I’ve been waiting on doing this for quite a while now. For some reason, whenever I’ve been swimming around in my fantasies of (emotional) suicide, I’ve always managed to stumble upon this site. It never helped, but then again, it isn’t supposed to.
i am finally home. then when i was finally able to see my girlfriend again all i could do was cry i felt like i couldn’t even move. i would want to but when i did its like i got smacked down saying no, you don’t deserve to move. then before i even notice she’s gone and it fells like i didn’t even get to talk or be with her. when i get stuck i hate myself for it. I’m screaming just stop, just get up. but knowing how stupid it is only makes me hate so much more. i understand now. screaming from the […]
I’m on vacation right now, i should be happy, i should feel rested but I’m not. i feel exhausted sad and depressed. at night thoughts of cutting my self flood my brain and i can’t think of anything else. i feel so alone. i shouldn’t feel this way. i have one person looking out for me and loves me and i don’t even see them anymore. all i see now is when is the next time i can cut myself. i don’t deserve her.
i feel so guilty, she’s the best girl in the whole world and i fall for other people, of course they don’t […]
Imperfection
What is perfect to me?
I always thought that being a perfect person was to one, just be skinny. That was the main point, to be skinny. Everyone loves skinny girls, right? No one loves fat, but apparently that’s all I have. That’s my blanket around my bones.
I look at my reflection every single day and just examined myself, and my flaws. I stare at how my hips are wide and how fat covers every inch, also on how my shoulders are wide and broad. I look at my small breast and my fat thighs. […]
m so tired.like seriously tired. I have the worst family,friends,luck,everything. Ive been through physical and emotional abuse from my dad. My dad is one pain in the ass,hes an alcoholic,he yells at everyone,he doesnt respect my mom and me. Etc etc etc the list could go on and on. I hate him i hate seeing him i hate hearing him i hate everything about him and i know some people would scold me for this because no matter what hes my dad but Ive done everything to be patient and understand him but i just fucking cant. I hate how he makes my mom suffer. […]
The son of the ocean god drowning in the sea….Something mildly poetic about that, but yes I digress many upon this website wish to die so badly that none can save them that only have depression and have hit a miserable spiral, but I suffer from a mixture of Asperger’s syndrome along with social anxiety disorder….Yes you can see my issue and how screwed I truly am.
I have a aptitude for chemistry and know by which means I wish to die….Hydrogen sulphide obtained through a collection from a condenser so thus the parallel to the god above in that I am a chemist wishing to […]
If each cut could speak. If each scar could scream. They’d tell you the reason their there. Upon my arms, legs, stomach hips…every part. They’d tell you it’s for many reasons. Memories of the abuse, the rape replays in my mind. Voices shout say it was my fault…that I should abuse myself. Maybe I’m so use to it, that it’s the one thing I know well. My reasons..are one to many. Abused, pain. anger, hate….some even a suicide attempt or two. But there are a million reasons, if only they could speak…they’d tell you
Ever since I was a little girl, living was an issue. I’ve wanted to die since I was 8 yrs old. My mother was/is evil and doesn’t have feelings like most people do. Common traits of a Sociopath; she would have a lot of sex with a lot of people just so she could feel something… Or at least I tell myself that’s the reason why. She married my dad while she was still married and had 2 sons with someone else. My dad didn’t know, but her first husband soon found out and divorced her. My dad in turn raised my two older brothers […]
Ive been struggling to find someone to talk to recently as i dont feel im doing the best.
I tried the online counselling but they all need payment details to actually talk to someone professional.
I just want someone who knows what im going through to pay attention and offer advice because i honestly feel so lonely atm.
Id really appreciate a message… For the record im also a really good listener!
Here at the darkest part
is where I must choose to start
a place I want to leave behind
but always blaring in my mind
I cannot run and cannot hide
from the darkness that lies inside
the answers I seek to find
questions I know of not which kind
the greatest acceptance, my chosen despair.
upon this life I do not dare
to call the darkness from which I hide
I sink my head, “in lonely torment…” I cried!
I run from this gathering of host
the face of all, I am afraid of most
this darkness I keep within
hidden beneath this drape […]
It use to only be when I was alone that I thought about dying and killing myself. But tonight while I was out clubbing with my friends all I could think about was death and how much easier it would be. As I stood there trying to dance I looked around at all the other people of the dance floor and they looked so happy and carefree and I just couldn’t help but think how stupid it was because life is pointless.
It’s funny. I never published this post because my friend came and jumped in my bed because she could tell I was upset and […]
I feel so alone. And sad. And scared. And I have no hope of any of that changing. I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself. Maybe on some level I enjoy being miserable. Maybe I’m addicted to hopelessness. Maybe it’s my survival instinct, refusing to accept that it would be better to end it. Perhaps I’m more afraid of death than I am of the pain of life.
So I won’t do what seems like the logical choice. I won’t end it. But I don’t know how to live with this feeling. I don’t know how to find meaning in a world where […]
posted this a few months ago, made a few edits. Feeling alone and misunderstood.
Where is the sunshine?
The end of the pain?
Because I am damaged,
I can’t stand in the rain.
The skies have been dark.
The wind is still whipping.
How am I standing?
What keeps me from tipping?
Because i am damaged,
My limbs tatered and broken,
The life that lived in me
Is now slowly chokin (g).
The storm pushes on with violence and fury.
My leaves are all falling,
Like the snow […]
Hi. So, I’m just posting not because I have anything important to say, I never really do, but just because I wanted to post, and for me, as well as like every other day of the weak and of my life, Monday’s are shit, too. You happy, sane people don’t relate to me on this and couldn’t care less what I have to say, and I don’t know why I’m here sometimes I just, like writing. So today sucked. Spoiler alert, it was another shitty day, none of my days seem to be any better than the rest, usually only worse. But some days I […]
Hello. Today was a bit rough. I have a little under two weeks left for school. I just need to get through it. Around this time I get kind of depressed. I am never comfortable around people and school is the only time I am ever around people. When it comes to summer, I do my utmost to stay away from public places. However, I can’t help but feel kind of shitty when going back to that routine. It means I really am alone. When you have no reason to be around people, it means people have no reason to be around you. You are […]
Reality is boring
real-life is boring
real-world is boring
not like movies, comics, novels, anime manga, video games !
also,
I hate Humans , Humans suck
I hate Human , Human suck
I hate Humanity, Humanity suck
I hate people , people suck
Most humans / people only think about Money ,
and this reality is boring !
reallife is boring !
realworld is boring !
people / humans are so shallow, superficial, stupid, ignorant
Humanity is hopeless
if there is God , then God is boring !
even Science is boring too !
Science fiction (Sci-fi) is much more interesting than real Science facts !
why […]
i was home alone for the bulk of the day. i should have killed myself whilst i had the chance. i should have gotten it over with.
why am i still alive.
In my dreams, every night, I am back at school (it’s been nearly 10 years.) There, all my defences crumble, and I am confronted with my deepest fears. My peers can finally treat me with the contempt I deserve. No need to hide how pathetic, repulsive, or worthless I am. None of the kindness or tact that you find in real life. Everyone is completely callous, if not actively malevolent. I am an other, an outsider, to be sneered at, laughed at, and rejected. Everyone is against me, and I am powerless to escape or change the situation. Even the teachers despise me – I am […]