I like many things about tbis site, chirf amongst them being SP is whete thete os no story/problem that dare not speak iits name.

They say forget about the past. Get over it, they say.

But the past doesn’t forget you. It catches up to remind you – right at the moment when you start getting ideas or getting ahead of yourself- who you really were = are.

Forget about it! BS. I know it for a fact that I will carry the baggage from my past straight into my shallow grave. There’s no getting over it. Only hope there’s no hell or afterlife or karma-based reincarnation, otherwise I’m getting my ass handed back to me on a frying pan for all eternity.

What I’d prefer to end up as-

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?????????? ????????? ?????????? ????, ??????? ??????????? ???????? ???, ??? ????? ??????? ?? P2P ????????. ???? ?? ????? ???? — LocalBitcoins, ?? ??????? ????? ????????? ?????????? ???????????? ? ??????? ???. Paxful — ??? ???? ?????????? ?????????, ??? ???????????? ????? ????????? ?????????? ?????????????? ????? ?????.

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I feel like nobody and I’m done with therapy because my idiot therapist can’t help me and he just tried to guilt trip me on how he thought it was wrong that I tried to KMS in the past and he tries to tell me with stigmatizing language that I’m wrong for trying to escape the pain in the past, but yet tries to justify everyone else for pushing me to that point and making me feel this way just because they’re in authority! I feel like I’m a fucking slave to this pain and I’m obligated to stay in this earth with this mental […]

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I think it’s all breaking down, and I think it specifically has to do with how children are being handled. People in my generation are reaching the age that the urge to have children gets really strong, but where I live the conditions for children are so bad it still manages to hold most of us back. Also, my city is really xenophobic, so immigration isn’t going to solve our labor problem either.

and this is an issue because trying to have kids is the only purpose I have left. There’s no career, no huge projects, very little else to look forward to.

My wife and I […]

not suicide related

Just wanted to say it, and no I’ve not recently left/had someone leave a relationship with me (aka breakup)… Just remember that people can and do leave others just because they feel like it, and they’ll make an excuse to ‘soften the blow’ for you. But of course that won’t work and you’ll be left hurting and aching for a long time anyway. I know someone who was ghosted.
Imagine spending months or years on someone just for them to LEAVE! Look I’m sure many lives are greatly improved by a seemingly good relationship, but remember that this ‘good’ relationship can change at […]

I’m jealous. I’m jealous of everyone and everything. I am jealous of my fucking friends, I’m jealous of people who aren’t my friends.

I’m jealous of everyone who has other people to talk to and everyone who doesn’t need one. my friends and family treat me so shitty without even knowing and here on this website, anonymous people are telling me that I can vent to them. why the fuck can’t I do that? why can’t I help someone for once and not just sit here pleading for my help even when I don’t need it and there is no one in this fucking world who […]

It’s confirmed, I *AM* cursed.

So the power went out in the whole building. Four units. OFC *MY* unit is the ONLY unit where the power is NOT back on. The other units/floors power went back on immediately. But I’m the only one left with NO power. The rest of the block has power too. Just. Not. Fucking. Me.

And family left. They won’t get back till very late, and even then, it’s unlikely they care to fix it late tonight. So that means no power for all of today and all of tonight. And all morning. […]

“i like being alone, but i don’t fancy being lonely”

people around me are doing something or the other in their lives. they are either in good relationships, being happy or are excellent at studies, building up their future but again here I am, writing stuff that doesn’t matter to anyone on a site where everyone is as fucked up as me or even more. just yesterday when I was with my friends, all of them were talking but I kept feeling like there was a wall between us and the worst part was that I wasn’t bothered by the wall because I’m the one who […]

I felt great for a moment. Then I realized I only felt good bc this thing I drank had caffeine (I don’t normally consume caffeine). No wonder Americans are addicted to this shit. It temporarily makes you feel great. It makes you temporarily forget your life is total shit…until it wears off and you’re back at your shit life -_-

