Shes upset 
Bad day 
Heads for the dresser drawer to 
Drive her pain away 
Nothing good can come of this. 
She opens it theres nothing there 
Its only left over tears 
Mom and dad had no right she screams 
The anger runs down both of her cheeks. 

Then she closed her eyes 
And found relief in a knife 
The blood flows as she cries 

All alone the way she feels 
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief 
Bite the lip just forget the bleeding 

Then she closed her eyes 
And found relief in a knife 
The blood flows as she cries [x2] 

Curled up shes on […]

A couple days ago I found out my mum has cancer. It’s not serious and she’s going to have surgery soon, and then 6 weeks of recovery (either chemo, radiation, or both). I was going to kill myself tomorrow or the day after, but I feel that I need to stay a little longer to help mum get through this. I was feeling… almost at peace that I didn’t have much time left, but now, I’m struggling. I don’t want to go through another 2+ months of this. I’ve made up my mind about doing it and nothing is going to change it. It’s just […]

Im shaking why am i shaking. It maybe cold but its not that cold. Why do i do this. It always happens. The littlest things… i shake. Am i scary? Is there something behind me? Whats going on…

No big deal, right? Cept it’s carved into my thy. I’m 34 years old! Who the fuck has fresh cuts at 34?! And why my own god damned name?! What am I?! I tried to lie n say it was an accident, hoping she didn’t see what it said, but she asked, “then why is it your name?”
All I could say is, “it’s personal; don’t mention it to anyone. We’ll talk about it later.”
Really?! WTF am I supposed to say?

I did it. That thing I havnt done in almost a month. I cut. And I can’t stop.

I believe that love doesn’t exist for me. I’ve never been loved and never will be. Maybe I just don’t want to. I don’t know. Sometimes I wish I did fall in love, and was happy. But that’s a dream for me. I know no one will love me the way I want to be loved and cared for. I will never find a ”soulmate” because my doesn’t even exist. So I don’t want to exist anymore. It’s not worth it anymore. I’ve lived my miserable and horrible life for way too long. Maybe tonight’s the night I will be on my way to a […]

well I have a huge situation now. the 2 people that saw my scars, I told them I was ready to tell my parents, even though I’m totally freaked out about what they’ll say. I can’t go back now, its too late. my dad is expecting a ‘meeting’ with all of us, that’s when I have to tell about my arm(no one knows about my scars except the 2 people).

I made a huge mistake. I have realized that I don’t want anyone to know about my scars. my parents will stop me from cutting. I will never be able to cut again. But now I […]

Everyday I struggle with wanting to cut myself and just bleed out. I used to cut and I wore wristbands to hide it. I feel worthless. I only have a couple friends and I want to be different. I want people to like me, but I want to be myself while doing. I don’t want to feel this way. It’s actually hurting my health. Instead of cutting, now I just binge eat. It’s gotten to the point where I know there is something wrong but I just can’t stop. I cry just because I’m so depressed. Why can’t I be better? Why can’t I stop […]

Now its over. This is the end. Everything that you have done to me has led to this. My wrist now bears a vertical cut along the vein from which there is no coming back from. A bloodied knife lays on the floor. Blood gushes from my wound. My vision gets blurry. I write on the wall with my blood the word, WHY? The only note I leave is to whoever finds my body. I tell them to let Her know what I did and that I will always love her. Time is running out. The moment that I have longed for is near. I […]

Battered. Annihilated. Shattered. Fragmented. Cracked. Crushed. Fractured. Call it what you want. But I’m broken. Casualty. Fatality. Innocent. Martyr. Call it what you want. But I’m a victim. I know what it feels to be alone. To stare at your blade. Music blaring. Trying to escape reality. Writing fuck up deeper and deeper into your skin. Not caring that it’s said to be a sin. Watching your blood. Biting your lip. Too ignore the pain. I know what it feels like to be up at night clenching your stomach cause your crying and just wish you could scream. Crying cause there’s no one there. No […]

I can’ t take it anymore everything is falling apart around me i don’t want to live anymore.  i hate myself so much, i cut  but it brings no relief   it would be better for everyone if  i wasn’t here.  i’ve told the doctors how bad i feel but i don’t think they listen or care they just increased the medication i told them was making me feel so much worse.  What am i going to do is life really worth all this pain?

