I only come to this website when I’m feeling down
and that’s ok because I know it will pass eventually
but it also sucks because I know that it will also come back like always.
It’s just a bummer to be doing something and then have the horrible thoughts come into your head. You don’t want them there but they stick around anyway, making everything miserable.
Anyway, that’s all.
I hope you all have a good day, stick in there you guys.
Tag:
always
I went driving. Thinking “how fast do i need to drive into this tree to kill me and cash.” [cash is my dog by the way] What kept running through my head was my baby. I cant leave him but i don’t have the heart to kill him.
I shoulda drove off the road that night.
Its hard to fight depression man. Its like it creeps up and takes over. And im doin what im supposed to but when im alone, my mind wonders. I get sad. I have thoughts. I hate bein alone.
I got my whole world wrapped up in a dog. When […]
Been down all day today and can’t really put my finger on why. Nothing special happened today, just really down all day. Should be in a good mood since I’m gonna see my son for his birthday tomorrow. When I feel this way, I always want to feel better NOW! I don’t want to wait and hope tomorrow’s better. I think of all the things that helped in the past like booze, drugs, cutting, but none of those things seem to help much anymore. They just get me in trouble, like I don’t need anymore DUI’s – the next one will be a felony. Fuck, […]
I’m forgetting him. I don’t remember what he sounded like without listening to a video. I have a faint memory of it, but it’s fleeting. I honestly think I’m going to forget him completely. I can’t do that. I mss him and I can’t stand the fact that I’m never going to see him again. I’ll never see that cute little crinkle in his nose or his weirdly thick eyelashes. His fucking blonde hair and his stupid fucking face. I wish I could feel something. I can’t tell if I’m mad at him or if I’m sad or if im just fuckedd up. He left […]
Man i hate life, but if the shoe fits, wear it.
i hate myself for being born on this evil planet.
if i could kill and get away with it ill make these fuckin Christians pay in blood because they know inside they fuckin did it.
I bathe in pain because my life is in a fucking mess.
Don’t say you understand because you dont know how i stress.
i think about suicide all the time because i wanna die so bad and it dont matter that im fuckin pressed.
Take a moment to think about what i see.
All i see are ghosts of […]
Enjoying the story so far? GOOD. Before i continue with this part, i will give important facts to remember because it makes the story even better. Isaiah grew up going to a christian church. I know, I know, he grew up with pious pricks, but yeah he was raised with good morals and values. And he always went to either a christian or catholic school. And he also went to summercamps after each school year and recieved the same treatment he recieved from school at summercamps and his church. Isaiah grows up not being able to trust his legal guardians, authority figures, or students. Isaiah […]
I had just returned from a job interview. It was the first interview I have had in over a year. Since losing my job in Nov 2011…. I was trying all sorts of job opportunities… but with the same result. So much so that I lost hope and had been living out of my savings and later? with my parents? until this job interview came up. It seemed like a job offer on a platter – they desperately need to fill in the post in a weeks time -but I‘d not kept myself updated in the recent past – and couldnt answer the simplest questions. […]
My whole life I’ve known that there is something wrong with me, and ever since I’ve been old enough to be self-aware I’ve done a lot to make myself better. You kind of have to, yeah? In some ways it’s almost effortless. When you suffer intensely you have nothing to do but search for a way out, even if you’re just laying in bed, trying to figure everything out.
It’s this feeling of real loneliness, and an intense fear of being alone. It’s killing me. I’m in my mid-twenties and I feel like I’m at least middle-aged. I’ve fallen in love a few times but it […]
We all have that one person don’t we. They keep us going, most of them don’t even realise it but shit they help us. Mine is fantastic. They make me feel important and valuable, possibly maybe after time, they could make me happy (happy is a big word for me so I don’t tend to use it when reflecting on myself). This person never has to try to lift me up because knowing their existence is in my presence gives me life. The way they talk with such intellect, their mind, fuck their mind is so beautiful. Logically, I love this human.
But unfortunately it’s contradicts it’s self.
I’m on […]
Who else is with me here? I don’t just get depressed, I’m always depressed. My mind can’t think about anything else unless I am unconcious (sleeping). Nonstop pain every second of my life for years now. Every single memory I’ve ever had is gone now, I don’t remember even the biggest days of my life. It’s incredible I am still alive, when my brain doesn’t even function no longer. I just want to stop being tortued alive and be in a unconcious state forever..
