Have any of you used/use the website “Sanctioned Suicide”??? I’m not sure if this website has any age limits or anything, especially since we are no longer free to talk about suicide or methods.

If you think the world’s getting worse – you’re right. It objectively is.
if you think you’re special and valuable in some way – you’re right. So is everyone.
If you think society’s out to get you – you’re right. It’s out to get everybody.
If you feel you’re loved/not loved – you’re right. Everyone is and isn’t.
If you think you’ve reached the end – you’re right. We each get to determine where our terminal point in the infinite is.
If you think life’s (not) worth living – you’re right. The value of our life is entirely upon us to determine.

I still have my whole life ahead of me.
But will I make it?
My parents fight and fight.
My dad shouts and yells.
I get scared. I cry. I just can’t anymore.

Sometimes I think to myself that the situation could be a lot worse. Why am I sitting here crying when I have it better than most. I have a good home, good relatives, a good school. We always celebrate holidays, get presents, and go on vacation. So sometimes I hate myself when it seems like I have it all. All except one thing. Happiness. And parents that […]

“Authorities said Melchert-Dinkel was obsessed with suicide and hanging and sought out potential victims online. When he found them, prosecutors said, he posed as a female nurse, feigned compassion and offered step-by-step instructions on how they could kill themselves. Court records show Melchert-Dinkel told police he did it for the “thrill of the chase.”

Prosecutors said he acknowledged entering into fake suicide pacts with about 10 people, five of whom he believed killed themselves.“

One of the people Melchert-Dinkel chatted with was […]

The visit went 5/6ths as predicted. What’s worse is that right at the start I felt that long dead feeling of enjoyment of seeing an old friend after a long time, and soon after was shocked at actually being asked what’s been going on with me, but instead of really listening or asking for details (I don’t give them up lightly) was basically just told “oh maybe you’re on the very shallow end of the autism spectrum”. Wow. Okay. Thanks for that useless and completely off the mark “advice”, if it could even be called that.

The next several hours were, as they have been in […]

Never thought I’d be here but I feel how I feel. Many around me but I still feel alone. Tired of the betrayal, lies, fakes. It’s not the world but the ppl in the world that makes it feel shitty. I treat ppl with kindness, respect and sometimes even love…all for the effort to backfire. My dad is alive but I never felt like a princess cause he hasn’t been in my life as a real dad should have been. He was in jail when I was born and also hit my mom in her stomach while I was in the womb. If I would’ve […]

Looking to golden lights, disoriented by gossamer affection

You never loved me- lie no more. Leave me or love me, I shan’t stand for your façade any longer. I see truth, I knew from the genesis of your sin, it held no virtues.
You called my light delusion, and you called my patience an unchecked ego. When I spoke clearly at last, your shell crumbled, you held no quarter to the lies before which you had brought forth against me. You say it “I love you not, I care nothing for you however you shall live.” And so it was laid plain.

Here I am 2 years later and I feel no different. My room is my favourite place to be, where I don’t have to prove my value to anyone. Between my family and my friends, I feel no love. I am the least favourite. I’ll try my best to check up on everyone, but I can go days, weeks and months without even messaging and noone would care.  It’s a mental battle everyday to tell myself I’m loved and people care, but I know within my heart I’m only telling myself a lie. Sometimes I wish things were different,  I wish I meant something to […]

Goddamnit, I’d hate for this to just be some bum other journal for me. But- At break point, I know that need.
Tonight I make the daring leap, I do what I hate myself for, what they will never forgive truly. For they cannot love, They cannot care for anything other than their purchase ‘pon me.
They will hate and weep, plead and probe into me, but my adamantine message cannot falter. Tonight will be difficult, I fear it’s malfruition. I pray to honest God for strength, for forgiveness for the resolve of self I have lacked so long, and for grace abounding […]

Im not sure what I am anymore. My flame is out yet again. I’ve wasted my vacation doing nothing. Soon back to a job that drains me of all energy to work on my own life. The people I’ve recently tried to turn into my new closest friends while sacrificing another one in the process still seems so distant. Maybe natural since they have their kids. But I can’t help feeling lonelier than ever before… What a mess…