You can think of you’re own title for this. This is something is wrote when I was in a bad place. Still not really out of it but maybe there’s hope now.

verse 1:

“this is a life,

but nobody cares

everbody running round like their all scared

everone is trying to be somebody

butt I’ll tell what this life feels like to me

everyday an other but they’re all seem the same,

every year is different but they all look a like

everbody talking me in to this shame

I can not choose between death or life.

because  I …”

chorus:

“… got no hopes,

got no dreams,

got no fears, got no believes

don’t remeber me when I’m gone, just forget and carry on

I know […]

I’ve been datin this girl since 6 yrs v had a fallout a few months back because of this other guy but somehow i prayed n wished a lot tat she comes back to me n the other guy had patched up wid his old girlfriend n i’m still not sure if tats the reason my girl got back wid me tat time.. but she did n i was more thn happy to take her back i kno i cudn’t be a bigger moron.. But i believed in her u see v have practically grown up together v’r best friends n v had decide to […]

I think it was February ? I know it was close after the Valentine’s Dance at school that it all went down like it did.

My boyfriend had accused me of cheating. I was trying to take my best friend at the time (who was a guy) to the dance instead of him, because my friend was alone.

So he accused me of cheating. He threatened me. So I turned and walked off. But once again, I was alone, by myself. I was wandering amoungst the people, swaying side to side and “Gettin’ down wif it” to each song, attempting to avoid him, hoping he would avoid […]

last nite i couldn’t sleep,things about my past just got into my head and i couldn’t get em out.

when i was young i was raped. it took about 6 years just for the courts to deside how long he should b put away. in a fuked up way im glad i went to the police if it wasn’t for me then a lot of women would’ve kept the fact that he raped them as well hidden. at the end they came to me and said that they were envious of me and they never could’ve stepped forward if it wasn’t for me.

but the memory of […]

i am writing this while so deep in depression i feel there is no way out…so very hopeless…i can’t leave this world although i want to..i have 3 kids at home 17,14 & 11 my oldest moved out with his fiance & my 1st grandchild & in Nov. there will be another baby…2 grandbabies & i am only 35! I am married & i love my husband, but i hate my life!!  I have no insurance so i can’t even begin to get help, i’m a stay at home mom because i can’t seem to function in the “real world” so no money…as i said […]

I knew that god is never fair but I didn’t expect that it can be unfair to such a great extent. It can grant a person happiness and send someone to hell. My life is a disaster to start with, from the day I was born, I was fated to lead a terrible life. I was born with physical disability, my left ear was deaf. But I didn’t placed that in my heart, I still have my right ear. Yet god didn’t let me off, it granted me a terrible childhood’s experience, this experience made me feels that I am a shameless girl and I […]

I want to thank you for all your prayers and support. It really means a lot to me!

I have been studying option two of doing “it” in a closet in case the flow fittings(wich are very expensive, and will take to test)dont fit. Everything seems to be ok, except the closet door, wich opens with the slightest pressure attached to it. I could call the janitor about it, but he would ofcourse ask  why i want the closet door locked(it has a keyhole, but no key)

There is a small ventilation hole, but plugging it wont really be a problem. The biggest problem is how to […]

Understand that I’m going to be taking off comments and allow none from now on. I’m tired of people talking trash. Enjoy

I hate myself
i hate myself
i hate myself.
I feel hot tears
falling from my eyes.
I dont even know why i was crying
it just suddenly fall.
I cant controll myself.
I have someone who loves me
but it hurts for some reason
everything is fine no fighting no nothing.
But why am i hurt
I hate my life
I get frighten over the littlest things
i shake
and i feel like breaking down.
No one understands me
no one knows what im going through
they think im fine but obviously im not
im not im not im not
why can’t i swallow […]