I always take walks at like 12 at night because I’m just sorta, looking for my death. I’m too much of a ***** to kill myself so I want someone else to do it for me. I don’t care what happens to me anymore. I just want to not exist anymore. Hey, at least I’m working out most nights. Oh and by the way, if you like funny things (who doesn’t?) you should totally watch Elvis’ the Alien’s commentary on the movie “Swamp Ape”: It’s the funniest shit ever.
Why cling to this grim slimy reality? Ha! Why force the prison on up out of bed and to some series of unremarkable, unrewarding tasks just in order to afford something moderately less bleak than homelessness? I don’t know. I know the answer is supposed to be in the connections with others. It’s so bleary though, at times. Keep going, I guess. But my god..Sobering up, is just, awful.
why do I always get fucking moodswings
whatever, I’m just here to complain like always. I felt great like two hours ago but now I just feel melancholy. I don’t feel happy, even if there’s something I like, I don’t feel sad, I don’t feel mad, I just feel distant; I feel like I’m on autopilot, watching my body move around and do things while I just feel like a shell.
There is a war between my mind and my body
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to see this side of my dad that I fucking hate. He goes on these political rants when he sees something that pisses him off and just spews off at the mouth about how marriage is meant for a man and a woman. But he makes homophobic comments and I’m a lesbian (he doesn’t know, for obvious reasons). Whenever I see him or I’m around him, I just get sick. He comments on the way I dress (men’s clothes, joggers, t-shirts, sneakers), he comments on me having short hair (it’s down to my shoulders for Christ’s sake). My mom […]
i just wish i could fucking comprehend at least a LITTLE how there are people out there who don’t think about ending their lives
nobody really wants to help you, nobody really cares
the way will show the wrongs.
So I just got home today after I didnt go home last night
Too much.. my head cant contain it
I dont want to go home
Then he come to save me
I cry in his shoulder and he pat my head gently
I go to his place and it took 1 hour to arrive
He try booking another room
But we ended sleeping in the same room
He said he usually playing game and sleep on the floor
I know he was lying
He fall asleep and often wake up to change his position
So I told him to sleep beside me on the bed
I made a post here some weeks ago, and I remember that there was someone who has commented something, but I did not reply. It may be late to say that, but I wouldn’t like to say thanks for that comment, it did help me. So thanks.
I also remember that even earlier I had made a post here about many issues that I was dealing with, and these issues hadnt disappear, some of then even got worser. I remember I even received some advice, and I didnt followed the advice, because I am stubborn, and today I think I should have paid more attention to […]
I’m sick of the people around me, family, neighbours. My body wants to keep living but my spirit is sick of everything.
I’m going to make a mural in my room and I’m lacking ideas; anyone have ideas?
My dad, as I’ve always mentioned, was a good father but the worst husband. I literally mean those adjectives in their respectively word forms – “Good” and “Worse”! He had created raucous in the house; I have terrible memories of him cursing, abusing mom and even getting physically violent on her. I remember every detail of those incidents right from my childhood. It angers me – literally boils my blood like right now and I can’t even imagine how mom has tolerated his torture all these years until his death and post that, she’s so heartbroken and mourns for him every day – even after […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ogsp38nXvqk
The words some girls need to hear from their dads, but like me, the words were never voiced. I never got to hear the words “I’m proud of you” and he wasn’t there for me. He put me in a bubble. And so did she. Although I do mean it figuratively I also mean literally.
We were playing new super mario bros on the wii and i kept dying. He told me to stay in the bubble because i would just die again. So i put the remote down and just watched. Whenever we watched tv he would only pause it for himself.
He […]
We updated a plugin and it did not go well with the site. Sorry it took us a day to get things back online.
I’m not claiming I’m so smart, I’m like everyone else trying to survive in this cesspool called life, but I do like to pass along things that helped me and that I’ve learned, this is a very true quote and very solid “You reap what you sow” but with a twist.
If you sow crap for yourself you will reap crap for yourself. So it’s important not to try to do that! 🙂
The twist is you also reap what others sow, when what they sow is crap and It directly effects you.
You can’t help that and sometimes you think it’s your fault and wonder why your […]
i type in s in the top bar, i click in, i log on to this account and pour everything out knowing it’s not going to help. i’m no longer in pain, my body adjusted and i’m used to it. i’ll stay calm for the day to come. but like many other things in life, i’ll never get to decide for myself, not even the day for me to quit.
I just feel so stuck right now. Everyone around me is always telling me how I’m such an inspiration to them and how they want to be like me but in my mind I’m always saying, “uh, no you don’t. I might look all nice and cheerful on the outside but internally, I’m always fighting this constant urge to harm myself/end my life.” I just feel like there’s nothing left that can really make me happy and also nothing for me to acheive anymore. As a result I feel that I’m simply “sticking it out” for no reason. I really don’t know how much longer […]
All my life i thought i lived in hell, that i was tortured. I escaped some of the deepest darkes place and pulled myself out. But new hells come and new levels of torture come. Now i understand truly what it is like to be helpless. Now i understand what torture truly is. And this hell seems never ending. The moment i think we have escaped it pulls us back in. The one person i love the most in this world is suffering because of a doctors mistake and its trickled into multiple doctors and nurses. And shes in pain she cries she suffers and […]
Theirs this girl who feels like she’s dead inside and can’t do anything about it and it’s killing her slowly everyday she wants to seek help but she can’t and the pain she feels she don’t show it cuz she knows no one will be there to help her through it all because they don’t understand her at all even though they say they do they don’t and this fucking feeling of dying inside everyday is horrible and she feels like death is the damn answer she cries tonight cuz she’s to the breaking point in life cutting seems like a perfect thing to do […]