I have been depressed or feeling unloved since I was 5. I am 57. I am alone. Never been first in anyone’s life. Let me be honest, I am not anything in anyone’s life. I am seriously damaged. I have never belonged. Never been loved. No one even wants my love with no strings. I can’t even make one friend on the internet. I am a loser. I have screwed up everything I touch. I hurt constantly. Told to be myself and when I am. They leave in a day or two. My sister hasn’t talked to me in 23 years. Other kin don’t care […]
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My psychologist says I’m having an existential crisis and have been my whole life pretty much. It’s strange coz I just laughed when she told me, I am numb; it wasn’t funny. I don’t care about my family anymore, I don’t care how my suicide would affect them; I just wanna die.
“Cow” by Sparklehorse, I’ve been cutting to this song for three years so it’s quite sad and trigger-ey for me. I remember this one time I was cutting, I accidently stabbed myself and it went about 4cm in. I find it funny that I can mess myself so bad and no one ever […]
New start for me, just finished off the rest of my booze and starting my medication therapy of Effexor tomorrow!!! I know I made a previous thread about this topic but I just wanted to say a few more words. I really hope I succeed this time and don’t relapse and that I react well to the Effexor. Big life changes comin’ up for me, now if I could just have that much needed confidence to face the world without fear I’ll be set. Always a work in progress I suppose. Fuck even my own optimism is annoying me lmao, sorry folks.
One point of time in life I wasn’t always depressed, I sit here and I think how things got this way but until this day I still don’t understand . It’s like now I don’t see the point of living anymore… To wake up and do the same stuff everyday, see the same people and places . It’s tiring ! And th e one time everything made sense was when I was with him… My savior, he made me so happy but now he’s gone ???? got stabbed to death. It’s like now will I ever feel the same? When I had him here I […]
I think tonight should be the night. If not tonight then tomorrow night. Just no more than 48 hours. I have nothing more to give.
I’ve always pictured myself engaging in adventurous, amazing, fun activities before I go. Instead I’m content with watching old movies and listening to old music. (I wish Netflix would work though) The only things that are weighing heavily on my heart at this time are 1. How sorry I feel for my dog. Nobody loves him as much as me so he won’t get as much attention, and also he won’t know why I’m gone. 2. Tremendous guilt. 3. How things […]
Usually I’m just smokeing a cigarette on a balcony, just me and a little red flame slowly running out… Reading some of the life storries here on the forum, but today I decided to blow off my mind here.
Right now I’m feeling like the whole univers is picking on me. Every time something “good” happens in my misarable life it soon backfires.
I was never some angry guy, I’m usually just depressed especialy in the morning (I’m really having problems getting out of bed) I’m always thinking of all the fails in my life, but once I get out of bed it gets better, usually at […]
There are so many things running through my head i might not make much sense, as I always do whenever I get suicidal. Actually saying that I’m suicidal actually makes me feel real juvenile for some reason, because I keep telling myself that I’m too old to run away from things like this. But truth be told, I’m just really scared of my life turning into nothing and having no point in life. I’m just really scared of my life right now, because I can literally feel it unraveling, because of who I am (and who I am NOT to be more precise).
I’ve always thought […]
Ever since I was little I’ve always wanted to be an artist. An artist who could draw anything or anyone if I set my mind to it. I would always fantasize what It’d be like to be one of those ‘famous artists’ who people look up to (no one has ever looked up to me for anything and when people have ill tell you it’s a real honor). But it’s been years now and my art skills are starting to lack more than it ever has before.
Every time I come across an amazing drawing I start to feel angry and sad.. wondering why my art […]
Just of a bit of let out from all of the emotions that have built up so far. I’m just unscrewing the lid of the bottle and only open slightly as I slightly tilt the bottle full of negativity.
Sure, I’ll play that role of that cheerful friend who is fine with all of your jokes. I’ll be that friend that you can call at 3 am cause I’ll always be awake.
“You’re not sleeping?” She asks.
“Hmmmmm, maybe in a minute, I found this video on the internet.”
