So I havent been able to get online for a while, but a few weeks ago I tried again. The doctor that “saved” me said that it was a miracle I had survived long enough for the EMTs to make it to my appartment. And it was a miracle that I survived the trip to the hospital, and yet another miracle that I didn’t die in the hospital. Apparently I was in such a bad shape that they were too afraid to do anything to risk pushing me over the edge. Instead I got to enjoy the most painful night of my life with some […]

I have felt really worthless and unworthy of life for a really long time. I hear so many horrible stories of child abuse and murders and I just want to stop it all. I thought most people were against these things, but I found out it isn’t true. There are people out there who support these things and it really scares and angers me at the same time. I feel like it’s my job to stop it and I can’t I’m just so powerless and stupid and …what’s the point of me being here if I can’t stop bad things from happening to people. I’ve […]

Im 26,just got out of a 3 year relationship with a guy I thought I loved….I owe $7500 towards a bank loan..accumulated $1500 in interest on top of that…I owe $800 to a local communications company….Plus rent is due in two weeks and im recently unemployed,my wallet was stolen last week and it contained almost 2 months rent inside…..My mom and dad don’t make an effort to talk to me(im the only child) I havent spoken with them in 3 weeks and I miss them so much but they think I only call home when I need money which is far from the truth I feel like there very dissapointed […]

Every since i stopped going to school everyday people think i don’t go because i’m just a “slacker” or i’m to lazy . Most teenagers my age have no idea what ive been through & will never experience the loss & true pain i feel inside . They have no idea how it much it hurts , for me just to have the strength to get out of bed & make it through a day at school is a major accomplishment for me . No one will ever understand what its like to be me & wouldn’t last a day in my shoes , I’ve […]

i cant help but think that maybe death is the only way out , i feel like i’m in a nightmare but can’t seem to wake up . I don’t know what to do with myself anymore , i hate feeling like this lifeless . I just want to be happy i want to be myself again , but all this loss & grief is taking over me its unbearable the pain , heartache , emptiness i just want it all to end . I long for the days i can feel true happiness .

My name is Bree , I’m 16 years old & i have 3 sisters & 4 brothers& iv’e been through things i would have never imagined . On January 11 , 2008 i lost my dad to suicide , i never experienced true pain  til i lost my dad . He was everything to me , i never left his side & i never thought he would leave mine . He was my hero the only one i know that would do anything just to keep a smile on my face , i miss him oh so much . After that the unthinkable happened on […]

I really, really, really want a car to hit me and kill me. I really want a tree to fall on my house and crush me in my sleep. I really want to get mugged in a parking lot and left to die.

Is that weird? I really want that because then my family won’t be wondering if they did something wrong or if I was just a fuck up. But I sometimes want that. Is that weird, too?

Let my thoughts
eat away my brain
my memories
that should be forgotteb
Tomorrow…
i should do the whole
world a huge favor.
I will not say goodbye
Fuck it!
People dont want me here
i dont want to be here
If its worth hurting people
then fine.
It shouldnt matter
what the fuck i do.
Everything i do
is always fucking wrong!
Lets face it!
I aint worth shit
i never curse this much
but my anger
is more like rage.
I will burn in fucking hell
For your sake.
I will lose everyone
i know for my selfish reason.
Like i said
i […]

Ive relized I’m permanently sad. No medicine could fix this pain. Ever so happy to be sad,I am. I fantize this death of mine. The beauty of death has always been hidden. I just wanted to be in that casket. How original death is.I love it. It loves me.My addiction will soon be fed.<3

I took some meds, that I know won’t work as a (Way Out), yet as deeply as I slept they should.

It was nice to wake up, no back pain, totally relaxed.

I just wish they would do the trick, because they were easy to take.

