My depression started when I was around 6 years old. Â It started when I was sexually abused by my cousin and his dad. At the time I didnt know what was wrong and what was right, how could I? I was just a little kid. All that ended when I was 13 years old. The sad part of my story with them is that their family is seen as the perfect family. All the kids in that family were well mannered, smart, went to good schools etc. I never told anyone what happened, because….. I didnt want to hurt my family, and I didnt know […]
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6 Years
it ain’t cutting it with your dame “I’m a Christian” Ius hypocritical and I’m not buying it , You go out and Fuck anything and EVERYTHING that walks and then u get on my case about Esteban Whom I’ve been with over a Year and a Half, I Have a Better relationship Then u Will EVER have!!!…. You Go and use God on EVERYTHING ! U dated the drug addict then the Drunk then the Crack head I told u “he’s bad he’s only using u for money to buy his Drugs, aren’t u Fornicating ? Ain’t that bad if ur so called Godly?” […]
My girlfriend is leaving for camp right now, for a week, with no communication and without me. I’d love to go with her – I tried to, but my parents lagged signing me up for the camp, until finally we missed the deadline.
My parents keep telling me, “It’s only a week – you two spend too much time together anyway, you’ll survive,” but that doesn’t stop me from crying. I love her, and I miss her. We rely on each other to take care of each other, since both of our lives are overwhelming shitpiles. Just the thought of a week with absolutely no communication with her kills me inside.
I know she’ll come […]
I’m new to this so I don’t really know how to explain what I’m feeling but I need to get this out. My girlfriend left me 2 weeks ago and she was the reason I did anything with my life. She is the one it’s as simple as that and I would do anything to get her back. I’m a manic depressive anyway and I’ve been on pills for the last 6 years with no results. I have been seeing shrinks for the last 5 years and ended up in hospital 3 times trying to kill myself. I cannot deal with this anymore I’m 22 […]
Today I went to my cousin’s open house. There was this little girl there, 6 years old, that I had never met before. She saw me giving the other kids “airplane” rides and wanted one as well. She waited in line multiple times, until I was too exasted to lift anyone else. Then she wouldn’t stop following me, so I started talking to her. You know how little kids like to tell you really unimportant things and many times nobody truly listens to? Well I like to listen. I like to ask them questions and hear all the innocent things running through their heads. So […]
So I guess I never really considered trying to write out my story anywhere, but maybe getting it all down will help me put it into perspective, help me decide whether or not I can take this, haha.Â
I’m turning 17 this December and my most frequent thought is generally that “I’m so young why is everything already so bad.”
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I should be out, enjoying life, enjoying myself, going places with my life, planning for post secondary.Â
But nothing is happening, I’m not doing anything. Lack of motivation is a horrible thing isn’t it?
I grew up in Canada, having moved to BC when I was just […]
no more depression starting today. At least, no more acknowledging it. I know why it’s there now, I know it. I’ve got the spotlight on my darkness. I’m no more better off but at least I’ve come to terms with this putrid existence. I’ve drowned in misanthropy, hatred for my fellow man. I’ve closed myself off to the world for the most part, spend every day miserable and unsatisfied.
I know now, nothing will please me, and that’s just fine. I feel that much more at peace with death and will fear it that much less when it comes, whenever it comes.
I’ve been doing the […]
i’m a 16 year old girl. never done anything bad really, except for white lies and secret boyfriends (from my parents). But I guess it is what has led me to how I feel now.
It’s started since 6 years ago when my sister became a disappointment to my parents. And well, coming from a South Asian culture, stereotypical, it had to do with the influence of the Western society, new found independence (she was 18) and lack of grades. It costed my parents a lot and that I understood. After that year abroad, she had to return to India and took my mother with her, I […]
i feel empty. exhausted. so deeply sad.. & mad that nobody i know has the time to care.. despite having felt similar before & me having been there for them.
it is very fucked up.
i still miss the love of my life after 6 years.
but if i did die tomorrow.. i would feel that i had loved & been loved.
now i have ocd/anxiety/depression/phobias/ & what feels like a million more things wrong & a situation that has completely trapped me. i want to scream. i often do.
