Internet,
My story begins Christmas eve of 8th grade, tears and beers, uncovering the lies my cheating, alcoholic father had spewed. Until this catastrophic event I had remained a fairly innocent child, ignorant to the pain of the world. My father never drank which I found strange until the discovery of his demons and fight with booze. But that’s a different story… That night deviated me from the path I rightfully deserved to traverse. It sent me spiraling down a steep hill of anger, self hate, addiction, and confusion. 8th grade was very tough. Fighting depression and neglect (my parents being too involved with their […]

I have no desire whatsoever to give my life story so don’t worry. It seems like most people on this site either want to get help or give it. I don’t want either.

Instead, I want to talk about irony. Does anyone else feel strange that part of their potential (self-inflicted) murder weapon comes in a festive box with smiling kids on it? I have this dark urge to air up a couple colorful balloons and get a cake made so whoever finds me will feel like they’re at a party.

My tank is on the way so now what? Ebay says two […]

From Vancouver on the street, I got married and my husband has a nother lover down stairs in the same building.he wants to put me back on the street so I rather KILL myself but i will lose my cat and my nice apartment just for holly time to die. He’s buttering me up with creidit card and everything Hes talking everyone that he is going to put me back on the streets again so I have no choose I feel so hated in side every day and night I can’t even sleep anymore I am so hurt. It hasn’t even been 2 months seens […]

This is how they do it where i come from!

http://nazret.com/blog/index.php/2011/11/15/ethiopia-s-own-mohamed-bouazizi-ethiopian-man-burns-himself-to-death-in-protest

I don’t really know why I want to kill myself. I get told I have “the perfect life”. Riiight. My brothers bully me consitally. My mom makes me feel like dirt. my dad is hardly ever here, considering he’s always at his job and makes a lot of money.
I have every few friends. In the fifth grade I moved away from my home town. My class had 15 people in it. I was popular. Then I moved here. There’s 150 people in my 8th grade. 30 in my homeroom. In the 6th grade I had absolutely no friends. In the 7th I had 3. […]

I had my forth OD and 3rd suicide attempt this halloween.

On the outside i’m the girl that seem’s to have everything, I have a good academic background, lots of friends, have performed mainstage at Wireless Festival, I go clubbing with friends and dance all night dressed up, I don’t drink or do drugs or smoke, I’m the agony aunt to all my friends and the go-to-girl for fashion advice, beauty and hair advice etc. I have a smile on my face and laugh all the time, the life and soul of the party, the girl who will grow up to be successful, have a family […]

I was almost discovered today. Mommy almost found out her wonderful son wishes he was dead. Haha it’s ridiculous how close it was. I just happened to put away the blades and then I saw the door unlocking (I hate when she does that without asking). Fumbled with my pants to try to cover it up, but they wouldn’t move fast enough so I just sat down in an awkward little position and grabbed a book to cover it. Now my bed has a rather concentrated blood stain on it, but that should be easy enough to explain away with a murderous cat living with […]

For each person that comments on this post, please pick 1 number between 1-49.

Iv been playing the lottery for the last 4yrs, I came close to winning twice… they say money can’t buy happiness? well maybe true, but it sure hell would make life alot better. I have severe social anxiety for the longest time now, I havn’t worked in over 7years… I always dream of winning the lottery. and moving far away from all the ppl that have done me wrong… If you strongly believe in something it will come true, no matter how much is against you! […]

Even animals are given the chance to have a peaceful deaths, like putting to sleep. Why is this not the case when it comes to people who don’t want live anymore? If they continue living, they might be a burden on some people and in some cases, they may try to take it out on others. Isn’t it better for both these people and the society to let them die in an humane way?

i don’t get the point of living. trying. because we’re all going to die SOMEDAY. so i really dont fucking see why we have to go through so much shit just to end up dieing. thats my whole philosophy on life. why try? its not like if you’re all happy all the time, and do ‘good’ during the time your alive, but just end up dead anyways? WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT. because people wont remember what you did nor your names for FOREVER. this is why im not happy. because im going to die. someday. this is why i dont try at school. this […]

when i make it out of highschool i want to major in business . When i grow up i would like to be the founder of a foundation for victims of suicide & families going through loss & teen that are having suicidal thoughts . I want to create a hotline , blogging site & community centers . I believe one day i can make a difference & my voice & story will be told . I want to make my dad & brother proud . Right now iv’e been making videos telling my story & giving a number out to 2 hotline’s .

