One week. No sleep. Deprived. Can’t eat. I’m numb. Mind state frozen. Stuck on one topic. Hope. Wondering if I’ve lost it. Or found more of it. To use as an aid. In helping to survive. Fight. Through every day. Waking up. Thinking how different things could be. If only.. If only.. Two simple words. When put next to each other. Forms the most useless sentence. It’s impossible. To go back and change it. You cannot rearrange it. Life keeps going on. Even when it doesn’t.

I’m  a small, almost invisible, almost nobody. Not important. Not worth it. Undeserving. A self-destructive personality. Ruining everything. When things seem […]

As my soul withers and my mind sleeps there is nothing but numbness in the dark abyss called my life .I try to fight but they won’t let me, am trapped in this place between reality and imaginary.I wish it would stop that, i could be free, but they won’t let me go, they want me to remain in a state that would be easily controlled and manipulated to their tasks. I need air to breathe and stars to fill my sky instead of this stormy grey sky and dead pastures. I would ask for help, but i have to do it on my own, […]

It’s hard for me to express this in a good way.  I tend to keep this kind of thing to my self because I don’t want to be perceived as some show off; some attention seeking guy who wants sympathy.  I dont post my thoughts on my facebook or on youtube videos I just keep it all to myself.

I’m using this because; well I don’t really have a good reason.  I just felt like typing it out; maybe putting it all down on a screen might help me a bit.  To be honest I don’t want sympathy; the idea of it makes me feel worse; […]

I feel nothing.  I’m not even drunk.  Yet.  I’m working on remedying that fact.

I’m watching ‘But I’m a Cheerleader” and I love the movie but it makes me sad.  I miss my girlfriend.  Ex-girlfriend.  Whatever.  She’s dead now, what difference does it make?

I am so lonely.  I’ve been lonely since I moved here, but at least before she died I knew I could always call her.  Talk to her.  Have phone sex with her. Heh.  I thought phone sex would be so awkward, but it wasn’t at all.  It was fucking awesome.

5 shots.

I can’t seem to actually care about anything.  Like I said, I feel […]

So I’m 44 I have a good job, I live with someone I love , my family lives in the same town as i do, I talk to my mom on a regular basis , I have friends , so why do i always think of killing myself , I got to this website via another web site , the topic being…. you guessed it suicide , I don’t even know why i’m posting , I guess maybe throwing something down in words may help me figure out why i always consider suicide as an option , I remember […]

This is going to be short, I’m kind of tired. My mom tells me to open my eyes and see how beautiful life is… well… my eyes have been open and I’ve been looking. Actually, I’ve been searching, but the more I see… not the world it self but what I have offered in these 20 years of my exsitance… I’ve made it worse. I don’t deserve to be here and it seems like I find more reasons to call it quits than to actually continue…

I don’t know. I wish I didn’t feel like this. No one should ever “welcome” death… the way I do. it’s […]

It’s okay in the day I’m staying busy
Tied up enough so I don’t have to wonder where is he
Got so sick of crying
So just lately
When I catch myself I do a 180
I stay up clean the house
At least I’m not drinking
Run around just so I don’t have to think about thinking
That silent sense of content
That everyone gets
Just disappears soon as the sun sets

This face in my dreams seizes my guts
He floods me with dread
Soaked in soul
He swims in my eyes by the bed
Pour myself over him
Moon spilling in
And I […]

Ive been living on this earth for 25 years. Of those 25 years, I can say Ive only enjoyed the first 18. When I knew what love was. I lost my mother at 18. My father was never in the picture. Murdered at the age of 20. I loved my mom. God I loved her. After she died I haven’t felt love ever since.