I know what is right, and I know what is wrong. The border between good and evil is for me like a thread, a line between justice and shame.
I would do anything not to be alone. But there is no company around that I can convince myself to keep.
And those I admire, my heroes, even they are tired of me.
Something cripples my mind. Makes me incompatible.
It’s like I have no personality. I am nothing but a copycat.
If I cannot mirror another, then I have nothing but the masochistic desire to be punished, or the sadistic desire to cause […]

The other day my friend recounted an incident where he was spoken to in a very degrading manner by an employer when he was a young teen. He was so stunned, it has stayed with him more than fifty years later. He asked me, “Who speaks to anyone that way, especially a kid?” I told him I was always spoken to that way. Where I come from it’s normal. It wasn’t until I was married and had a child that I learned that not all people hate their spouse and not all parents resent their kids. My father is long dead and my mother, who […]

I didn’t realize how deep a mother wound can go – every day it is becoming even more suffocating. It’s like you need some gas to stay alive and instead of oxygen, someone has veen making you inhale something poisonous and you breath it in and it keeps you alive.

Yes, I guess in the recent past, this fear has terribly set in, almost hauntingly that I will eventually end up being alive; that life will not stop abruptly even though I have now mastered the art of living day to day. No amount of hurt, anxiety, some low point is enough to kill me. It’s […]

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????? ?? ????? ???????? ?????? ???????? “InvestPro”. ????? ?? ?????? ????????????? ???? ???????? ? ????????? ?????????? ??????????? ? ???????? ???????. ???????? ????? ???????? ????????? ? ?????? ??????? ???????? ??????, ??? ?????? ?? ??????????????? ??????? ??? ??????????.

??? ????? ?????????? ???????? ????????? ???????? ?????????????? ? ????????????. ???? “CryptoInvest” ?????????? ??????????? ??????? ?????? ? ????????? ?????????????? ??????? ? ???????? ??????? ?? ?? ?????. ??? ???????? ?????? ????????? ???? ??????? ??? ?????????? […]

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?????? ???????????? ??????? ??? ?????????? ???? ? ?????????? ??? ????????? ?????: ?? ??????? ????? ?? ???????? ?? ?????????????? ??????. ???? ?????????? ??????? ?????? ???????????? ??? ?????????, ?? ?????????? ????????? ??????????? ? ??????????.

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I found myself waiting in line at the confectionery section which also sold cigarettes which is what I was after. The girl who was of a high standard in my opinion a 9 possibly knocking on the door of a 9.5 was serving. Three customers were in front of me, she seemed quite confident until I came face to face with her, she blushed bright red and cast her eyes downwards, I noticed her hands were trembling. Like I said I would fear being a resident of a nursing home, time goes by in an instant and you never know what tomorrow could bring, the […]

I am tired of suffering. I just wish I knew how my life would turn out- I need a crystal ball to see into the future. I want to see if I should just kill myself now and be done with it, or struggle some more and maaaaybe life would be better/worth it at some point.

It seems rather pointless and a waste of time and effort if we try, and life still doesn’t improve. Then we might as well end our suffering now.

with our own depression?

i had wanted to become a therapist a while back, get my PsyD, and thought I’d learn psychology to help myself, and give myself purpose by helping others.

–if you’ve left the profession burnt out, i take it counseling did not help most ppl, nor did it help you lessen your own depression?

i had attended a psych panel and after listening to these apathetic jerks, i decided not to (plus grad school was $$$$ and it wasn’t free). the only one that had a heart and cared was the newest one to the profession. the longer someone was a […]

What if we’re not good enough?
What if we’re not strong enough?
Not confident enough?
WEAK.

What if we just can’t make good decisions anymore?

What if the reason we’re depressed is bc we’re too chickenshit- not confident enough and not brave enough, to go do what we should do? Whether it’s expatting overseas by myself, despite being sick and disabled and alone. Or maybe in your case not confident enough to ask a girl out on a date. Or insert any thing we haven’t done due to lack of confidence.

There’s many reasons for my depression but the biggest one is on […]