The only reason that I’m still alive and able to write this is because I’m not ready to inflict such upset and pain on my loved ones.
Over the years I have seen too many relatives and close friends suffer lengthy, painful and undignified deaths. Following the death of my mother several years ago I determined that it would not be like this for me and made plans for my own suicide, I have chosen the place and method, aquired the means, just the time remains to be decided. This was to be when either I was no longer able to live with dignity or […]

The 1st time I contemplated suicide was when I was 9yo ( sitting in a room with at least half a dozen rifles within reach), I am now 34. I don’t really want to die, & I figure that, deep down 99% of the rest of you don’t either. We just want life to be nicer, & not to be walked all over by the people who don’t get it & who seem to breeze through life without letting anything get to them.
My whole life Ive felt that there is something very wrong with the world, & as I get older, I think I’m […]

It’s hard talking to people about my feelings, people I know, and I act happy and nice in front of everyone when really I’m not. I’m fat, mean, gross, rude, repulsive, disgusting,  greasy, and people hate me because of this. My body looks gross and disgusting it makes me want to puke everytime I see it and I hate seeing all these beautiful people at school and then comparing them to me, it makes me hate myself so much more. Seeing all these skinny, pretty girls and seeing this fat, ugly thing walk by them it’s disgusting. I have no good qualities and I’m pretty much worthless to […]

My Grandma and I were really close she and my Grandpa lived in our basement and everyday I would go down and hang out with her then she had to move to a home, because of her parkingsons, and I didn’t see herr as often and it was hard seeing her there, unable to move, eat, or talk. A year later she died and it was the hardest thing I have ever gone through she was my best friend and now I will never see her again and I hurt all the time everywhere and it never stops it’s been about a year now and […]

I cut myself all the time every where, I hate my body it’s so ugly and fat and disgusting, I want it all to stop! my family doesn’t understand and I feel lost and alone all the time I try to kill myself everyday and it never works, I don’t want to be here and I want all of this to end but I don’t have enough courage to do it myself. I abuse and torment my body and I can’t seem to stop. My body is filled with scars and I can’t hide them even if I do it doesn’t mean they’re not there […]

I don’t know what to do anymore. Here’s why:

1: I’m a SI (self-injurer) and I just cannot seem to stop. No matter how hard I try. I have scars everywhere. I feel like a freak. I try to hide the scars, but everyone in school keeps asking me if I’m EMO. I hate it!!!

2: I have Anorexia Nevosa. I hate it!!! I just want to be beautiful. But when I look in the mirror……..all I see is this fat, ugly, horrible person. It never goes away!!! I never seem to sleep, even though I know I do. My aunt makes me eat. She’s been so […]

This all really started 9/30/09 when my boyfriend commited suicide wich makes 2people in my live dead my brother and boyfriend. I have always been depressed since my brother but after my boyfriend was gone that hit the button and i took amidate action i started cutting my self and i recently last wednesday tried to overdose on sleeping pills but i ended up in the hospitall. i have a new boyfriend and he has depression problems as i do and we both are trying to stay strong but it is hard though being at home where no one likes me and then even being outside […]

Apathy, depression, rage, insanity, the split of your personality, the controll you know you lost long ago, the hours of sleep lost, opression, introversion. How can something be all of this, possess all of these emotions, without physically being able to be indentified as any of them. The darkness that infects people can never really be diagnosed, cured, or found. If it lives in you, you’re the only one that knows that it’s there. And you’ll know. Every person on this website thinks that they have it garunteed. About 3% of them do most likely. How many people can honestly say, that they’re being driven […]

I’m wholly unremarkable. Not painfully introverted but not an extrovert, either. Not child-frighteningly hideous, but far from gorgeous. I’m not the best at anything, nor the worst at anything. I am, when taken at face value, the epitome of mediocrity. I don’t turn heads. I won’t turn the pages of history. I’m just so completely and utterly…blah.

My moods are unstable, my health is unstable, any relationships I have had were unstable. I’m not strong, fortified…I’m weak.

I am a pretender: Even if I wore the lie right on my face, you couldn’t see through it.

