i discovered this site all of 5 mintues ago, and i signed up. Im not sure why. Out of impulse, out of need, or maybe out of sheer desperation. this thing’s called the ‘suicide project’ . does that mean that someone’s actually trying to help us? someone actually cares / hmm. i bet they too are lying. Becasue no body cares. the word it’self is overrated. it’s safe to say i’ve forgotten the meaning of the word care. you may wonder why, or maybe, jsut maybe like everyone else, you dont care, therefor you dont wonder. however, im doing this for me, so i’ll say […]

I feel like a worthless piece of shit. I just want to write something where I know I’m not the only one so I just looked for a random website I can post something and I found this.

I just took 6 Pizotifen tablets hoping I would die but nothing happened, sadly. But hopefully maybe the side effects will kill me later or maybe I just need to take some more. I’ve tried to kill myself 5 times now and failed. First time I tried hanging myself but there was nothing to hang myself off, second time I tried cutting down to my veins in […]

choke choke uhm gently lifted 4 am style ..i’ll sleep when i’m dead..

Poem not that good but

yeah. I posted “fuck it” dec. 15th… guess it was my many shitty outcry attempts, but idk. So i watch the days pass, wanting it all to end but not sure what the fuck i want to really do… i’m a college student, and one who has the world in his hands. i’m at the point where the sky literally, and any other way you can take it, is the limit. but i see less and less of a point. “WHY?” blares in my head (not literally) daily when i see myself in the future… i believe in God, although i have fallen pretty far […]

I have goals, I have people, I’m about to graduate from college with good grades and then I’ll launch off into a career that could be rewarding.  But I don’t do these things except for some vague idea of the future and in order to survive. I don’t cry often, I don’t despair.  I’m apathetic toward nearly everything and I don’t think I can ever be happy because people out there don’t enjoy me or relate to me at all.  They don’t share any of my interests, they’re never really looking forward to seeing me.  They won’t come out of nowhere to say “hello” and […]

Hello. So, this is my 1st post here, but I’ve been lurking. You can skip down to the bottom, but, I just wrote a little bit of how I feel (with a mix of religion). It’s a kind of story, because I like writing them.

The music wasn’t meant to give peaceful ending; each beat from the song repetitively pounded against the walls of the house, but accompanying the music was the drumming of the bath’s faucet water against the surface of water held within the tub, and it created the perfect combination of noise and melody. With the close of the door, the music became […]

Bleh. I feel so emo about posting on here but I’m bored. Sooo… exit bag has been my preferred method but man, I’ve been going about it all wrong! And I had no idea of the failure rate so that sucks. Maybe I’ll get the guts to jump off a building or train or something but I don’t think I’m quite there. I’d love some useful exit bag tips but I’m sure those of you that have succeeded aren’t going to be posting on here. Well, real quickly vent fest to make this a truly emo experience- fuck it, […]

cliche story of a failed athlete who got hurt one too many times and now feels hopeless. i  internalize everything. i feel sad all the time, if not sad than angry. worse yet i work all the time and keep up a front like everything is fine. i feel like crying inside. i don’t think i deserve this. im a good person. i work hard. im a special ed teacher and try my absolute hardest to help people with disabilities. Ive lost my faith, become very reclusive. and im pessimistic about everything. i thought about killing myself with a gun. dont want the mess. don’t […]

i still haven’t gotten over what she did, and i don’t even know what to do. about 45 minutes ago i had a total breakdown. not a depressive one, i can’t describe the emotion, it was like an EXTREME adrenaline rush, i felt EXTREMELY euphoric but in the back of my head was the lingering depression that has been around with me for about 7 months. i CANNOT take this anymore and i DO NOT want to take the medication (risperdal) because it just makes me an emotionless, bored zombie…

i just want to fucking kill myself…

i dont know whats wrong with me.

im a 17 year old girl. actually i never thought or planned on living this long. i never wanted to see a day past 16.

 ive never really had anything traumatic happen in my life. well my father abused me until around 4yrs, but my mother finally left him.

that may be one problem. i constantly need male attention. i never had a real solid dad. only sketchy stepdads. and now i find whenever i have a guys attention, i hold on to it. and i feed off of every second of it. i love feeling wanted and almost needed. i think […]

never knows best

i hate my life, it seems from the moment i was born everything’s just gone wrong for me. i have no friends, never had a girlfriend and don’t get along with my family very well. the reason for all of this is because i have some sort of social phobia that makes me scared to be around other people and because of this people tend to think i’m weird (or in some cases retarded) and they just don’t wanna be around me either. i’ve been trying to get help with this for years but unfortunately no doctor can tell me what the exact nature of the […]

Really, overdosing is a horrible way to hurt yourself or kill yourself, who in their last moments wants to taste pills? Although, I made a new record of oding twice in one week, mind you…Cipralex sucks.

yeah i’m troubled but i get by somehow..i find that writing thoughts down in some kinda poem form really takes my pains away..i suggest you try it..our minds are beautiful..i poured my mind body and soul into this city and it sucked my bones clean..worn through i still manage to rear my ugly head each fuckin day..wtf..i find my meds realy help too i take saphris 10mg 2x and klonopin 2mg..it lifts so much weight off my shoulders.peace to all your weary souls . stay up

Just something i wrote during class today,after being yelled at for being a distraction. Just thought id share it with all of you.

im hurtling through life now
full of frendized energy
laughing, dancing, singing and
jittery; my leg wont stop moving.
creative and foucused.
my ambitions are too large.
i love the world, and for once it loves me back.
yet its so wierd to be up high
staring down at those below
having no idea you were insulting
crude or
mean, till someone tells
you so.
then i fall through my cloud of
love and brightness.
and smash into
the rocky spines of
sadness […]

If you could want to help, then say a lot of shit to me…
Maybe, i can leave this life with more pain…

but who care?
you could be one that says something good or something to save me…
this points no one accept me even i got right or wrong choices

i really tired for making people understanting my sitation.
i have no real friend (include mother and father), that i can talk directly. and there isn’t someone turk in this website.

I’m interested and want continue to talk with you,
since I’ve noticed that you don’t feel like typing up your email address again,
so here is mine: nikiwonoto@gmail.com (you can also add me on Facebook, same email).

Just email and say hi i’m fireflies or something like that, and I will start writing to you.
Thank you.

It’s getting too difficult.

It’s getting harder and harder to hide the scar.

It’s big and pink and purple and is just trying to get noticed.

But if someone sees it, then everyone will know.

All the secrets that the scar holds will be released, out on the open.

Then the gossip will start.

I may have survived suicide, but the gossip will cut deeper than the scars.

It will cut me apart.

I want to kill myself but I don’t have the guts. Or maybe the fact that I’m going away to college in the Summer is forcing me to keep on living. My parents are killing me. I’m anorexic and every single therapist I’ve had has come down to believe that my parents pushed me into this. Not intentionally.

I’m not allowed to cry or get angry, or shout or express frustration. Which means I keep it all pent up inside and I never let it out. The only way I can express my emotions is by starving or cutting. But I can’t live like this forever […]