So I here I am with my first post. I’m 40 years old and think constantly of killing myself. I’m always in pain- it’s either depression, anxiety or both. I look forward to bedtime, it’s my favorite time of the day. Blessed sleep. I lost my job as a medical assistant over a year ago. I worked in neurology. I was proud of that career. I was fired. Lost too much work due to mental illness. Now I’ve tried several menial jobs and walked out on all of them. I couldn’t take them. Constant anxiety gnawing at me. Every waking moment is torture. One thing […]
Hi there. This is my first post. I joined a weeks or so ago to try and help others. I’ve tried to help people all my life. Seems to be the only thing that gets me through. I wasn’t really going to make a post, but tonight I feel like I should. Not really sure if it’s a rant, or what it really is. Just need to say some things.
I’ve been depressed a lot of my life. Seems just haven’t always seemed right. I wouldn’t say it was severe, but it’s definitely been there. I was in a 10 year relationship since I was 13 […]
Someone very brave once said, “I must uphold my ideals, for perhaps the time will come when I shall be able to carry them out.” This someone was Anne Frank. She held an optimism for a greater world despite her own situation. Carry her optimism with you. When you are faced with an obstacle that seems impossible to overcome, know inside yourself that you can. It’s been done over and over by people; they had the ability to never give up on themselves. You have that ability.
Everyone has the same attribute of being unique in a different way, that includes you. There is no one […]
ever since high school ive always dreamt of having a girlfirend and doing all the romantic stuff why dint god make the SPECIAL one for me
God is boring . boring God . why human’s imagination & fantasy is better than God boring reality ? why God is boring ?
by niki
written by niki
God is boring . boring God .
why human’s imagination & fantasy is better than God boring reality ?
why God is boring ?
I hate this world . I hate this life . I hate life .
This world is so boring , boring world !
This life is so boring , boring life ! life is boring .
Why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, […]
I don’t know. I have a lot of problems with myself. When it comes to self-esteem I suck. Oh you see a pretty outfit? Oh wait you’re too fat for it. Oh that guy’s cute? Oh, he picked the prettiest girl.
When I was younger I didn’t care what people said about me because I was happy being myself. About a yer ago all that changed. I saw how people dressed and I thought that I should start dressing like that. You know, just to look pretty and fit in. I started changing my style. Getting ‘better clothes’, ‘better shoes’. I wanted to be accepted. Then […]
I don’t know if I can handle this anymore… I’m tired of the way I’m living right now; I have so much on my chest right now, I want to let it all out.
when I was 5, I went to a Christmas Eve party at my cousins house. I was very bored so my mother told me to go find my brother that was with my cousin in his room. so I went over there and they were playing video games. I felt sleepy so I decided to go on the bed to rest. As I was laying down, I didn’t realized what my cousin would try […]
I wonder what my mom would like for mother’s day. Flowers? Perfume? A hug? Maybe from her daughters! That’s right she doesn’t count me as a daughter. She’d probably like it better if she could sign a certificate to disown me. I can sort of give her that.
My mother has two daughters (half siblings who are in their mid-twenties) whom she has always loved and adored. They got anything that they asked for and more. Me? The COMPLETE opposite. I barely got attention infact the only attention I ever got was negative. Neither of my parents have ever told me that they loved me. But […]
I dropped out of grad school at the end of last year. I moved home and worked there on farms for a while until I could find more permanent work. I found a new job. I just started this week and I am hating life. Whenever I have a big transition in my life (like moving to a new area) I have a very difficult time. Work is always on my mind. When I’m at work, I feel like I’m not doing a good enough job. When I’m home, I think about how my bosses are disappointed in me even though there’s no reason to […]
I haven’t been on in a while nor have I written anything in quite sometime. I don’t know exactly why, but I just haven’t. My life has taken a turn and it seems to be a positive one for a chance. I fell in love despite my best efforts. It was quick. I knew as soon as I saw him and talked to him it was over. POW! Head-over-heels in love. He means everything to me, essentially he is my life. We moved in together and it seems to be working out. Honestly the biggest change in my life is that I am about 4 […]