just feeling so down today……….. hae been seeing a psychologist and my thoughts of self mutilation and suicide went away for a while but the past couple days ive just felt terrible and hae been thinkin of so many ways to just make everything stop. anyone know any tactics to help get back into a good mindset or to stop the saddness??

I thought I had beaten the bad thoughts, but apparently not. They’re back. Again… They’re back, they’re stronger than ever and I’m too tired to face them. I really wish people could know how many times I’ve fought this off…. How many times all I could think of was not waking up again. How many times I’ve drafted the same letter, trying to find the right words to explain to the people I love why I had to leave them. And each time, I get closer… The letter is now 11 pages long. It is placed in the right place to be found by the […]

See that girl in class that never speaks a word unless spoken to? That’s me. That girl also has ears and feelings.
I hear you whisper my name in a conversation saying how weird I am.
I’m aware, thank you.
She’s really quiet but she is screaming inside.
I’ve tried to not be so quiet but it’s just who I am. I’m insecure and don’t like to be noticed.
But I wish I was that girl that can brighten up the room.
Now, the littlest things can make me hurt inside. It hurts to the point that I cut […]

I sat in the bathtub, playing the same songs over and over but I wasn’t really listening.

It wont hurt. Someone told me you just get confused. Then it’s over.

I held my breath and dove under the soapy water. It was the first time I had done something like this. I had always wanted to die, but I had never tried to do it. Today was different.

It was a strange feeling. I had been under water plenty of times, I practically grew up at the local swimming pool, but today I wasn’t pretending to be a mermaid or trying to improve my backstroke: Today I was […]

thats my story, except i never turned into anything beautiful. Just like the ugly Duckling, i was born ugly, people made fun of me about it since 5th grade until now (senior) and there’s just nothing good going for me. Im honestly one of those people who are ashamed of walking down the hallway because the way i look. im one of those people who walk with my head down on my way to classes. Im just soo tired of looking like this. i know i talk about it all the time, but i believe if i was confident about my looks for once in […]

I want to die , But im to much of a fucking ***** to do anything. My parents fight a lot , I stick up for my mom when my dad hits her but the next day she just tells me she hates me. They hear me crying but the dont fucking care! I lock my door sometimes and my mom says how shes going to hurt me when i get out. I didnt know you do this to the people you love? I dont know anything. Ive never felt like this , i feel like nothing matters. Nothing.

Well, I was totally breaking down. Maybe a couple days away from ending it all and you caught me. You found me..even though I know i’m not good enough for anyone, you make me feel like i’m good enough for you. Havent been on here in a couple of days and I’m on here again because my ex boyfriend depresses me. But you’ll text me and ask what’s wrong, and make things better. I’d hate to think where I’d be if I hadn’t met you.
It just seems a bit too good to be true…and that would break me completely.

Hi. My life story? I’m fourteen years old. My parents are divorcing, and I know it’s because of me, I was their mistake. My dad wanted kids at first, but my mom didn’t, now neither of them really want me. I have friends, and I seem like a normal crazy teenager. But hey, a smile can’t hide everything. My uncle committed suicide. I’ve thought about it many times. The only thing holding is my best friend, her brother died a few years ago. She has thoughts of suicide too. My words have always stopped her, I just wish that I could believe them myself. I’m […]

Fellow empty, twisted, depressed, and manic readers I present the following true story of a perfect example of how the “normal populous” sees us.
I was at one time attending a support group for individuals “like my self” whom suffered from severe bi polar and depression cases. on this occasion someone new brought their mother (her daughter had been to a few meetings and so her mother decided to come).
As we begin the round table of pointless discussion E.G.how was you’re last seven days blah, blah, blah.
We finally reach a single woman who is a severe bi polar like myself. She states the […]

I have thought a lot about one of the reasons I am so lonely, and realize that I believe in all the beautiful things. I love the way the sky looks on a clear night, or the colors in a sunset, or a peaceful forest during the day. Most people in modern society find those things ‘corny’, or ‘sappy’, and would discount them or those who believe in them. I am lonely because I made a choice to love those beautiful, strange, slightly-spiritual aspects of the universe. It feels like this way of life leaves one completely alone, which is true save the select group […]

