wasn’t meant to born. I think I’m defective. I don’t know if there’s something wrong with me or whatever but I just can’t seem to do anything right.

I don’t fit in with anyone and I can’t make friends because I don’t understand anything. I don’t get why people act the way they do, talk the way they do, or dress the way they do. I feel like a fucking idiot because I’m always out of the loop. I’m the one that never gets it. Everyone else is in on the secret and I’m sitting in the next room […]

My ex c**t girlfriend hit me with a domestic violence when I just trying to help her find a place so she didn’t have to sleep outside homeless and pregnant. Now I’m F***ED. I have a prior facing a F4. I got pre-trial. I can’t afford a attorney and got a public. Well anyways, what would you do? Fight it and it probably get convicted, or take a s**t plea deal of no prison time but you got a F4 you can’t expunge. Anyways, its 16 months in prison and 5 grand fine as the max. 6 months minimum because […]

There was a tale about a boy and a girl. They were both close friends who became closer over time. She was not interested in love or any type of meaningful relationship since she was not interested in these things. But, that guy was a sweet, compassionate, and overall wonderful person who professed his emotions for her over the phone.

She had no idea what he was up to since she considered him as a friend-zoned individual. Yet her feelings began to grow and she was in a steady and matured state. They began conversing and got to know one another better and better. Their love […]

Well there you have it folks, that’s what I have. It has made it to wikipedia. The term needs to be made more commonplace bc at least HALF if not the majority of depressed ppl suffer from this shit, and it’s why we’re depressed.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shit_life_syndrome
“Shit life syndrome (SLS) is a phrase used by physicians in the United Kingdom and the United States for the effect that a variety of poverty or abuse-induced disorders can have on patients.”

Is that term used much in the US though? This is the first time I’ve ever heard this term.

this godawful feeling of hopelessness, of despair, of depression. I can’t shake it. It’s like a shadow, with me 24-7. It is me, and I am it.

I’ve been trying to find a way to frame it and wrap my head around this whole thing. For me there are two critical spectrums in a job; ethics and compensation. Less ethics should equal greater compensation, seems like a given. More ethics, less compensation.

Except I’ve worked for some of the most morally bankrupt people…. and I’m broke…. it’s not like I had any kind of luxury lifestyle. And I can’t afford to work somewhere that I find morally rewarding anymore either.

It kind of built up for me, I watch a lot of movies where the main character is a hit man. Like, if that […]

and get anything at all done. been like that for 3 months. like, what a useless shit i’ve been. can’t even get the smallest thing done.

Feel so lethargic and fatigued. Have ZERO energy to do anything. I have to drag myself to pee and shower, let alone actually DOING something.

I feel a bit lonely. And tired. And sad. And gross haha. But anyway.

Sometimes I worry that the people that I care deeply for and who care for me are people I’ve made up in my head, and that really scares me. I dont know what I’d do if I found out the few people who loved me were imaginary and nothing I knew of was real. But I think that way a lot. It scares me.

Today was… meh. Nothing great but not the worst. I didnt get up for a long time, maybe that’s part of it. We (meaning my sister and I) cleaned […]

I don’t know what to do.

Suicide hotlines and chats do NOT work for me.
Going to a mental health hospital does NOT work for me (gone 3x in the past).
Therapists do not work for me (unless by miracle I actually find a good one), which takes YEARS or DECADES to find so that’s not happening.

Thinking positive, thinking happy thoughts, meditation, yoga, going for a walk- does NOT work for me.

Online depression groups haven’t helped either.
All anyone can do is “listen” and you type out words and people read it. It only does so much. Great if you just need to vent […]

always being depressed and feeling like shit. It’s been 40+ years of this shit and no, things don’t “get better.” It’s only gotten worse over the years and decades. What is the point of going on if this continues to be the present and future? The only thing stopping me is not having a way out. I don’t know any fool-proof guaranteed way that is quick and painless. Everything has it’s caveats and flaws, and when it comes to actually committing it, I can’t risk it failing bc life could be MUCH much worse if you fail and do […]

they were shot by a random bad guy?

Like imagining you went to the bank or store, and some random bad person is there, holding up the bank or store or restaurant with a gun, and you’re like, “ok, shoot me and put me out of my misery.”

I wouldn’t want to suffer and be bludgeoned to death or anything. It’s a very specific fantasy about being shot (1 shot, quick and fatal) without me having to suicide.

I have these thoughts ALL the time.

Too afraid of using a gun on myself bc I hear of so many stories of how ppl survive and are fucked up […]

I am all alone in this world. No one understands me. No one cares about me.

I need love but do not have any.
I need compassion and understanding but do not have any.
I do not have friends. I do not have S.O., I do not have family that gives a shit about me.
I need physical help but do not have any.
I need better health but I’m just wasting away and getting worse.

My head hurts
My body hurts
My heart hurts.
I want it all to end.
There is no light at the end of the tunnel.

I am […]

I am fucking up my life bc I’m too depressed to take care of things and do the stuff I need to do.

I’ve been on this site for awhile, hah.

I really hit rock bottom. Nothing I do helps.

I just hope my partner will still love me even through this all.