Everyone around me, who calls themselves my friend never feels like they are being true. I always doubt the verity of such a word and thus i save them for those who truly earn it. I always fear the people who smile at you face and stab you in the back. I do not believe that someone who is that easily persuaded against my will regardless of how petty this may be, someone who will insult me and side easily with someone who I JUST literally JUST like five seconds ago introduced them to. Or the most painful recent experience. Some fucktard whose name was […]
Every night I lie down in bed and resolve that tonight I am not gonna sleep until i sort it all and find a way out. but within 15 minutes i fall asleep, and wake up next morning only to find that nothing is sorted and i will have to live another day in confusion and restlessness. I don’t know why I can’t accept the fact that there is no answer and all these are just excuses.
P.S. – I know there are people here who can’t get easy sleep. but as it is said – one doesn’t know the value of thing until its gone. […]
Not being able to sleep is one of the worst feelings. Â Insomnia is definitely something to hate. Â I don’t go to bed until 4 or 5am. Â I then wake up around 12pm and just go do my normal day to day jobs. Â My boyfriend gets home at the mid afternoon. Â I hardly ever see him. Â Once he gets home, he comes up to our room to see me, spends 5 minutes with me, then goes to hangs out with his friends for ages, then doesn’t come back up until 7pm, then we make dinner, then we watch a movie (where no catch up or talking […]
I’m bored so….The first time, I was 14, I was scared to death my dad had a meeting at the school and he was going to find out I was flunking out. Â I went into the cabinet and poured a bunch of Aspirin into my hand and swallowed them. Â I laid in bed and closed my eyes. Â This was my most sincere attempt because at the time thats what I knew, I had heard on TV (lots of times) about overdosing on pills. My teenaged brain didn’t have the defense mechanisms it has today. Â All that happened was I ended up sleeping for 14 hours […]
Has anyone else ever taken an Ambien? One pill knocks me out within 15 minutes. That’s not the interesting part. The interesting part is that it wipes out all memory for those few minutes leading up to unconsciousness.
I know it would take at least 1000 pills to kill me, so that’s not what I’m posting about. But something about those few minutes of blackout is interesting. People who have seen me on ambien say i just lie down and I’m out cold, no amout of noise or shaking can get through.
What if, for example, I were to take a dozen pills and then go swimming […]
Another long one.
Seems like a good time to continue on with my confession. I ended the last post after I was caught. I injured myself for four years before my mom saw….. but then again you see what you want to see. My sister an I were always held to a higher standard than most kids. If we got a B on anything we were grounded. A’s were all my mom cared about. Nothing else. She got on to us for every little thing, making it a contest between the two of us. That is the main reason my sister and I started fighting. After […]
I have always been a lost child in the wonders of how this world work, felt different, alone, unwanted. My perception of life was so different from others to the point I was unsure what the definition of life was… to me life was what we based it on what we create of it, not repetition and constant drills to form us into all similar beings. I never understood peoples fascination with money when I was younger, it was paperâ€¦ why did people fight over it. As I grew I started becoming more frustrated with the world in lack of understanding the point of it […]
I stumbled upon the Project while looking for ways to make the End look like it wasn’t planned. Â It’s only made me more sad to see that there are so many people that feel similar to me. Â It’s beautiful though, to see so many likeminded folks listening, and offering support to those that can’t find it in the real world. Â I’m thankful the trolls haven’t embedded themselves yet.
I’m 30 in June, which makes me old in my mind. Â My 20’s have come and gone, leaving only confusion, amazement, and disappointment. Â I’m more successful now than I once thought I would be, but nowhere near where […]
This morning I woke up and I was so happy (NOT-.-) because it was Easter. I was half awake looked out the windows when I was downstairs and I saw snow. Snow?? No that’s not possible. I mean snow is already a miracle in The Netherlands if we have it in the winter, but on 31 march?? No, not possible. Somebody was joking on me, with a machine that makes snow, but when i saw that it was also high in the air slowly falling down I realized this was no joke. When I realized that, I got totally crazy, because I thought I was […]
An apex of happiness exists, but that point is far beyond my grasp. Every little hunk of happiness I have ever experienced has either been broken down or snatched away from me. I can’t keep it together, its just not within my ability. This world you have constructed wasn’t meant for people like me. I fall into a niche and all that happens to us is misery. We are the people who’s company you enjoy, but also the people you take advantage of, and the very same people you scoff at simultaneously. My relationships fall apart and I finally understand why: I don’t deserve any […]
I’m a girl, a teen, and I’ve been considering suicide for the last 5 months. I live with my mother, only child, never met my father. I wouldn’t say we’re poor, but we don’t have things like typical families have, car, house, etc. We live in a apartment with 1 bedroom and living room, kitchen and bathroom. I have about 7 different things I can wear. I don’t own anything special.