I’ll be the one who is always there to stay quiet at the times needed, I won’t ask why you’re […]
I’m so very tired of things going wrong on my life. It feels like whatever I start to do results for a few moments like I’m reaching my goals and then all of a sudden everything’s wrecked, ruined, destroyed with no possibility of keeping anything good from the journey, because most of all the objects of my passion breaks and only the bad things last. And I don’t want to say goodbye to anything anymore, I am the kind of people that love intensily and keep attached to feelings, like a drug addict I want to live strong feelings, to feell alive, to forget the […]
I had no idea there were places were I could write about the possibility of killing my self.
I am just tired of life. I have struggled my entire life to try and find meaning and direction and a path for me to follow but I have never been successful.
I suppose I have done a few things, had a few jobs, bought a couple of houses, had a few relationships and so on, like most people, but I have felt empty pretty much my whole life.
I just don’t and cannot see the reason to be alive. I use the usual distractions that I guess most people […]
Oh lord where do I even begin? I am new to all this and it’s frustrating and overwhelming at the same time. I have so many mixed emotions I’m not sure to look up or down. I guess I’ll start off by introducing myself I’ll go by Cam..to keep things simple. I am 27 years old, Married with 2 beautiful children. I have been married for 6 years this October. I feel as if my life is fading away in front of me. On the outside you would think I’m happy, outgoing, funny, beautiful person but on the inside I feel a very dark void […]
I think that the thing with this site is we all stand together. Personally I rarely see a post where someone doesn’t reply. All of us go through shit, and yet we always reply. And that I believe helps us. Responding to someone else helps us help oursleves. I don’t know if that makes any sense to anyone else…
Mom always called me a guinea pig growing up. At first I thought it was a term of endearment, but that was before she told me it was because she could “mess up” with me (by being a parent) and hopefully get the next one right. Being the oldest is difficult. There’s a lot of responsibility and I was always the one to make an example out of. Growing up in my house was hard. It got to the point where I didn’t want to be anywhere near my family and isolated myself to school and home. I was kind of a loner and I […]
I have not always been the best person. My family seems to resent my very existence, my many false starts which ended in failure, the shame and despair that consume much of my life. But, there’s always been some hope that has allowed me to crawl onward, a bent and broken person held together by force of will.
Recently, I met someone like me. Similar story. Someone who was resented, not loved. Someone who could love the human-shaped monster that was me. She has been my saviour. But she too battles despair and pain. I hope… together, we have enough hope between us to always go […]
im never good enough for anybody, im always sad. most of my friends are gone, i dont know what i do. i think a lot about death but never had the courage to fulfill it.
I am 16 and I am introverted, I have social anxiety and I’m suicidal. Just this month I tried to kill myself two times, and in one of them I almost succeed. I had no friends and now I am giving all of me to make some, but at the end of the school year I feel even more alone than before. I am exhaust, sick of everything and alone.
They only invite me if I am around them when they speak about getting out, otherwise I am totally invisible. I am annoying, boring, and nobody is happy with me around them, some times I feel that […]
Anyone ever feel like you’re only here to be the joke of everything? Feel like you’re always the one people laugh at and put down. Feel like you’re always the disappointment in everything…. Yep that’s me.. Hi, my name is fuck up.
When my mother died I was eight years old. When this happened my father turned to drugs and proceeded to neglect and somewhat abuse me and my brother (non-sexually). Every since then I have looked for some affection from any man, just to have them be kind to me or even love me. I was later molested by two men I was manipulated and broken.
Everyone says I’m beautiful, but I’m always ridiculed by guys for many reasons. And whenever I proceed to tell a guy I like him, he acts like i’m the most disgusting thing in the world.
But then I finally found […]
I am married, have 2kids, working, I just can’t manage any thing in my life I feel like I fell in a big hole that I can’t get out of it and my husband dome times supports me and most of times not, he is a destructive person always want me to do what he wants immediately without thinking we are not getting along these days my life with is always ups and downs we are in down state always argue about every thing (cleaning, washing dishes, doing laundry, doing homework with my son, my kids hygiene and so many other things) he helps me […]