Hi! I’m a 29 year old male and have suffered with clinical depression and acute anxiety (not the generalised “everyday” variety) my whole life. My story is most likely the same as everyone on here but at the same time I understand everyone’s different. I read a few posts from teenagers on here and let me tell you, I know what your going through and it’s a nightmare. But there is hope. And sites like this one do more for society than YouTube, Facebook, etc. all combined. Especially teenagers.

Anyway I abused alcohol from a young age because I didn’t know what was wrong with me. […]

With all the suicidal thoughts, pain from health wise, feeling hopeless, always depress etc I have learned to deal with the challenge I have been given. Instead of trying to take my life away I will try to save those who are thinking of ending their life. Yes its going to be heard but its worth a try and maybe for once I could say I did something, maybe for once at least I could say I’m proud of myself.

Tonight I am going to be commuting suicide by getting run over by a train. Nothing has ever gone right in my life and i just can’t handle living this life like this. I’ve tried to change but nothing helped and things just got worse and worse. I have finally gotten the courage to do it and I won’t have any regrets.

I’m writing it all because I need it, I know you’re the only people who could understand on this site.
It’s funny how much it takes to suffer a living hell to understand what life really is. How happy people with everything you want doesn’t know shit about life and just tell you to be positive. I was a normal kid, average happy with nice family and a best friends in the ‘popular’ girls you know. In 6th grade my friends were leaving me one by one and the next year I would be entering high school alone. In this summer I discovered I was […]

I was so depressed for years…and finally it goes away…just like that….so the question is….when is it coming back…..

You need to read this if you have ever: Wanted to kill yourself. Thought about death. Thought about who would and wouldn’t care. Thought you weren’t good enough. Looked at yourself in the mirror and hated what you saw. Starved yourself. Threw your food up. Made yourself work out excessively. Cut yourself. Burned yourself. Scratched yourself. Hurt yourself. Made yourself feel bad about who you are. Cut people out of your life. Been cut out of someone’s life. Taken pills. Written notes to yourself about what you should be and what you aren’t. Looked at someone and wished you were them. Cried yourself to sleep. […]

First day of school and I’m already overwhelmed with stress and anger. My sister gets to enjoy over a month more of vacation before she leaves for college while I’m stuck having to deal with term paper, US History and Pre Calculus. What am I going to do after she’s gone? It’s not like we can Skype every single day. I’m just told to be happy for her. This is not what I had in mind for my junior year. All of my fun classes are out, including study hall. The whole reason I wanted those classes was to help make this year less stressful, […]

I’ve made  the decision to stop seeing my therapist, and stop receiving my anxiety medication. Since then it’s been a roller coaster, but the lack of doctors appointments has de-stressed me, and I have more time to do fun things that make me happier than therapy or medication ever did. The problem I have is- I didn’t tell my mom. I drive myself, so she knows very little about my appointments. Once the bills stop coming, she is likely to ask questions. I’m very uncomfortable talking to my mom, she thinks I tend to make irrational decisions..

I’m not sure if I should just tell her […]

I did it.. I found someone I loved, thanks to *some of* you guys. Her name is Yuuki! and she’s a fellow suicidal club member. For me to meet her must be fate. I am living, breathing proof that someone can find love no matter how stupid you find ourelves.

Every day, it’s hard.
Life’s like a deck of cards.
Not knowing what’s gonna come at you.
Struggling to decide what to do.
You’re ready to go,
You’re feeling low.
Something’s keeping you here.
You gotta face those fears.
You can get through it.
You’re worth it.

So here recently the thoughts of suicide have been creeping back to my thoughts. And it looks pretty good at this moment.. Over the past couple of weeks I have done the most selfish thing I have ever done. I want go into any detail because its just to entirely long and complicated. I have been crying alot. Which is fine, because I really really do deserve to feel like shit.
Sometimes I really do want to die. Lately I have been driving without a seat belt, with hopes that I wreck. Its pathetic I know. But its the only thing I can think of […]

I seem to be flipping between fear of death & an inclination to embrace it. Sometimes I feel dread at the prospect of some of the diseases that I’m obviously encouraging through smoking & drinking to excess; other times I feel so completely obliterated that I wish it would just end – I don’t have the energy to do it myself, so just melt away with lethargy: too tired even to sleep. UK gun laws don’t make it quick or easy.

I occasionally see comments from people who thank whatever deity for having a good life. OK, I wasn’t borne malformed, I guess I’ve never gone […]

Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but suicide is an inevitability for me.

I didn’t end up doing it. I’ve found something to distract me for the time being. However, the device is ready and waiting for me. Hopefully I can keep my head out of the water long enough to get sick of it being in my house. It is a modified exit bag… worthy of mass production and custom color options.

Hope Monday isn’t getting the best of anyone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQRWeZy-S8Q

I dreamt of what it’s like
To be dead
Lingering
On the steps

Watching them cry
Slowly regretting
What I had chosen
To carry on by

Why did I do that?
Why did I? Why?
For someone who’s breathing
Who’s carrying on by

Slowly departing to
Somewhere unknown
I felt uneasy
All was then wrong

No more tomorrow
To save me from all
As the sleep I was sleeping
Was eternal and cold

With no one to save me
And no one to love
I said goodbye
To move on […]

Maybe I signed my life away before I was born. Maybe we were meant to suffer. Maybe suffering is our best friend. What is Happiness? What is Peace? When did I become so mentally wounded. Wounded by thoughts, wounded by anxieties, wounded by depression, even wounded by mass paranoia. Maybe I’m skitzo, I invited it in didn’t I. I invited it all in. Surrounded by suffering, when will it end.

I had a dream I was thrown into an abyss, heard the Devils voice and pleaded mercy to God. Where is God? Why does life happen the way it does. What’s the purpose of it […]

I didn’t realize until I typed the title that it can be taken literally or figuratively. I meant it figuratively, but now that I think about it, it’s pretty fitting that I would take a swandive off the ******* bridge.

I wouldn’t say I had it all, but I had a lot. I never took it for granted, but it still hurts just as much to lose it. Someone once said if you lose everything you should be able to get it back, and if you can’t then you never deserved it in the first place. I used to think that was more or less true, […]

so I have decided to get back on my diet. Water and vegetables. I have to get down 40 pounds by the beginning of next summer…