My regrets, longing, & cravings wait for me at the end of each day, to remind me that everything is wrong, and sleep is for those with a clean conscience. I’ve ruined my life, over and over again, far past the point of recovery. So far beyond the bounds of morality that normalcy is alien to me. Nothing will ever be ok, ever again. How could it be, when I’ve done these things, and still think about these things.
And I’m not killing myself because I’m afraid. And the only way that fear will ever be overcome is if things get so bad that I fear […]