i hate my anxiety. i hate my mental illness. i can’t work because of it. working terrifies me. every time I’ve went to a job interview I’ve had a panic attack or have had to take an Ativan and have been to drugged to be lucid enough to be interviewed. the older i get and the less work experience i acquire the worse it will get. eventually I’ll be 30 applying for a job. and an employer will see my application and ask why a 30 year old has never worked before. and I’ll have to say its because I’m mentally ill. there’s a lot […]

Nobody knows about my current suicide plans.  My family knows about the two preteen/teen attempts but they think I’m all better now.  Tell people what they want to hear and… you know the rest.  The third attempt they may have found out about except my little brother is listed as my contact and well from what he does for a living I KNOW he will not snitch.

My friend was visiting just to see my place. I rarely have visitors but she kept insisting and since we both dig anime, games, the occult, and dark themed tings I consented.  Since I rarely have company I really […]

For seven years now ive been lieing  to myself believing things would get better, people would change….my efforts to hold on would pay off….but ive hit a point where everything has lost meaning and hope….my thoughts of suicide are my only form of happiness now…my life has lost value i no longer see the point in waken up….i cant escape my thoughts no matter how hard i try….everyone doesnt   realize the hurt i feel n why its so easy for me to jus not care about anything…they take it as a  joke n use me as an escape from their lives….ive tried to reach out for […]

the only time I feel calm without the influence of drugs, is here. Fuck, what’s wrong with me? :s

I think about dying, and now, what holds me back is that I won’t get to swim in the sadness that I’ll cause with my death. I won’t be able to lick the tears of my loved ones as they wonder why they didn’t notice my derangement sooner. I wanna be like huck finn, fake my death and attend my funeral. The only happiness I have is others misfortune and oh golly would I love to feed off the negative energy that would be radiating from my […]

im so confused about my life right now. i honestly dont know what to do anymore. i came so close to ending my life. but i didnt do it. im not scared or afraid. but i welcome death like you would a good friend. no one understands me or how i feel even though they say that they do. they are just lies. they dont understand what i say or why i do things the way i do. they all try to help me but i dont want their help. i feel unworthy, unloved, uncared for, and misunderstood. i feel like i let everybody down. […]

I feel alone…empty….like nothing matters anymore…maybe it doesn’t matter…..I’m tired…tired of life…tired of people…and their acting. Acting like they care….acting like they want to help when in truth the one they really care about is themselves. Im not stupid. I believe in the truth, because lies hurt. Don’t protect me from the truth with lies and lies. I know better. I’m not a play toy. I have feelings. Humans are liers and sinners. They are worthless. I’m worthless. Even I lie from time to time. It’s hard to tell the truth but I wish that someone could even if it hurt more than the lies. […]

I’m thinking of doing it tomorrow night. 1/21/12 is when I die. I wanted to do it on my birthday. That was three months ago. Should have then. Should’ve done it along time ago. I know some people work through worse pain then I have experienced. I feel hopeless. I used to feel sorry for myself. Realized that gets you nowhere. Thinking about just walking in front of a semi. If I jump just at the right moment I should die. I know that it’s selfish to do. Especially in that way. Can’t really find another way to do it. No car.  Can’t find good […]

I will not kill myself! i will not take your crap . you will no longer play mind games with my emotion. i dont care that your my father you can go to hell and burn. To ever bully that ever teased me… FUCK YOU. You know what you guys are? pussies! spineless maggots that fed off my need to be like everyone else. One time i would have gave in and died. but now if i ever see you again DAD i will sock you in the teeth until someone bleeds. and it wont be me. To the man that raped me as a […]

I can say what’s gone wrong in my life. But feeling depressed has been normal since I was very young. I can’t really remember what started everything but I remember being bullied from age five up until I was sixteen. Sounds pretty sad, not one year of school where I wasn’t bullied and alienated. My parents when I was young, was well great. It’s just my Dad’s temper got worse when my half-sister became a druggie. Heroin, Coke, you name it, the police found it. She would steal from my parents and wouldn’t know me. Got pregnant a few times by druggies and drug dealers. […]

this is what i sent to lauren earlier, it might not make much sense to your guys but its basically wha happened to me today….:/ <3