I.cant explain love. No one can. But you know who loves you. and who just deals with you because that’s what family supposed to do. I live […]

I’m completely alone in the world and want to die. I graduated college and was an idiot throughout, so I didn’t get any job offers. I have so many regrets and would give anything to go back to those days and change some things. I now work for my dad and live back in my teenage bedroom. I feel like I had a great opportunity to make something of myself and I blew it all away. And now I have to live out the rest of my life in complete shit. I will never make any money, have any friends, or have a girlfriend. I […]

I am referring to the description of what happens to the human psyche, or “soul” if you will, described in the brilliant essay “Industrial Society and Its Future”.  Do you think that you are suffering the effects of what is described in the “Unibomber Manifesto”?  (I hate to use that label, but that is the only name most have heard of regarding this very insightful writing, better than the majority of garbage I have read in psychology texts.) *crickets*  LOL…the important parts about how modern society harms the human psyche is mostly wrapped up in the first ten pages or so… 😀

Im single, broke, and nothing goes right for me, I just dont see a point in going on anymore

Have spent the last few hours procrastinating and crying. Have done nothing today. Don’t really care.

I don’t think I’ve ever had so many friends. I’ve never felt so alone. I left my husband in the summer, I just didnt love him any more. I pissed it up against the wall like I do everything else. I lost him on purpose.

It always comes back to this, I’m so tired of falling backwards all the time. I don’t want to do it any more. I have no family within a couple of hundred miles. We hardly ever speak. I don’t know when the last time my mum […]

I wasted my entire weekend and now I have way to much homework to do… I really don’t want to go to school and put up with everything. I would fake being sick but my parents have enough to deal with. : ( I can’t handle school this week…

I often wish I would get a life threatening illness and just wouldn’t wake up. I even took up smoking just to increase my chances of lung cancer. Failing that I hope to get into a huge accident, or a situation I wont come out of alive. I am too scared to do anything to myself, I think of all the people I would hurt on my way out of this hell hole and I can’t do it. If there was a medical or accidental reason for death I could be out of here and not bring shame on the family or my friends. They […]

I do not understand how it has gotten to me signing up to this website, but I felt the need to be amongst others in a similar state of mind to myself. I’ve just turned but for at least four years now the feeling of a silent suffocation has seeped it’s way into my life. At one point i belive i was genuinlely depressed.. and i acted on that, in a big way. Only now i am better, it feels as though i am in a state of limbo, a sort of apathy where i still find myself reading night after night about more depression […]

Has anyone here had a near death experience? I’m not talking about where you almost got hit by a car or no shit like that, i mean an actual NDE, where you’re practically dead and then for some reason you start living again.

If you’ve had an NDE, what was it like? and what happened when you ‘died’? like, how did it happen

I am tired of my “What if…” scenarios which go through my head every minute of my life. If not to kill myself (which isn’t as easy as one probably thinks), I often consider running away from my home to a country with warmer climate and becoming homeless there. I hate the pressure on my back during the whole day. I don’t want to study college, have a job or business. I get angry even when playing PC games (because I hate losing), so there’s no pure “comfort escape” for me. If only I could somehow “connect” to the game and be killed there. One […]

So this is my first ever post on this site.

I used to self harm alot, i have scars all over my legs and arms. I love the feeling and every day of my life i think about it. Although, i stopped about a year ago for my mum. I cut a really deep wound and it wasn’t healing, it was infected and i was worried, so i had to tell her. The way she reacted was a surprise to me. Silence.
She was very shocked and just said very little. Even today she can’t bring herself to say that it happened and prefers to pretend […]

The little thought
it grows
a cancer of sorts

Left overwhelmed
the thought still growing
turning into action
leaving me helpless

The choice is mine
but maybe not
it’s the thought
the cancer growing

No room for hope
for a purpose
for love

Left with nothing
just the thought
and the pills

My boyfriend recently told me of a dream he had about us. He said that we were in an unfamiliar car with a black interior, driving down a country highway, laughing and enjoying the ride. It sounded nice and I, being a natural dream analyst, immediately deciphered it as his mind translating to him that our relationship is a journey with an unknown destination and undisclosed factors that we will enjoy together.

or something like that.

Later, I too had a dream about us. Except I saw that he cheated on me and slept with a blonde girl and we broke up and all I felt was […]