If someone could give you one secret that could help ease the pain, what would you want to know?

I’ve been struggling with Major Depressive Disorder, anxiety and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder for about 3 years. I was hospitalized two years ago for obsessive thoughts, major depression and anxiety. I had homicidal and suicidal ideations for a long time. I hated school. Hated all those pricks in it. Along with the faculty and the injustice of the school. I researched the history of school shootings, and Columbine interested me the most. I could relate so much to Harris & Klebold. Their thoughts, plans and everything. I got to thinking: “Well I hate school. I hate the injustice of the school, my classmates and everything.” I was […]

I always considered myself a strong person.. I am trying to survive through depression, suicidal thoughts, and being alone. But now, it just feels like its too much. I’m losing grip on what was making me hold on for so long. I don’t think I can do this. I feel so alone. I always looked to God to get me through these times, but now, I feel like he’s abandonned me, or given up hope on me. Or, He thinks I am stronger than I really am, He thinks I can deal with all of these events He’s throwing at me, but I CAN’T. It’s […]

Where do I start? I feel like this is the end of a very long journey.

I’ve never really been what you would call a lucky person. My mother left when I was 5 and I was bullied for it. I broke out in psoriasis because of the stress from losing my mother and I was bullied for it.

I grew up and started to build a glittering career. Then I met a prince of a man. He was wealthy, romantic and thoughtful, only the fairytale ended when the prince turned out to be an abuser. I developed arthritis and he was bothered about being landed with a `cripple’.

I fell pregnant […]

I’m soo confused about so much atm and everything in my life seems to be getting worst or at a stand still.

I feel numb and then the next thing I know I’m crying.

How can I get my anger out and all my emotions, without self harming?

I don’t know what to do.

When I am dead, my dearest,
Sing no sad songs for me;
Plant thou no roses at my head,
Nor shady cypress tree:
Be the green grass above me
With showers and dewdrops wet;
And if thou wilt, remember,
And if thou wilt, forget.

I shall not see the shadows,
I shall not feel the rain;
I shall not hear the nightingale
Sing on, as if in pain;

And dreaming through the twilight
That doth not rise nor set,
Haply I may remember,
And haply may forget.

Christina Rossetti

for many years… lets say half a decade I’ve been alone (on the inside). School obviously became unimportant since the only thing of importance was my desperate search for answers… and those questions were regarding my existence, how life worked… how human societies worked. Sure my research have uncovered many fascinating phenomenons about life itself… but one things remained unchanged all these years. Not only was my desire not welcomed every day every conversation every spoken word that came from my mom’s mouth was in scorn, disappointment, criticism. and just now like 5 minutes ago she made it very clear to me she wanted me […]

I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t deal with my sister’s depression and suicide attempts, I can’t deal with my overprotective parents, I can’t deal with being imprisoned in this house all the time, I can’t deal with all of my dreams being shot down over and over again. I’ve tried so hard to optimistic and strong, but I can’t do it anymore, I’m tired of being strong, I can’t do this by myself. I’ve managed to stay strong for a few months, I’ve just completely broken down tears, I’m at a loss. I can’t stand living here anymore, but I’m on an island […]

I am alone, and want to die. I am sick of this feeling, and everything that goes with it. I am well aware this is all my own doing. I make a bad friend, family member, and an even worse husband. Im a horrable human being. I am not being too hard on myself. Its just time to face facts. Because i cant pretend to be something im not anymore. Its that simple. Ive lost all but 2 of those who are most dear to me, and im probably loseing one of them. And i cant blame. Id walk away from me too. Ive done […]

I feel like it would be better to have not been born. I wish there were an option to just fast forward to death.

