https://kissasian.pe/drama/thread-of-lies-episode-1
Please watch this mother and sister.
Mother
You always blame me for how i become now. […]
I’m trying to keep my head above water but I feel like I’ve lost all hope, my therapist isn’t helping so come next week my therapist is going to be fired, therapy was my last hope I’ve tried getting help since I was 16 and, 15 years later still no help. I comfort eat, comfort shop and that’s why I’m broke all of the time. My teeth are rotting but because of my autism and my dentist being poor and not understanding I was fired from the only dentist in the area. I have very little energy in the day and I don’t really want […]
sometimes I hate these small comforts, the things that keep me out of the hospital…..
Hot showers and baths
bike rides
playing with my dogs
video games
movies
coffee, it’s nearly impossible to get good coffee in the hospital
nicotine, in the hospital it’s nicotine patches, not pleasant at all
as long as it could get worse, I try to hold on. Earlier today I visited a person who has screwed his life up more completely than I have, and while I admire the boldness, I can’t do it. The guy has alienated everyone that would even try to be his friend, to the point he’s working awful hours, with very little comfort. […]
So far when ever I ask for advice on what to choose, I always get the same answer. “You know yourself best, so it’s up to you”. I understand the sentiment, but I hate myself. I hate myself so much. I hate how pathetic and sad and worthless I am. I wasn’t able to get a hold of her. Lately, I feel like less and less I want to talk to her. Maybe that’s a good thing. It shouldn’t be up to her to make me feel better. I can feel myself losing it a little. […]
Cheers to fighting this until then
On the one hand:
I want to get better. I hate these cravings and thoughts that control me. I want to be my own person not a bunch of disorders (please don’t tell me I’m not, that shows a lack of understanding in my case). I want to live a happy life with my straight SO (straight as in he doesn’t drink or do drugs or anything)
On the other hand:
I hate this. The cravings that can be so easily satisfied and gone. The thoughts I can drown in. Idc idc idc I just want to drown. I just want to be hurt and used. I want […]
I honestly don’t see much of a point in life at this point.Of course I love my friends and family but I still don’t love myself.I’m too lazy to put any effort into getting myself better.
its currently 4:00pm and I’m still in bed, blankets over the windows in the dark crying. sounds pathetic right? well to be honest I don’t want to move because I can’t, hear but the muffled noises from the TV and then its quiet… its nothing im in the dark again wondering why now? why now out of all times? and thing like why cant i be normal? Normal being able to get out of bed and enjoy life without worries and cares. but alas i cant live like that it seems impossible.
Reclaiming the past
If I found out I joined this game on purpose and it isn’t some prison for souls I’m gonna be furious.
it is really hard to love an emotionally blocked parent who expects honor and special treatment but tries to control and dismiss you at the same time. As someone with emotionally immature parents, I do not get my emotional needs met. They have very little interest in experiencing emotional intimacy. They always demand attention but coupled with their wariness about intimacy, there is a very strange push-me, pull-me relationship. It is unsatisfying and causes you to be emotionally lonely. I care about my parents, but I can’t and won’t ever get close enough to have a real relationship. I am very thankful that I have […]
Sometimes i feel like i can’t do this anymore. I have a lot of issues, i know but how do they all stem from one point? I have been suffering with weight issues for a long time now, since 4th grade. And i can’t lose it no matter how hard i try. Because of that i compare myself to everyone, like “Look at her, she’s skinny and so beautiful” or “why can’t i look like that?” That comparing of looks and weight turned into me comparing myself to others about intelligence. When i don’t understand something i freak out and beat myself up for not […]
Being lgbt is hard sometimes
I can’t drink anymore because of what it does to my body but I need something to stop feeling. I have other coping mechanisms but nothing numbs everything like alcohol does. When I was younger I always thought I’d end up as an alcoholic or a drug addict. This reality is too hard to stomach on its own. My meds help but not with depression.
Wtf do I do without alcohol?
I wish there would be a day when I could openly announce all the shit I do and why, bet my classmates would actually start to realise how painful these things are and apologize for gossips. Don’t judge a book by its cover, really. I may look like the weird kid that does weird shit for the sake of attention, perhaps they think I’m autistic or something? I don’t know but behind all of this pile of shit there is a person begging for help, I want to be seen positively. I can be a nice person, I can be a good friend, I can […]
I am so tired of managing symptoms, talking to therapists, restraining urges, surviving, getting by, never living as more than that for more than a second. I don’t get anything from therapy anymore. Talking doesn’t make it any easier. That’s why I’m posting here, I just want to get it out, not to be listened to.
I need to stop for a moment. I need to lie down and hibernate or stop existing just for a break. I’m so tired of management and the dry, crushing boredom of ‘recovery’.
Life feels like an endless loop of cleaning up one problem after another and nothing but numbness in […]
and already feel stuff a minor shouldn’t feel at an early age. I can’t just do it anymore my parents have high expectations in me and I have to carry all of them, they compare me to everybody that’s better than me, get angry at little stuff, if only I wasn’t a honor student would they change? I love them so much as my parents but why can’t they understand that I’m a real human being and have my own opinions and paths? I know they are just trying to make me top notch but even harassed my girl bestfriend cause they thought I was […]
I’ve tried writing here for a really long while. Probably made like 10 accounts with passwords I forgot. Have like 12 posts in drafts, always uncertain of what to post. But there is one thing. Recently I’ve daydreamed about what it would be like to get head-pats from someone, telling me I’m doing good and trying my best. That they’re proud of me. A dream that always brings me to tears. Kinda can’t help myself from crying. I just do. The tears trickle down cuz there’s too much. Pretty stupid how much just a single dream makes me cry and lose my shit now. Panic […]
Immediately as I title this, it comes to me that I belong here more than anywhere else. that is to say, I feel better loved and understood here than anywhere else. It may be just my desire, but that feeling is real.
I don’t belong, in general. I didn’t belong in high school, and over many jobs in my adult life, belonging is something rare. The places I belonged are gone, possibly forever. Those jobs, those communities are dead. Some of the people are dead too.
Anyway, one of my mentors posted a thing about my generation, and why we don’t click with church. I wrote a […]