Ever since I was 6 years old I’ve been very smart, and I’ve been praised for it. My mother got together with a man when I was 5, so we moved somewhere so that we […]
I’ve decided to go to work today. I haven’t been there since Tuesday. I woke up today so sore and stiff that it took me 15 minutes to pry myself out of bed. My head hurts, and once again I was unable to eat anything. That makes it two days without a decent meal..
I feel my anxiety kicking in. Although I’ve worked there for over a year. I know my staff very well, and I get along with each and every one of them. I have multiple repeat customers that I am able to talk to. Life, and weather, and entertainment. I like my job. […]
I admit. I am typically a shy person, but that does not prevent me from judging myself and anyone that I get in contact with.
Just minutes earlier at an university library, some woman in the next study booth was playing Lady Gaga rather loud even though the sign clearly labels the area as silent zone. Lady Gaga may sing awesome songs, but it still distracts me from my study… After 15+ minutes, I had enough, so I walked to her booth, knocked at the booth door. She looked at me puzzled, wondering why I put up a smile as a gesture of politeness. I slid […]
My name is Kyla. I am 15 years old. I think I will start this with a timeline.
June 11, 1997- Born
I was born in Calgary, Alberta. That’s in Canada for those of you who don’t know.
The first two years of my life were spent in my grandfathers house, located in a quiet and respectable community, as my parents were poor and couldn’t support themselves.
I was raised in a neighborhood that was known for its criminals. We lived in a run down townhouse. Â Our neighbors were drug addicts and whores. We even lived next to a crackhouse.
Police sirens were always wailing in the background, and it […]
Hereâ€™s a scenarioâ€¦ imagine your life was nothing. Imagine waking up every morning scared of what will happen todayâ€¦.knowing nothing will happen because you arenâ€™t good enough and some one in your head constantly reminds you of it. You promise yourself itâ€™ll be different but that second person knows it wont and flaunts it. You get ready for school and if you donâ€™t have time or your hair isnâ€™t doing the right thing you freak out andÂ hyperventilate. You think youâ€™re having a heart attack and can not breathe but you still make your way out the door and to the bus for school. Once you […]
Yes; How long can I stay here?
I get treated like shit! There is no other way to explain it. I still believe my father hates me deep down.. for calling the cops on him because he was out of control.. Would you rather of been to prison for the rest of your life? Exactly! I saved your sorry ass. When you said to me ‘I hate you’ ‘Your dead to me’ ‘I don’t want you in my life’ & also called me a ‘*****’ ;; I just wanted to punch you! See why beer does to you?! This hasn’t happened once, its happened […]
I hate how people have been acting about Amanda Todd. They act like suicide is somethingÂ completelyÂ new to the world. It doesn’t matter how much they bullied the deceased, once a suicide hits the news, they act like they would have given a fuck if she had told them. OnÂ Facebook, people are making pages called RIP Amanda Todd, and posting about how horrible it is, and how they bet the bullies feel like crap now. On average, someone kills themselves every 15 minutes. What about all those people?
Just a little preface, I am a 26 year old male who works for the biggest telecommunications company in Canada (I cant say who….) as an Install/Repair technician. I am only mentioning this because it will tie together further on.
Well, I had this one REALLY bad day, and I had suicidal thoughts which would not go away. I wanted to die, just like most other days… I have this one way bridge near my house, and I figured it would be good to hang from. It is a one way bridge, and a few people I know would see me there… The bridge is for […]
I’m sure many posts have started the same way mine will; I’ve never written a post before in my life.Â But things have escalated to the point where I have to say this somewhere…..anywhere.Â And this seems as good a place as any.
I was married at 18, got pregnant on my honeymoon, so had my first child by the time I was 19.Â My husband and I had known eachother since I was 13 and he was 15.Â We were the best of friends until things started changing when I was 16, and we fell in love.
I honestly believed my life was set.Â We had […]
As my username suggests, this story is from a few years back, but I think that it’s worth sharing. And yes, this is lengthy, but I’m very sure that it’s worth the read.
This was probably the worst I had felt in weeks, life just wasn’t working out for me. I was stressed under mountains of homework, stuck singing in a choir that I hated that controlled my life and I had no social life. I didn’t know how to deal or cope with stress at all. A week prior to that day, I kept writing in this one notebook:
“Tell somebody, tell somebody”
It was the last […]