I am a chameleon: I will adapt and blend in with anything […]

…and no one cares. it seems everything i do in my life anymore falls apart. if only one person in my life can come and say I care and can i help would make a difference. no on does anymore it seems in short supply. what is going on with people? reminds me of that verse in the bible “and the love of many will grow cold” i think revelation is happening. thing is lately ive realised I dont want to live on the planet anymore…not that I dont want to live I just dont like it here and dont like the people anymore. its […]

I’m still waiting for something to happen. Not something special that could finally brings me to the end of this pain. Everything is fine, everything makes me feel this is the very end.

I don’t know if I’m the weird one. I want some help but at the same time I isolated myself avoiding others, even my friends, with some silly escuses. Hardly I recognize myself when I look into the mirror.

I started to hate being surrounded by people when found everybody in my life betraying me. Was really my fault? My parents, my friend, my boyfriend. I can’t go out without feelin’ uneasy, sickened. Maybe […]

Parents yelling at you

Boyfriend cheating and doing drugs

Sisters pissed at you

Friends ignoring you for guys

Whats the point of living?

Find something, anything sharp

Slowy drag across your wrist

Than faster and faster

It hurts, but i wont stop

I hope this hurts you to mom,dad,lizzie,lexie,mackenzie,abby,nico

But it doesnt…

I do it again and again  hoping they realize what there doing to me

They dont again and again

 One day i hope to kill myself

well i jus got home and made my mom burst into tears within minutes of walking in the door. a disappointment. i am a worn and torn suitcase….i carry lies, drugs, sex, violence, and far worse with in me. no one want to own a worn and torn suitcase…they want the brand new ones. my whole family sees me as a fuck up. my dad doesn’t even tell me anything that will cheer me up anymore. i used to run to him and he always had my back….not anymore. this man doesnt believe in me, my mom  ois in her room crying and i hope […]

hey everyone.

i don’t have too much to say but i’ll start off by mentioning that this post isn’t at all for myself.

there are a lot of people who come to this site and write down their experiences/situations for others to read, but many of us here don’t really receive help.

the only way things fall away from goodness is because of a lack of God. so basically what i’m trying to say is that if you really want to make your life and yourself better, you need Him, and you need Him more than just an hour a week.

if you’d like to talk about Him or […]

There was this Wednesday where I left school early (was a senior at the time).
I came home, nobody was there except for my dog, Jun, who went crazy seeing that I wasn’t paying any attention to her.
I went upstairs, already a wrist-cutter (just not a suicidal one), filled a bathtub of hot water, got in, and slashed my wrists.
blood wasn’t gushing or anything, but it sure was flowing.
I was there, lying in the tub, for about two hours. wide awake, crying, trying to decide whether I should get out or not, and I heard my little sister starting to scream […]

tell me whom should i go to for help
tell me who can help me
tell me where do i run to get away from my troubles
tell me where is the refuge
tell me who can i talk to that will understand
tell me when the help will arrive
tell me how to get through this
tell me what will happen next
tell me why this happened to me
tell me what should i do now
tell me why am I alone even when around a hundred people
tell me when will things get better
tell me…

I can empathize with many of the stories that I have read on here. I have battled depression for more than 6 years and I am a suicide survivor. Depression is a serious disease! Depression is not the same thing as getting sad after a bad experience such as losing a loved one or even a job. While the pain from losing a loved one is great you will eventually move on. Thats not the case with depression. This condition takes over every facet of your life. Although negative experiences will intensify it I do not believe that they are the […]

fuck.

Because I could put on all the makeup in the world and I wouldn’t be beautiful.
Because I gave you everything I had to give.
Because I always forget to see the end.
Because I think this is the end. Of something anyway.
Because I’ll never be good enough.
Because forever is a lie.
Because I’ll never be able to fill this hole.
Because I’m alone.
Because this hurts more than I ever imagined.
Because I’m not really good at anything.
Because I fuck everything up.
Because I’ve lost something I cannot replace. 
Because I didn’t come here to find love or friends. […]

I had never wanted to die so much as I did last week. I don’t want to go into details because I’ve reached a point of apathy to survive. I want to die and to be at peace once and for all, and I know how to make it look like an accident. I’m too much of a coward to commit suicide. I’m too scared of some pain existing that is worse than this.
They say I’m strong enough to endure
I call me a coward for being too damn scared to do anything at all.