Well, I finally decided against tolerating my lifelong depression and anxiety any further.  A lifetime of social rejections and being an outcast is just too much to bear as someone who just wanted a normal life.  I decided to depart using the Helium method.  I feel I’m too much of a ***** to depart using any other method because of the potential lifelong disabilities one could suffer from failure.  I got a huge tank of helium, as well as an oxygen mask.  The first two times I tried doing this, I chickened out, as was to be expected.  I don’t want to die, but I […]

This is going to be pretty long but please read.

To give you a little background, Im in my early 20’s. ive never done drugs or had any alcohol. ( I have family members who have been addicted to drugs and alcohol and I didnt want to end up like them) In March 2010, I was hospitalized due to being in horrible unbearable pain. I was put in the Progressive Care unit and had a Picc line inserted. No Dr was sure what was wrong with me. The finally decided it was my pancreas. This scared me to death because Pancreatic Cancer runs in my family. […]

I finally found a recipe for how to kill myself. I did a Google search for [what I had on hand] + suicide. Found an article about a doctor who killed himself using that method. Googled that doctor’s name and found the exact proportions of what he did.

Now to figure out what to do with it. My husband is much like a child, so I’m not sure I can handle the guilt of “orphaning” him (his parents won’t take him back in I’m sure). But I lose my job on 12/31, so if I do kill myself I want it to be in my […]

NORTH. [god is a corpse you can talk to with roses]. I hate it [youre there arent you]. I wake up each day in tears[sometimes bleeding]. I always have. Instead of eating i cut. I am the poster girl for cocaine abuse. Maybe Im already dead. I feel like it. I cant honestly be here. Can i. It hurts so much. dont believe in depression[or a god or deity]. dont want to. didnt feel like it so I never [fucking] tried. [girl] didnt eat cause girl was afraid. Never liked music cause music is false. wanted to die since thirteen. didnt throw up Im always […]

the punch is shit. I dont wanna be at this party any more. I want my old friends [these boys and girls are slaves][ifeel like throwing up]. I want to collapse and wake up in hospital. At least one of these people will drive me there, right. If i die in public, its murder. The police will say it was drug related, and place blame. That I was a normal happy party girl, sucking cock on MDMA. [which was my fairly broken way of showing affection]. I like it when my pupils dilate. at four in the morning . The nurse shines a light in […]

Well, guess I’m back.  I posed here back in May, and I guess I’m posting again.  I’m not really sure why I’m here or posting. I guess I’m thinking about much of the same things a lot of others are.

As for me, well, I’m just weak and weary from life. It’s just that simple. I’ve been depressed so long I don’t know what it’s like to not be depressed. 

I’m really at the point where I think killing myself is more like euthenasia. Rational suicide perhaps…

I’m an older guy, mid 40’s. Nothing’s really worked out all that well for me, despite my efforts. Not married, no […]

Yeh pretty much the whole world has fucked up since you left.

My own mother hates me[find me].

I am black silk cigarette smoke. tarnished sticky suicide addict. I refuse to move. I cant breath. I cant understand these people. and lets face it why would I. I havent washed in ten days. My hair is greasy. I’m unemployed. I cut it off some weeks ago, so its not like, getting in my tired face or anything. I sleep all day.  [pretend to be dead girl cause the woman inside is dying to leave]. In New York the temperature is three degrees below zero. Maybe i tried […]

I’m not even sure why I’m bothering to post this, because my problems are probably nothing compared to other people’s.

I wouldn’t say I’ve had a bad life. Things were okay at home…Sure, my parents annoyed me sometimes, but that’s normal, and I did always feel like my brother was the favourite sibling, but I could deal with that. Things were okay at school too. I got straight As, and although I was shy and didn’t have that many friends, the ones I had were enough for me.

I don’t know when things started to change…I slipped into depression gradually, and it took me a while to notice just […]

Everyone loves Christmas don’t they??

Not exactly.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I honestly love Christmas, as the song even says “It’s the most wonderful time of the year”. I agree with that, it is the most wonderful time of the year, but it is also the loneliest.

