My scars

Crying and bleeding,
every day.
It doesen’t feel good,
it doesen’t feel right.
But still i’m doing it.

There isn’t much blood left,
there aren’t many tears left.

This is my final cut, then i’ll stop.
I open a long line throug my arm,
i feel my pulse is weakening.

There isn’t any blood left.

I’m not gonna cry anymore,
cause there aren’t any tears left.

Last October, after 10 years of being together and 3 kids, My wife and I split. We were and remain pretty toxic towards eachother. I was her enabler, and she was my reason to limit myself.
Let me clarify:
As a husband, I believe it is important to take into consideration the path which your decisions will take your family. With a partner I think one should make those decisions together.
After 9/11 I went to enlist. The reaction I got from my newly-wedded spouse was, “I don’t want to be a military wife. I know there re benefits, but I don’t want to be […]

If i fall from a window of  a building, from the eighth floor?

A 20 meters fall kills?

I suppose that 8 floors have at least 20 meters.

I’m just asking to be sure, cause i already know that there is no way to survive a fall like this..

Suicidal ideation is my security blanket.  It’s always there for me, to comfort me, when I have no one else.

I am supposed to be strong for my kids, for my mother, for my job.  No one respects the weak and unbalanced.  I am a show, a puppet.  I go through this life looking for happiness yet never finding it, then pretending I’m fine, when I am not.

If I disappeared off the face of the earth, it wouldn’t matter.  My kids would grieve and miss me, I know.  My mother might even be upset.  Otherwise, I’ve made no mark in this world so that my non-existence […]

I was rear ended in a car accident, I now have slowed blood flow to the brain, nerve damage, messed up vertebrates, bulging disks, edema, and have suffered a mild ishemic stroke with a very loud high pitched sound in my ears 7 days a week. No doctor will see me. I don’t have insurance and my unemployment is going to run out and no one will hire me with this damage. It’s a matter of time before my slowed blood flow to the brain becomes no blood flow. I’m slender and in shape at 55 except for my neck and brain. If I can’t […]

It all started when i moved back to my old country, i got a new school, and i started at 4th grade. At the 4th grade i got bullied with for being a “nice boy”.. I was good at school. At 5th grade i got tired of being bullied with. So i started to talk shit to the teachers, and i started to fight with classmates for almost no reason. So i earned some respect by being a “bad kid”. I did allot of stuff at the school, so i was at the prinsipal almost every day. At the 6th grade i needed to be checked if i had ADD […]

What my father did and how I fear following him.

I’ve suffered from depression ever since I can remember… but on march 19th this year I forgot about everything that had ever gone wrong in my life, I forgot about everything that I had ever thought hurt…

We met when I was in year 7, by the end of that first year we were inseparable… you never heard one of our names without the other. He was the person who I shared all my firsts with… he really was just everything. we were dating by the end of year 8, our inseparable friendship had now turned in to a love that words could never comprehend.. all […]

If you relate with my philosophy in any way, I’m always open to networking with like-minds. You may add me on www.facebook.com/theycallmemanhattan

You know, I’ve come a long way with my current therapist. I’ve had so many of them but not once, except with this one, have I ever been fully understood. I think that my problems are very different from others’ so it may have been that that made it difficult to “connect” with previous therapists. Fundamentally, my problems are probably the same as anyone elses. I yearn for companionship; platonic or otherwise. I yearn for acceptance, gratification, fulfillment, a purpose, to be happy, […]

As the quote above states, I don’t really quite know if I’m getting better or getting used to the pain.  I’m a junior in high school, won’t be seventeen for another month, and I’ve been cutting since seventh grade..  Is that bad?  Is that good?  All my friends do it, but I’ve been doing it much longer than them.  I have more reasons to do it than they do, from what I know.  But hey, who the hell am I to judge?

I feel so completely lost now..  My boyfriend, of four and a half months, made me throw away every single utensil I used to […]

I have a bottle of gin plus several sleeping pills (Zopiclone) that I’ve been saving. There’s probably over 100mg of the sleeping pills. I’m pretty sure it’s all enough to be fatal.

My first suicide attempt was in 2001 I tried over dose didnt work. I was sent to the hospital because when I was at school they found out about my pills. Ive been bullied through my high school years and lost a lot of friends , but now I dont go to that school anymore and this year 2010 i lost my best friend she doesnt wanna talk to me anymore for no reason . She was big part of my life . We dont talk to eachother anymore. I feel no one wants to be around me, including my family , I feel isolated […]

One of my friends is a suicide survivor (whoo!!) and they just started a blog.. I think it would be really awesome if some people read and commented on it! If you could that would really really be amazing! Thank you so much! The website is http://burnedink.blogspot.com/ THANK YOU!

                  Seems like ive put everything in one person. I cant seem to let go of my boyfriend. Weve talked about a future together and weve done so much together. I dont know what has gotten into him now. He would help me wiht this depression that i have because he was the one that caused it. But now he acts like he doesnt care or love me anymore. He used to act like that when i met him. He used to hurt me so much, but the problem was i loved him so fast that i just couldnt do anything but try to change […]

谢谢您们的关心！
您们的支持，已给了我很大的力量。
我会努力走过这段路。

The Two Roads

It was New Year’s Night. An aged man was standing at a window. He raised his mournful eyes towards the deep blue sky, where the stars were floating like white lilies on the surface of a clear calm lake. Then he cast them on the earth, where few more hopeless people than himself now moved towards their certain goal——the tomb. He had already passed sixty of the stages leading to it, and he had brought from his journey nothing but errors and remorse. Now his health was poor, his mind vacant, his heart sorrowful, and his old age short of comforts.
The […]

Hi my name is Dan,

I think everyone have some kind of depression meaning that i think i do too. I m here cause I do have thoughts of letting life go but its cause its hard but i dont too. More important my girlfriend is really different from me. Though I never ask if she is depress or so but I think she is. I don’t know what to do sometimes its like i have to wait what she does first. I really love her and want to help her all the time but then i know there will be times i cant be there.When […]

I’m sorry. This is my third post in only a few days. But I can’t stop thinking about death. I know that every last person that has made contact with me will die, me included. The thought of losing everyone I know just brings me down. And aside from that, my brother keeps insisting he’s only joking around with me when I plainly have bruises from our “play fights”. He started choking me! And to make things worse, he’s decided that he likes to hit on every last one of my friends. A while ago, I had friends but they weren’t real. And he hit […]

Hello everyone….My name is D and I have been browsing this site for a while now. There are so many interesting stories here that cover every inch of life and I have finally decided to share my own story. I have attempted suicide 4 times in the past all by overdosing on medication. I have been in and out of behavioral clinics and I have talked to therapists and psychologists and nothing has helped me. I still think about killing myself every day no matter what is going on, whether I’m smiling or frowning suicide is the first thing I think of when I get up in the morning […]

Its all over my desktop, but the words are encrypted.
my macbook knows, it took me so long to get it, to earn it. i am so glad we’re friends.
it listens, and has no perception. no miscommunication, no thoughts, no judgement on the matter.

You’ll never find out how i actually feel.

I’ve been reading this page for a long, long time. I generally never register for any of these sites, as per keeping my privacy…but the truth is this little dark blue page on the internet is my only salvation.
i searched for it for years.
i found it here.

i dream of ways to escape, […]