Crisis Line […]

That’s all I feel like i’m doing by writing this.. Just screaming into an empty void. No one’ll really care, I’ve never bothered to tell anyone about how I feel. All my life I’ve gone by unnoticed by most everyone I’ve met. And most likely if I ever go through with any plans to end my life, there will be no warning, and no “poor me” notes left behind. These urges that rush over me have manifested because of this lifeless existence I live in everyday. I do NOTHING. I sit in my chair, in my basement all alone where I contemplate this sick, fucked […]

I know I want to do it.. but I’m so meticulous that I want it to be just right. I’m ready and all, but it has to be something.. I hate to say special.. but I guess it is. I’ve snapped millions of times and just said “fuck it” and taken bottles of pills or tried drowning myself (obviously didn’t work..), but that’s too.. foolish and hasty.

Lately I’ve been trying to really plan it out; a place and time. I have a pretty good idea of the how.. I don’t think I can actually share it all.. but it involves CO2 (or helium), pills and […]

Seems as though I’m getting back into the writing habit… in a way it feels as though I’m living through my writing. When I write despite how horrible I feel, the chaos and turmoil within me doesn’t seem so chaotic anymore. I can almost breathe a little and think. Lately though, “it” has been getting worse.. I only ever write when I’m.. empty, but not that usual empty.. this is different it’s as if I literally don’t exist, I’m just an ambiguous thing that only feels pain.

I haven’t been going out much.. or hanging out with friends, I don’t really have any urges to see anyone.. I […]

And I mean like always. When Im around people, I mean anyone (friends and family too, though I let my guard down a bit with my family) I have a big smile plastered on my face. It’s ridiculous really, when I talk to my therapist and I’m telling her about my suicidal thoughts, I have a smile on my face. I mean i’ll be telling her about how much I want to stab myself repeatedly with a huge knife and see all the blood oozing out and I’ll have a huge fucking smile on my face. I really don’t get why I do that. And […]

And I’m the Titanic.

Things happen almost dailt to show me that my life needs to come to an end. Stupid me,I actually tried to daydream this weekend about possible making it to Australia this spring,and putting my date off until then(having one more happy time LOL).

Then today,my work life implodes. My BF is pressuring me(basically threatened to leave me) to do this DBT 6 week program,which screws up my work schedule. My sort-of boss(well,not really-Im a homecare RN and shes my pts mom) was encouraging,b/c i used to talk to her about things. Now,shes been giving me a hard time about how Im messing up […]

Hey guys, I haven’t been on this site for a while. To quickly recap, I first joined this website at christmas last year. I had been feling depressed and suicidal from about the summer time of last year. There were some big changes in my life that I didn’t manage well and it got progressively worse until christmas when I was actively considering suicide. I was searching for methods when I came across this site. I tried to kill myself 3 times over christmas last year and the only thing that stopped me was the fact that I met the most amazing guy who happened […]

…is by DHT -Depressed. Hot song! Happy and kind of haunting in a way. The part of the song that gets me is this..

“Oh God please let me go.
Let me leave my misery.
I’m so tired in my head.”
“Can’t keep on living like this,
’cause I have no life you see.
I shall end my own misery.”

I don’t know how to make it better I don’t know how to stop these feelings from always coming back.  Sometime’s it feels like I can banish them to the far regions of my mind but slowly they creep back.  It was always so easy for my parents to believe I was bad that I was acting out and drinking because I was just a screw up.  There was so many time’s I wished I could go to them.  The belief that parents will always be there to love and support you is a farce.  And when they desert you it seems that everyone else […]

I’m seventeen years old and wanting desperately to die. I’ve been depressed and suicidal since I was twelve, and it continually gets worse as the years go by. My depression is now at its peak and I can no longer put up with it. I feel like I’m the saddest, loneliest person in the world. I’m in so much pain. Every little thing reminds me of my ex-boyfriend, whom I broke up with four months ago. I still need to get rid of things, I still need to scratch out the things he wrote on my wall. And no, he’s not the only reason I’m […]