When I was fifteen I had a boyfriend (I’ve mentioned him before, his name is Steven) and we were together for five months and the last month we were together for was December. I can recall it perfectly, the last time I looked into his iridescent blue eyes. I remember how much it hurt me to leave him, and […]

suicide is an answer. to a lot of questions and problems. i dont pretend to know yours just like you dont know mine. but all of these problems that we face are chaotic at best. people die everyday because of problems to big to over come. what makes us special? nothing. were lucky. a genetic lottery wound us up on the other side of this magic screen run off of a coded stream of energy. im sitting in comfort, are you. it doesnt matter that we were given these things or if we took em. we are living in a world with no blatant goal in mind, […]

reliving the nightmare. a poem by mwah.

he sits there patiently
as i scream
he smiles
as i yell
he grins
when i struggle

I gave in.
I gave in.

he forces me down
when i start to cry
he tells me:
shut up someone might hear.
i push and yell
he punches me

I give in.
I give in.

he pulls out
i scamper and cry
if you tell anyone you’ll die
so i shall slice my wrist
let the blood flow
he promised this
he keeps his promises.

AN: yeah my nightmare i normally have. why else would i not want to sleep? yeah he does keep his […]

Im 14 and im doing this monologue for my theater class and its about this girl who talks about her life and howshe has tried to kill her self many many times. I picked this story because i relate to it so much. I have tried to kill m self at least 4 times. All those time were with pills. Although i didnt succeed in doing so i was happy because i knew that if i had succeeded then i would have puch my mother and father over the top and they would have shut down. I couldnt do that to my brothers or sister. […]

“Each day as people make new choices we create the possible futures, so nothing right now is fixed.”

“‘Nothing we can do can change the past, but everything we do changes the future.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” – Maria Robinson

“Those who have changed the universe have never done it by changing officials, but always by inspiring the people”
– Napoleon Boneparte

“It is not what we get, but what we contribute… that gives meaning to our lives.” – Tony Robbins

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed […]

My life.. Why does every shit happen to me? What have I ever done?  Everyday of my life, before I go to sleep, I always think about dying.. I always ask myself why was I even born.. Why do I have to go through everything? School and people around me, they see me as something I’m not.. I smile a lot but every smile burns me on the inside.. Everything hurts.. Why do I only have people who use me? People who doesn’t care about me? I don’t have anyone.. No friends.. My parents are divorced, my mom makes me feel like I’m just an […]

…because of one teacher. My Finnish teacher. (I am a Finn so it’s not a subject I can quit, and we have a lot of courses of Finnish.) I want to cut deep, deep cuts and were a short sleeved shirt so she can see that it is real. I want to kill myself in a rough way so she knew that it was real.

And she could think herself every night all the times she bursted to laugh at me in front of the class. So she could think all the times she denyed my opinions. She could think all the times she blamed me of cutting school […]

I can’t seem to shake any of them. Participation is severely lacking for me, a serious deficiency. I wish someone would just lay me out of my misery….

ever since I was 11, i’ve hated myself. I was the last in everything, the ugly duckling. when I got skinnier and prettier and grew up in high-school, I was never happy. I always got the crappy friends who used me or just wanted to make fun of me. I learned about cutting first, it was my drug against suicide at the time. arms, legs, fingers, feet, if I could hide it I cut it. I never liked my body. I thought no-one else did either. then suddenly cutting wasn’t enough. the depression came and left, like an ongoing tidal wave that never stopped it’s […]

I am new to posting on this site, after reading many posts for a while now.
Short summary of the reason I am here:
I have suffered from depression for a long time now…I didn’t hurt myself for about 6 years but then I realized that for almost 5 of those years…I was holding onto something that I never truly had. A one sided friendship..that meant more to me than anything else. I realized that I am not good enough for him..that I deserve to be treated the way that he treats me.
I have nothing left to loose..no one knows me…not really. They […]

scared to death this world is to hurtful cant stand being alone i write in a journal that has all my suicidal moments in it i think someone read and and am so freaked out i dont wanna see a doc or a therapist. i hate pills! is there anyone there i can talk to? its seems like the only way sometimes and i really want my mom to suffer somtimes but jeez its almost cristmas!! i cant take it someone please help me

So I binged at work today, typical. And stole a bunch of stuff. I regret it because tomorrow is our last day of school before the holidays. I decided tomorrow I will wear a necklace that is a joke to me and my friends, and make him kiss it. This will be funny because I gave a guy head wearing that necklace and it bounced everywhere all over his dick and balls haha.
I will wear something sexy that shows that im beautiful and wear lots of pretty makeup, also i will straiten my hair. I will make him want me, and make him […]