So my ex took his life about 3 months ago and I still can’t get over it. I can’t sleep. I have night terrors or dream of him and honestly would just rather be awake it’s less painful. I’m not sure people realize how taking your own life leaves people. I will never be the same person I was before he took his life. I have a sadness that will never leave me. I feel guilt, regret, and sorrow that is unimaginable. I have love and anger towards him. I have so many emotions that I can’t handle. I don’t think this […]

I’ve been replying to people’s posts and I’m getting negative reply’s to my reply’s I’m not gonna do any name calling but there is someone antagonizing me and I thought, wow, even here there are dicks, wow. Thanks guys already want to kill myself thanks for making me feel worse.

everything is so confusing, like one second im fine and the next i want to feel pain, and little stuff sets me off, i feel like my friends dont want me around and i have hard times being around my family. when my mother drinks i become panicie and feel the need to cut. tonight i dont know i just was really upset and i dont see a point to life, you live then die and put up with everything in bettween, i only feel kinda happy like 50% of time if even then i just dont know anymore. im sorry this is really random […]

I just feel so alone. I have literally no friends anymore.. they are all in another state not that I had any to begin with. But I moved away and its REALLY hard meeting people when youre not in school and you work in a 2 person office.. All I have is my dog and my dad and step mom who lets just say have their own lives to deal with. Where do you go when you feel SO alone and like everyone abandoned you? I just dont see any hope in the future, its like its not even worth waking up for because I […]

My entire post was deleted. Was that a sign from god? Who is he? Does he know me?
I’m killing me. and no one cares now that I’m no longer a teen. I wear black jeans and everything is fine. It’s fine cuz I ain’t dead yet. I sure am trying. I don’t care enough to0 stop. 6 binges/purges in one day? Who am I kidding. Somebody would’ve noticed by now if anyone cared. I’m not that fucking great of a liar, am i?
Whatever. whateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhatever it doesn’t matter because I’m not DOING IT AS QUICKLY AS YOU! Just wait until I get back down […]

I was caught up in a mundane task today at work, you know the kind, where you aren’t really thinking about what you are doing and your mind starts to wander? I don’t remember what prompted it, but I suddenly felt the darkness close in around me like I was losing my vision. My heart was pounding in my chest and a chilling hot sweat broke out all over me. I couldn’t continue the task because of the uncontrollable shaking of my hands. I felt the tears and there was nothing I could do to stop them. I work in a fish bowl. Eyes of […]

I really don’t know what to do to help me feel any better, so I made this to share my story. I’ve cut since 6th grade and and was anorexic in 7th and never had anybody there to help me. I was really bad. I have over 60 scars all over my body and you can see all my bones. I can’t trust myself with scissors or anything with a sharp or hard edge. When I feel embarrassed or need to do something I pretend to stab myself in my stomach, or in my neck, bang my head against the wall, or think of death. I’m afraid if I have a knife […]

   

Once there were these evil doctors that decided to fuck with mice because they were bored and speculating about the will to survive and shit. So they took a mouse and stuck it at one end of a plexi glass terrarium, on the other side they placed some food in a petri dish. The mouse ran back and forth in the terrarium, it ate the food; it shit on the floor it played in the food it was all good. Next ze evil doctors put in a plexi glass divider in the middle of the terrarium and separated the mouse from the food dish. It […]

It’s odd. My default mood is, “meh.” The only other things I feel are mild sadness, anger and occasionally happiness. Literally numb to everything. I didn’t cry when I found my cat dead in the garden. I didn’t cry when I found my mother dead in bed. Or at her funeral. Of course I was sad, but I couldn’t feel anything. Honestly, and this sounds stupid, but it upsets me.
When something bad happens I think, “this is really sad” but no emotion comes. All congratulations are completely fake. To even try and celebrate seems fake. I feel less than human. It’s creepy.
I hate […]

Ten to 2 am and I am chilling with bottle of red wine. Thinking deep and trying to make some philosophy solutions for my troubles like being alone or being misunderstood by someone who cannot help me with the right answer on my question. And the question is, “What The **** I can do to make my self comfortable?” I mean i got bed, roof on the top of my head, good people around me, job, money (little bit, but enough for living) and single to be enjoyed by love meaning and all that stuff… But today i am completely depressed. Got no clue whats […]