‘Ok…. So Mr Gregory tried to make me talk to Una when you left, I refused to step into her office, and then Lydia turned up…. I started to break down at this point. We all then went to sirs office and Miss Gentry was there, she said that if it was just about earlier then I should just go back to lesson, Lydia walked me to art and asked Miss Glover if she could take me to talk about […]

Ive been abused as a child…
Ive lost loved ones..family & friends… Ive been divorced twice by the same man & I have no friends cause they just want to laugh at you & tell you your just crazy… I have a gun… […]

Hi all,

As Im approaching dreaded birthday tomorrow,I’m SO tempted to just end it all tomorrow night. I would do it tonight,but have to work:( I could just take off tomorrow after some sleep,check into a remote motel,and just let go…. I get so frustrated,esp. when my bitchy boss just sent me a nasty txt telling me not to be “negative” to the new nurse that Im training tonight. This is AFTER I spent all week letting her vent about her problems,taking time to help her with scheduling everybody,doing extra work,picking up overtime(granted I need it) and,oh yeah,just going over there and offering to do 4 […]

 I just want to fall asleep and never wake up again.  I’ve been feeling like this for a while now and I don’t want to be here anymore.  Is there such a thing as a peaceful way to go?

It’s true I’m worthless. I’m not going anywhere or doing anything. No one wants me or cares about me. No one really understands me. The people around me like me sure, but they wouldn’t be too sad if I went away. I just cant handle the mediocrity anymore. I feel sick to my stomach. I want to puke my guts out and die. I can’t do this. I can’t keep going through the motions, trying to figure why the fuck I’m here. It’s too overwhelming. It’s too much. I want to curl up in a ball and cry, and I do every night. I know […]

Title says it all.

I’m not saying that SP should be all gloom and doom, but lately, it feels as though no one is really reading the stories of people anymore. From my understanding, this is a site where people type up their stories (stories which, btw, sometimes take a lot of courage to even remember) and hopefully, someone out there in the world wide web acknowledges that someone still bothers, no matter the problem. Most of the people who post here just needs to feel reassured that someone might still care, when in their own real life, it feels like no one does. I perceive […]

My story needs to be told. No one should ever be abused, in any way. It is not only harmful to yourself, but to everyone else around you. This is my story. It is never okay to be abused.

Yes, this is mostly an abuse story.  But for a lot of that relationship,  I felt like killing myself. That is NOT your only choice.

When I was in 11th grade, and prior to that grade, I suffered from depression. The “no-one loves me, I just want to die” type. One of my friends happened to be really angry at this one guy so I anonymously texted him […]

I am starting to realize no matter what u do in life you will never be able to escape life without all the pain that comes with it. Life will be good there for a while and then I will just be knocked down again like I always do.It always happens. I try to hold on to the fact that things will get better and in a couple of months I will look back and realize life is worth living, but I have gone through this so many times I don’t see any hope. I try to keep holding on, but it is the hardest […]

I always thought i wasn’t need in life. Like a disease devouring someone until they die. I felt like a disgrace to my family for years, but i don’t know why. My father always told my he will proud of me no matter. Yet i never accepted what he said that day. I wish i was never born to be able to feel this way.  I just want to end this suffering once and for all. If i do go many people will miss me. But if i don’t i I’m going to loss it. I need help… i need an answer. HELP… Should I Go Or No!?

About two months ago I was at my end. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD after seeking therapy for my thoughts of suicide. I’m 25 years old and I’ve been through so much. My therapist have almost cried when they hear my story. It’s terrible and I will not get into it too much.

I was in a horrible relationship and he kept pushing me till I was on my bathroom floor crying. I couldn’t take the pain anymore and I have been saying for years that I will commit suicide. Finally after two days of taking pills to numb […]

Damn it it thought I was done but guess what? I’m starting to cut AGAIN! God damn this shit after I was good for 8 months but I guess all that’s down the drain now. I’m mad,sad and frustrated with myself. The past 2 days I’ve been finding out that my closest friends also cut as well so we made like this support group for us and we don’t have a name so it’s ok but we all support each other in there and I like it but now,I have to go to school tomorrow and my best friend also cut today it was her […]