The dictionary states that to be alone is to be separate, apart, or isolated from others. I find this very untrue. Here I sit across the hall from my sister, down the hall from my parents, on the phone with my friend and yet I am still alone. Alone does not mean you are isolated from others physically, it means you are isolated from other mentally. In my mind I have no one to talk to about anything because I am alone. I have no friends and no one that cares. Everyday I walk into school I’m surrounded by hundreds of people and I still feel alone. A very common […]

I’ve had a pretty easy life, but in my head everything is wrong. Day after day the demons in my head just seem to eat at me. Small things that should just make me go “eh,” make me wish I wasn’t here. I feel so helpless all the time. I’m tired of life, Im about to be 24 and all I can think of is that I have a whole life ahead of me, and it just makes me feel worse. I wish I could just disappear.

There are two reasons why i’m still here.

1. I’m scared of hurting myself.

2. I don’t want to hurt my […]

I’m tired of forcing my smiles. And acting as if I really care. Hiding my pain as if it’s a dirty little secret. Feeling like there’s a big weight on my shoulders. Sometimes I wonder if pills really are the anwser… I have enough of them with my diease. Am I the only one who feels this way? Everyone hates me, my conditions getting worse. And all people have to say to that is, ‘It’ll get better’. Dead lie. So all around.. A FAKE Smile A Day, Takes The Pain Away..<3

My life is fucked up, I’m fucked up, and it never stops. Every fucking time i get happy, it ends in tears and death-wishes. I tried not to think like that, to be less negative. But it’s really hard to be positive when life is treating you like crap. I recently got my heart broken, again, and all I do is cry, drink, do stupid things and plan my suicide. I just can’t take all this shit piling up all the time. It ruins every day for me. Things I used to love to to, are now pointless. Nothing gives me real joy, I’m just […]

I think I want to talk about my past a bit. Not like talk to people about it, because im still to scared to do that, but write it down In a place where people could read it. I think I’m kind of hoping that in doing this it’ll be easier for me to come to terms with what’s happened to me and maybe actually tell someone one day.

However I don’t know if I can do that here. Is their like a post limit or anything? It doesn’t seem much like a multi-post website to me.

I mean I would do it on other websites, […]

6 months ago I came to terms that my boyfriend of 9 years was verbally abusive and didn’t really care about my feelings. In july I finally got the courage to confront my mother about SSI money she was getting in my name but lied to me about. Me and my family were kicked out on the streets for a week and the day after we were kicked out I found out I was pregnant with our 3rd child. In Augest, my brother and his wife ( both I was close to) got in a fight with me and instead of working it out they told […]

I write this as I sit alone in a darkened room. Over and over different thoughts come and go as they please inside my head. Ups and downs, sensations that I’ve felt before and some that are new. Alongside them I feel a desperation, a need, a longing. Something to help me break out of this. 

As I think more I question my own sanity, my own existence.

Beside me is the suicide letter I wrote to my little brother when I felt a point in my desperation which I felt I could not recover from. In it I spoke to him, he’s only a little kid […]

Why won’t I just die already? Life is pretty cruel, and I sure as hell make things a lot worse. I’ve tried sitting in my car with it running and a hose, one end in my tail pipe, and the other end through a cracked window. I sat there for about 45 minutes before I fell asleep. Well obviously it did not work. Lately I’ve been drinking again, and swallowing a hand full of serquil. And nothing .

why cant i stop wanting to die?.. i love life at times but other times…. i just cant breath. my chest feel like its going to explode.. i dont know if i can take much more of this. people on here are so nice to me. i dont even know any of you and ur trying to help me. that makes me so happy. but then i get off my computer, put down my sketch pad, and turn off my ipod. then im back in reality where people are horrible and mean!.. i hate when people judge me and lie to me… why is it […]

You feel like your body will just explode!… and you wish and hope and pray that it will.  There’s so much anguish and desperation built up inside you that you just can’t take it any more!  Screaming doesn’t help. Running doesn’t help.  There’s no way to get away from it.  Well… there is one way.  But if you do that, your ‘loved ones’ will say you were a selfish coward.  As long as you keep living with the pain they are happy.  They want you to be this way.  If only they could experience it just once.  Then they would understand.  Why can’t God just […]