hello i posted here before once and got some good advice…but im feeling like ending my life more then ever. Everything ive worked on to become more optimistic and happy just seemed like a waste of time its gotten to the point where  ”smiling”  has become a chore. Ive tried to work on my family relationships to be happier and to be more social for them but they constantly remind me how pathetic i am i mean my gran would open the door to people and openly say ”this is my pathetic excuse of a grandson i couldnt be more ashamed to be his grandmother” and  my mother constantly reminding me how […]
Am I the only one that really believes I’m a walking accident?
I mean…. I’ve lost/annoyed everyone I know and I’m to much of a freak to meet new people. Most of the time everyone annoys me, and I dont mean a small aggitation, I’m on wanting to duct tape poeople up and leave them tape to the wall…. And yeah, that’s not normal.
I’m currently fighting with my ‘best friend’. We used to be so close and now I do t even know what book she’s reading! We became friends because the group of people we hung around […]
I used this website for a bit and it helped some to communicate with people who can understand the struggle of depression. i think i managed to be okay for two years.. but i had a downfall and im not really sure what exactly caused it but the point is.. im back and personally it got way worse.. i had mentioned how i had tried taking my life but i dont remember ever doing some of the things i have done in the past months.. almost a year already that i guess “the cycle” came back. ive actually reached out to professionals and i went […]
I don’t know whats important in my life, what i want , what i’m looking for :E I have cool job with a very good salary and future opportunities, so i need to improve my skills and knowledge more and more but.. : / sometimes i’m Ok and I don’t care about such kind of a things, but often I have long depressions and wishes to die.. I don’t know what’s missing in my life, why am i so different, I don’t even get on with someone they all are at most liers, fools or trying to be fool or something :/ and that makes me to hate […]
My friends are telling me he is a player. He isn’t. He is nice to me, and he knows what its like to feel suicidal like I do. He knows what its like to be abused. He told me he cares about me and he wouldn’t know what to do if I killed myself. He tells me secrets he doesn’t tell anyone else. So why do all of my friends hate him?
I can’t say I’ve got no friends or good family, I have had insanely rough patches and people have tried to help me through it although they never understood. So, why do I feel like I have nothing to go on?
He’s a liar and a cheat, why didn’t I just listen to the lititle voice inside my head? Help I need advice on what to do when you screwed a guy but can’t remember half of it and everyone knows. I really did care about him but it turns out he was just crazy, as crazy as he said I was. Â Everyone called me a whore for something I did not want to happen. Help. I need advice to over come this.
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I thought things were getting easier, resisting the urge to cut myself. But knowing that I’m worthless to a large amount of people isn’t really helping me. I have all these emotions that I need to get out to someone in person but I don’t have anyone to get them out to. It’s like everyone around me is happy and at the moment there’s not one thing that’s making me smile. I feel physically and mentally tired and I’ve almost  completely given up. I have no friends at school, I’m not close to my family, and the one person I need right now is ignoring […]
And in the morning when I don’t wake upÂ
what will change?Â
What will stop?
What will you say?Â
What will it matter anymore?Â
Not to me.
I will have been dreaming of being a big happy family and being healthy and being loved and wanted. That’s what will have changed. That’s what will matter.
no one can stop it
no one can change it
And what you say or don’t say, do or don’t do, won’t be able to hurt me anymore.Â
Because in the morning I didn’t wake up
Hello my name is Arianna I am 15 years old. I have no reason to live. i hate this I hate all of this. I hate the human beings in this world who make it their job to judge and bully. I hate the models out there that are the pure essence of beauty when they are all bones and skin. I hate the stupid corrupted police system that turns a blind eye to a child being sexually abused because it’ll make their job easier to sit on their lazy asses!
So here I sit in hate with blood dripping from my wrists writing to […]
Once again, i find myself feeling depressed. I thought I might list down my probles here:
Everyone I ever meet instanly calls me gay, sometimes even before I’ve said a word to them.
My parents often make out like im the worst child they could ever have, which I dont think I am.
I have no friends at my new school, and my good friends from my old school are replacing me.
So there you have it. Like I said in my first post, i really feel like im just Gods trash. I feel like an accident, a mistake. There is absolutely nothing good about […]
Guys I really need some help. I am not doing good at all. Each day just gets worse and worse. I feel like im suffocating, drowning in my own fears of having to live another day. How can I survive when every part of me is telling me to end it? How much it would be easier without me here? I can’t tell my friends anything because they tell me I am being overdramatic, my family would just throw me back into a mental institution and the only true friend I had died. The two year anniversary of him killing himself is coming up and […]
I have literally lost everything – job, friends, house, boyfriend – and it’s all my fault. Living with my dad in the country now with no hope if getting a job. He has terminal cancer and I’m not even strong enough to help him. And I can’t feel anything at all. I can see no point in continuing living. I wish I could just dissolve into the air, but a bad death is coming for me soon, I just don’t know when.
Okay so lately i have been a real dumbass getting myself a lot of stupid things & i might do ecstasy pills this week &; i might also do weed brownies:/ i have never ever done drugs but i feel my old depressed &; suicidal self is coming back & i dont want to cut anymore but it seems like im turning myself to drugs :c i dont know what the hell to do cause i truly dont have no one who truly understands what im going through. I feel like if i done drugs i will be happy again & i wont have to […]
I find it really hard to let go and say what I want on this site I guess because I don’t do it at all and if I do it’s once in a blue moon but right now my thoughts are racing and I want to speak freely.
This week hasn’t been to great for me and I’m feeling indifferent about it, I haven’t been able to focus on my work and have been getting very little sleep I guess it’s because last year around Christmas is when my depression was worse than normal. I was reflecting  to last year when I got depression, I remember […]
But I never knew such strangers could make an impact on my life. You all are incredible. Strong. Indescribable people. You need to know that because of you guys, the ones that have commented on my posts, have helped me through so much more than you think, even with saying the littlest thing. You have helped me so much more than someone who is close to me ever has and ever could.
You guys have saved me. You guys have helped me believe in myself. And I’m here for you, as of those of you who are here for me. So thank you, even if we […]
i dont even know what to say anymore. the slightest word to describe how i feel escapes my brain. ive now failed at killing myself 10 times. Im like the helen keller of suicide. if we’re all born to die and we all die to live than whats the point of living since they both contradict. so ya some would call me a suicide survivor i just call myself a failure and suicide just happens to be one of the things i fail at
The shooting today.. 20 kids dead… 6 adults it brought up so many memories, that may have even no relation.
First the shock that someone can hurt kids so innocent.. then i remember my past 2 people hurt me.. when i was so young.. to innocent to protect myself. At their entire control, my life was basically in there hands…
Then i thought of how these kids would suffer 5-10 years from now. Like i do today, the symptoms of my PTSD have cause severe depression, anxiety, insomnia, psudo siezures, multiple persanality disorder, and bipolar. I agree some of these may not have been a direct result, […]