every time things get a little better.. somehow something else goes wrong & i am […]
I just can’t deal anymore. Everyone says to “hold on” and “be strong”. But they do not walk in my shoes. They do not feel the pain I feel. They were not physically and emotionally abused in their childhood. They didn’t see their boyfriend of 6 years find a new girlfriend and the two of them crack jokes about me on Facebook, saying that I am lunch meat while the new girlfriend is steak….yet the ex-boyfriend calls and tells me the same week he not over me and wants to be friends and I am a great person. How can I be a great person if […]
I just can’t deal anymore. Everyone says to “hold on” and “be strong”. But they do not walk in my shoes. They do not feel the pain I feel. They were not physically and emotionally abused in their childhood. They didn’t see their boyfriend of 6 years find a new girlfriend and the two of them crack jokes about me on Facebook, saying that I am lunch meat while the new girlfriend is steak….yet the ex-boyfriend calls and tells me the same week he not over me and wants to be friends and I am a great person. How can I be a great person if […]
Ok so this is it. I’m 18 now. I’ve been suicial for 6 years now. I want to hang myself. I feel obligated to wait though, but there’s nothing to wait on. I tried to hang myself twice last night, but I have no foolproof plan because of my weight. I had to use my door knob and sit down. I looked like an idiot who’d played the choking game alone. The only reason I got out of it was because I didn’t feel right not saying goodbye to anyone, but I just couldn’t find words to express my pain or my desire for death. […]
i dont know what to do… i like my ex agai… ive been waiting for her for 5-6 years now and shes in a relationship, but thats kinda going dwn the drain and ive been talking to ppl and they say she’s just using me and or toying with me. one minute she would flirt with me and the other she will keep her distance… were already doing “couple like things” where whang out everyday and text everyday, and even talk on the phone till we fall asleep every other day. ppl say that im her fall to guy but i dont want to be […]
Well… Here I am at 25. More confused than when I was 14…. Lost for 11 years. Wandering, somewhere out there alone. In a world full of trauma and pain. Not understanding where I am going, or even what I want to do. My father who was my best friend died in an accident. A month before my birthday. Right before Father’s day… My mother met an addict and decided that she wanted a different life. So when she got out of jail, she moved out of state and gave her children up to be wards of the state…
The rest of my family disappeared as […]
I was with the love of my life for 6 years. We loved eachother so much, were wedding planning and never had arguments, just healthy discussions.Â
For the last year of that I became very sick. I am motion sick 24/7 for over a year. I was suicidal. My boyfriend was as strong as he could be, caring for me, but couldn’t take the suicidal thing. He cheated on me 3 times with the same girl. He said he hated it, had no interest in her and struggled to get it up everytime, it was just an escape. He stopped and started seeing a therapist. […]
Dear Love,
This is the last time you screw me over. Because of you, this time I found my boyfriend having sex with my best friend. I did absolutely nothing to deserve that. I was faithful, kind, patient, and loving to him through it all. I would have never hurt him like he hurt me. 6 years gone to waste. This goes for the rest of the guys and “friends” who screwed me over. My heart aches so badly and is through getting stabbed over and over again. It hurts… so much… I just want it to stop… But it won’t… I hope you’re all happy. I have been broken […]
I feel like my life has been a blur..a blur I didnt want to acknowledge until I realized its eating me inside and im basically dead already. I am ashamed of myself and I cant speak to ANYBODY about this. I dont want to die.. but i dont want to exist either. I dont want to exist because there is not a day im not reminded of the torture and abuse i had to withstand and have never been able to share with anybody. I was sexually abused and molested when i was a kid..for several years. I was confused. I didnt know what was […]
I know I’ve posted quite a few things on here, and they aren’t exactly like most things that people post up. Some of  you may think that I’m on drugs or something, because I tend to be too positive (if there is such a thing!), it’s just that I know what it’s like battling your personal demons. I started cutting 6 years ago, and some days I just want to end it all.
I know how it feels like to hate everything that you are. Changing yourself completely to make others like you. Changing so much that when you look in the mirror you can’t […]
This is a first. I’m sitting in the dark, if it weren’t for the glow of my phone’s screen. Pathetic, is it not? The age we live in. Specifically 4:46am in the wilderness that is upstate New York. This place is devoid of all things meant to nourish – as a life long denizen it’s cruel atmosphere is taking it’s harsh toll on me. Too many thoughts, too many restless nights….the cold air has entered my mentality and is stifling all that may prosper. I lay here contemplating attempt #3. I have given up yet again. It’s been 6 years since […]
I’m 32 years old. I have a good job and an even better spouse. I have thought about suicide everyday since I was about 6 years old. I have been sexually abused and raped. These things are far in the past. However, I HATE it when people blow smoke up each other’s butts all day and ignore any real feelings. I hate facebook because 1)I can’t stop 2) it has ruined my relationship with family members. I don’t feel like trying anymore and I certainly can NOT take another goddamn therapist or psychiatrist. I always feel WORSE after meeting with them because they say the […]