The new me… thats what im hearing from everyone. Thats what i see when i look in the mirror. I have been depressed for the past 5 to 6 months… yes its taken that long for them to give a crap. My gp wants to put me on anti depressants. Go figure. I hate all these people that think they are so helpful and supportive. Youre not me… you never will be so please leave me alone. You have NO idea what im going through or what it feels like so LEAVE ME ALONE! Stop pretending to understand and care coz lets face it … […]

I watched a “19 Kids and Counting” episode yesterday that’s given me new perspective on life.  It was about the mom who was pregnant with her 20th child and she went to her 18-week ultrasound appointment to find out if it was a boy or girl but then the u/s tech told them the baby did not have a heartbeat.  They were devastated, of course, and it was so sad to watch.  But on the other hand, it was neat to see how the family banded together through their grief and supported one another.  (That’s kind of like this site, huh?)  Anyway, seeing how much […]

(SORRY THIS IS GUNNA BE REALLY UNorganized, I just keep editing it, and adding info..Hi I’m a physically healthy (not so much mentally) 18 y/o girl, with many issues including: Severe anxiety (social), I have been depressed before, suicidal, I’ve been recently diagnosed with ADD. I think I might have avoidant personality disorder, mild ocd? mild sexual abuse and I think I had selective mutism as a child up until gr.11 when I dropped out of highschool, because I cracked . and alienated/avoided virtually all my friends(due to depression, humiliation and I didn’t want to have anything to do with my school.) I spend most […]

today i was talking to this guy i like for 3-4 months right. and he told me he  take culinary arts. and i said “really, you takke culinary arts”? i said it in a kind of mean way but i was just playing with him like always, and then he looked at me and said

“Do you take 101 classes on how to be ugly, because if so your doing a great job on it”.

He didnt have a smile on his face, or anything, he was serious, and he turned around. i know when he’s joking and when he’s not, and he did have an attitude […]

A lot of people I know say that they are there for me.  That they will listen to what I say and not make their own assumptions.  But they are never there, and they never listen.  They make their assumptions, and state their opinions as if they are the facts of the world.  The counselors ask me questions that I mainly can’t answer, because it would give some secret away.  And when I do answer, they say I’m lying, give their own answer, and decide that they are right.  Even thought they don’t know the things they say about me.  They are supposed to be […]

When I think about life and the meaning of it, I realise that there actually isn’t any meaning to it at all. Basically, the less than 100 years given to us on the planet are nothing compared to the infinity of death waiting for us.

Life is fleeting and death is eternal. What’s even the point?

For every second of our lives, there’s an infinity of death out there, biding its time.

I understand the whole ‘you make your own meaning’ thing about life, and that it’s ‘what you make it’, but that doesn’t give it any more relevance in my opinion.

Right now I’m actually happy, which makes […]

I don’t know what to do. A really close friend of mine has been depressed most of his life and has again threatened to take his own life today. He has been going through a particularly rough time lately. He is in his early 20s and has so much potential. Tonight I sat on the phone with him for almost 2 hours trying to talk him out of it. I have no way of getting to him tonight. At the end of the conversation he was a bit better and promised me he would wait until tomorrow.
I don’t know what to do, I don’t […]

When I was still in Korea  for the exchange student program, that was the time that I was so down and determined to kill myself. However, I realized that i can’t die in a foreign country.  So I just let it pass and hoping that things will get better for myself and that I want to see my friends and family too when I get back. I actually sort of planned everything when I was still there; I’ll get a job or find something that won’t me make rely on anyone financially. I was really positive about this plan because I thought since I felt […]

Why is it when I speak no one listens.

Why do I feel as though I have so much to say to so many people but I always end up holding back as I dont think they will understand.

Inside I have had enough, all I want is someone to understand, put their arms around me and stay with me until I feel better.

One day this cry for help will come too late.

i never felt so close to death before,
thinking of it comforts me more than living,
well aware of slowly dying,
my system says just get it over with and go.