With a year and nine months sober, my life is a complete shit show. Ive been on hold with the phone company for two hrs now. this happens to me on a weekly bases.  I live in a basement, and when people walk upstairs it rocks my walls. My rent was recently raised and the cocroaches that are crawling around on the floor makes no sence for that to be hapenig. My car is breaking down and its nearing registration time. I just found out im pregnant and I cant even imagine if i had the child, even if i gave it up for addoption, my physical and mentle state would be severly put […]
Can’t do ANYTHING.
I feel the need to be perfect, because that’s what I’ve been told to be since the age of 6. What type of little girl wants to watch her mother get abused by her own brother, what type of little girl wants to call the cops on her brother; and get him sent to Bar-H? I never wanted him gone, I’ve cried myself to sleep almost every night for the past 5 years. I’ve already mutilated my body, the blade gets deeper each time it contacts my skin. All I wanna feel, is pain. I have no life, no reason for being here.. not even a […]
I just wanted to say that i found this website so long ago and i’ve been trying so hard to be there for everyone im here what i cannot explain enough is that we all feel the same way! We all understand what each other is feeling and going through so instead lets start talking to each other and things like that cause we dont judge and we understand we gotta stay alive because if we all die out then the next person who are they gonna run to when they wanna die but just want someone to talk to its so important we talk […]
Smoking a cigarette and I look back on my life.
I don’t know what to say or what to do, I just know soon I will be dead, my last act.
I have been trying to keep busy, watching movies, putting on a face and acting happy. I don’t want anyone to ever know what I went through. I will just be a memory soon. Im not going to leave any direct messages behind to anyone.
The things in the post keep arriving to aid me in my death, not many pieces left to arrive. I wanted to die a peaceful death, but I guess that may not […]
My final days are fast approaching. I finally am looking forward to something. I made the mistake of saying something to my mom and what do I get back? She tells me I’m a spoiled, selfish brat that wants to hurt everyone I possibly can just because I can’t get what I want. But it’s ok, because I don’t care anymore. I told her that too…. That I don’t care about anything or anyone and it’s not selfish, but I don’t expect her to understand. She says, just tell yourself you are happy and you will be. Riiiiiight. That’ll make nearly 18 years of hating […]
this past year (the 28th year of my life):
i moved to a new city for a job,
became permanently disabled due to a accident,
was crutches for 7 months,
doctors kept ignoring me saying i’m young and will heal,
now never every step, chronic pain stabbing shooting,
then my girlfriend of 4-years broke up with me,
tried to get help from multiple psychotherapists who seemed unable to help me,
started waking up every day wanting to wishing i was dead,
became suicidal and severely depressed for the first time in my life,
started to plan ways to die:
1) jump off a tall building after work, downloaded list of tallest buildings in my area…
2) rent […]
Sometimes, building a life out a lies, held together by the times you’ve fooled everyone else into believing them, and becoming trapped by the very lies you’ve used to protect yourself is just too easy.
To keep myself going, to keep making the people important to me happy, I’ve lied. I lied about how I feel, what I’m doing, what I want to do with my life.
I say I feel fine, that I’m okay.
Lie.
I’m alone at my house, crying, too depressed to think clearly and too heartbroken to keep trying.
I say I’m doing nothing, or just chilling.
Lie.
I’m either cutting my wrists and […]
what deed did i breath?
For what i am to beileve.
I did nothing wrong
but it seems i cant stay strong.
Its been to long
but life is to short.
Can i abort
from what my fate has erupted.
But will it be rude to interrupt
what is play to be disrupt.
I am walking on thin glass
but i will show no class.
I feel like an escapee
that needed to be free.
From Jail
to bail.
I drag my nails
against the rusty rail.
I feel the blood
becoming more like a flood.
As i am empty out
all my doubt.
I am hopeless. What ever I start I fail. In every community (school, university, work) i join i am rejected by peers within a week.
I am not clever, I am not handsome. My family life ceased last week. I had 3 unsuccessful attempts to finish all these up. But as you can guess I have failed.I don’t know why I am here. I am F****** coward, with no means and aspirations.
And I don’t know why i am writing here.
Anyway…
Where am I and where should I go
I asked someone but they didn’t know
I found my way to the pits of hell
And then deeper and deeper I fell
I have no way to be found
And that is why I’m on the ground
I left yawl in tears and now my life is lost
my heart gave up on love because love has a cost
I can’t find some place to stay
But when I get close a part of me pushes away
I have never done anything right
But I continue to still fight
I will never live with this lost life of mine
So I guess I will stay like this until […]
fudge. I wish I wanted to die, do you know what I mean? I wish that I had the true urge to kill myself, to make this body go smoosh. I just want to stop. I’m so tired of it all. I don’t even want to run away somewhere to live out my days in paradise or something. I just want to stop being. Gosh, I wish I was never born. I wish my mother wasn’t a loose college girl that gave it up to the first guy that smiled her way. the hell are wishes anyway? Superstitious bull; it’s all bull.
I realized today that […]
The pain of losing my daughter seems to hang on and on. It’s unbearable at moments and I would give up my life to be with her again. I’ve contemplated taking my life to be with her and that thought occurs to me at moments when the pain is breath taking. When will these moments go away? Will I ever be free of this feeling of living in moments of pain.
I woke up this morning tired. I woke up yesturday tired. Ive been so tired lately its like my meds arent kicking in like they are suppose to. Im tired of taking the medication but I know what will happen if I stop taking them. Some times I think all I have to do is stay off the medication and I wont be so tired. Im tired of taking sh*t from people. Its like they got nothing better to do but to make me more depressed. Im tired of living but know that its to hard to kill myself without something happening and some how […]
I was 12 when my fathr died and 20 when my mum as well, Working in a school I look after my little brother, I love someone and get civil marriage making 6 years from now but we still live separately until religious ceremony, he is a nicve person but never take decision he never care and don’t even mind with anythings. I got in love with a boy who is a cousin of mind I havn’t left my husband waiting to choose the better i don’t retain any private relationship with him or my husband.But the second one makwe my life a hell, He […]
R.I.P Cory
sept 13, like pac.
i ain’t known you for long, but i’ma miss you, still. tell pac i said hi man
R.I.P Cory
I was looking after my cousin (5) and he was really sad (Long story) so he was playing with the blinds(curtains) cords he wrapped it around his neck and tried to hang himself but it failed atrociously and he just fell on to the ground. I asked “Where did you see that?” then he replied (Get ready to be disgusted by us) “I saw you, sissy, bro, mummy, daddy, your mummy, your daddy and Aunty October do it when you were sad”
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…
…
I was over-joyed and a bit disappointed at the same time to know that I wasn’t the only messed up one in the family… I don’t […]
The nights alone scare me. The anxiety mounts by the hour, and all I can think about is hurting myself. I want to be anywhere but here–alone in my apartment with no one to talk to and nothing to do.
The desire to end my life right now is crushing. I don’t know if I’ll make it.
I’m tired of fighting the fight. I’m tired of the no’s. I’m tired of having to stay well everyday. I’m tired of feeling alone.
I’m tired of being told we cant help you. I’m tired of no health insurance. I’m tired of having to pay for my med’s. I’m tired of not
being able to get the proper med’s. I’m tired of people telling me it’s a choice but when in fact it’s a disease. I’m tired of people
judging me. I’m tired of my children’s hurt looks and their own pain. I’m tired of being in pain morning,noon and night. I’m tired
of grieving over my daughter. I’m […]