Can you believe that sometimes like a bit earlier now I took/take psychiatric medicine just because of how bored/boring I feel/ my life is?
I should be grateful that I have friends and family who care and want what’s best for me.
That they see a version of myself that I’d lost so long ago, and are still trying to point me back in the right direction.
It’s like talking to a wall. No responses, just stares and yeses.
What am I to even do or say? They tend to be right. I’m not doing enough, not trying hard enough. I’m no man, I’m a child.
Stop the victim blaming, and try harder. Go outside more. There is so much you have to do as […]
Or is it play stupid games, win stupid prizes?
Fool that I was to mention my relative comfort, life chose to humble me with losing that. Currently 20 hours without power at my house, luckily my parents live close by so I’m holed up there
I hate heat, and of course it’s warm out, my parents keep their house about 13 degrees warmer than mine, and I am without my computer and all the associated comforts…so I’m low on sleep typing this on a god forsaken mobile keyboard….. And really physically and emotionally drained
And this is the second time in a month I’ve felt I made a […]
Just trying to get some shit out (as usual.)
It’s maddening to deeply want something that you know is deeply wrong. It necessitates becoming alienated from an integral part of yourself. “No, surely, it can’t be me who would want to do that terrible thing. I would never.” And there’s no resolution to it. Either you do the terrible thing, and feel terrible about yourself. Or you don’t, and you have it eating away at you, and you feel terrible about existence in general. I hate myself, and yet a part of me loves that kind of longing far too much to ever give it up.
I […]
Nobody understands or helps me to stop struggling. I have to do something myself.
haven’t seen any posts like this on this site but I figured I’d shoutout to anyone who gets it. If you’re familiar with the term “high functioning” or the obsolete and controversial label “asberger syndrome” then that’s in the ballpark. But I’m talking about fucking supercalifragilistic high functioning followed immediately by extended periods of catastrophic paralysis, or outright self destruction. You could also imagine bipolar with the knob cranked up to 11, although that’s not exactly it either.
With me it manifests itself with a “drill sergeant” personality that sometimes unexpectedly kicks in. And he’s a real fucking dick. But most of the time it’s effective […]
It’s been bugging me, and now I need input. There’s no motivation at all to get well off past a certain point according to my motivation, and I’m already past that point.
Let me explain, giving as little of my personal details as possible. I come from a family of well off people. My dad’s dad drank away most of their money, but the next generation rebounded. So minimum third generation upper middle class. Both my parents have college degrees. I have spent less than 1% of my life living in rented accommodations. I have a house, two cars, and roughly 5 computers in various states […]
ungrateful dead shirt, like it?
has anyone else reached the point where you don’t even bother trying to figure out what went wrong, bad luck, trauma, attackers, failures, whatever. It’s all just a shit soup and it’s ridiculous to pick out the ingredients. It’s equally ridiculous figure out what would fix it, a dash of marjoram, a hint of rosemary, whatever. There’s no point trying to rationalize this.
I had a great day not long ago. Like it actually felt good to be alive. Today nothing has changed but the only thing stopping me from jumping off a skyscraper is no skyscrapers around here.and jumping off a ranch house doesn’t quite […]
trash times we’re in. ^ Gaga’s migraine ad partnership
Crazy it started here.
Not a filter^ look for the YouTube play button lol
((In short, this woman started giving me shout outs for being bullied and over time, started putting insults on her YouTube videos. Im an accused terrorist and […]
Me: one parent is dead (my dad – he was abusive anyway), mum is in a care home and can no longer do anything for herself. I live alone and in poverty. I want to work but no one is going to fucking hire anyone with almost no experience. My personality is too different to most people and I’m not really even good at anything.
My bf: parents with a nice house and good jobs and knowing that my bf always be able to go back to them if something goes wrong. He’ll always have a roof over his head. Good at and knowledgeable about […]
i feel like i’m running out of choices, one by one they’re slipping away. when i’ve found myself to be trapped previously, as if i have no choices, i usually always find a way out of my situation. i feel cornered again. i think life was always narrowing down on me, though.
with this, i have to find a new way out. suicide is always at the back of my mind. i genuinely feel like committing suicide is my only option. it’s not that i don’t value life itself, or don’t have appreciation for it, it’s beautiful. but my life is valueless. worthless. it’s already evident […]
It’s so hard dealing with the constant reminders that my life is not worth living. That I’m alone, and I’m probably always going to be alone, and mostly what I want deep down is to not be alone anymore. Some people are fine on their own – I am not one of them. I just unfortunately lack the capacity for any degree of intimacy with others. I can’t feel connection or acceptance.
And nothing else in this world feels meaningful enough to make up for that. I’m not an artist, or a humanitarian, or an educator. I’m not religious, or an activist. I just don’t care […]
I was watching Frank Zappa perform, thinking about what a genius he was, and that’s not a word I bandy about often. He was at worst a once in a century talent, at best? once in a thousand years? Once in 10,000, but only if we had better musical recordings that old. But he’s dead, he’s been dead for 29 years, 30 in December. Most of my life he’s been dead.
He’s in the pile of people that coexisted with me briefly, but was dead before I was aware of them. I didn’t get around to learning about him until at best 2011,17 years on after […]
The last couple of days have really not been the best. To start I haven’t been able to contribute properly to the lab project. Every single thing is screaming at me that I don’t belong there. That I don’t belong at that school. That I don’t belong at that lab. That I don’t belong at that team. I’m not an engineer. I have a degree for one, but I’m not an engineer. I don’t know what I’m doing, Every concept is so beyond me. I’ll never be smart enough or good enough to be a proper […]
Do dumb people irritate you? Bc they irritate the SHIT out of me.
So this guy here in this video gets fired bc he took a day off when his daughter died, which happened to be Black Friday. And SO MANY fucking idiots in the comments are saying “it is not Capitalism!” “It’s not Capitalism!” Especially in this one thread. More than a few arguing saying it’s not Capitalism. The fact that they fired him bc he dared to miss a day of work, during Black Friday, is precisely THE DEFINITION OF CAPITALISM! Not only do idiots in the comments […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I regret waking up. I just feel so low. So worthless. So stupid. Partially for the last few posts. Just shows how pathetic of a brat I am. A rotten brat. I should just go back to sleep and never show my face…
I hope my partner texts back soon, at some point… silence kills me. I know its probably all my fault anyway, but I just want to know if they’re alright, if they still even care… but moving on, because thinking of that for too long makes everything worse.
This weekend I’m going with my friend to see her family up at the lakes, a […]
This is definitely one of the songs, I’d be embarrassed when somebody would find it on my SoundCloud. What are yours?
I apologize at the outset, for blathering on about my utterly boring and unexceptional situation….. I simply lack anywhere else to go with it… social media is cut off and even if it wasn’t I doubt anyone I knew on there would care. Perhaps it is the same here, but at least my words don’t run away from me at 100 miles an hour…. I wonder how that idiom translates, like to metric countries; 100 kilometers an hour? Seems colder, less emotional.
I’ve been on a quest of sorts, I have a little less than two months until I go back to school. That’s not enough […]