Dammit. I try so friggin hard to keep my mouth shut, but I can’t seem to isolate myself properly. Nobody should have to deal with my sad BS, but I am and always will be a whiney, stupid loser. I get weak, and I cave, and I burden others with my helpless garbage. Gah. I wish I could get some rest and turn my brain off.
In the long hallways
there’s talk of love and hate.
They look down on those
who don’t look ‘right’.
Always beating them down
with such bitterness and
anger.
There’s mobs of liars
and masked monsters.
Never knowing the world
outside themselves.
In the long hallways
they’re all looking down
and she’s looking up.
The one single angel.
I’m a deep thinker, as well as an overactive thinker, so almost every second of everyday there are numerous thoughts, worries, and questions running throughout my brain. Here’s one for anyone who wants to answer. What do you think you would be like and your life would be like if you didn’t know you were going to die? You had no awareness about what death is, or that it even happened. For me it would be pretty terrifying, mainly because I see death as my escape, something I will always be able to look forward to and count on because it is inevitable and is […]
Theres so much I feel like saying today, but then I try and there’s nothing. I go blank. Been feeling like this most of the day, my vision has been all jumpy and strange, & there is no cohesion to my thoughts.
Kinda feel like staying on this train forever ( Im on my way home from work), and dissapearing and starting all over again. Or just dissapearing. I feel like ive past my used by date sometimes. Like I somehow missed my date with the grim reaper. Probably slept thru it, knowing myself. Hiding under the doona and he couldnt find me.
I’m starting to believe that even life doesn’t want me here. I find it funny how you can think you’ve hit the bottom and can’t go lower than that, but then you do. You sink further down into the abyss.
My family and my social life are falling apart. We’re economically fucked, I will get kicked out of school if we can’t pay the tuition (we owe like 3,000 dollars and that number will continue to go up if we don’t pay in time). The only place where I considered myself as “not so useless” (even though being good in school means nothing in real life; […]
Losing yet another good acquaintance…
Let’s call him Roger. I just got an email from him saying goodbye. He’s moving to Seaside, OR
I didn’t know. WE didn’t know (one of the groups I volunteer at) he’d been planning ‘his trip’ since last year.
Roger is a two-time cancer survivor.
Always the fighter, he went to own the business he started working at years ago.
His youngest ‘child’ will be heading for college this summer.
Roger’s wife’s already waiting for him having passed a few years ago after a tragic accident.
Roger has a thriving business, family and has his entire affairs in order.
He also has ALS. An aggressive case of it.
It’s […]
They always hurt, no matter what. Any positive emotions always seem to lead to negative emotions of equal or greater power. So I want to get rid of them. I’ll take a damn lobotomy if I have to. I just want to be rid of them for good. They cause nothing but problems and pain.
can someone help me? if you come across this post, please read the whole thing. i feel really stuck.
theres a lot of reasons why i finally accepted I’m suicidal. I’ve tried to kill myself before but i was too weak to do it. i was scared and i couldn’t stop thinking about my mom finding me. i feel like it would be the easiest way to deal with life, i honestly feel like if i was dead everything would be so much better and specially i wouldn’t have to worry about anything. if i died i don’t care what happens i just hope that i […]
I’ve always liked this as I find it very true. So if I’m going to tell someone, it may as well be with people who might have similar experiences. My chapter surprisingly isn’t my depression or suicidal tendencies; instead it is my addiction problem. I’ve been exposed to drugs and therefore addiction a majority of […]
i mean we all are tired, i’m not special.
i’m alone. lot’s of people are, i’m not special.
I’m angry
I want to trust again, to be able to open myself up.
one of my 40 “friends” on facebook noticed i left and it took 8 weeks for him to do so.
my housemate is a deadbeat and i always cover his part of the rent.
i havent spoken to my mom in at least a decade.
the only people that would miss me are those that just use me for my income anyway.
i’m a social nightmare, so i dont make friends. never speak first. never intrude….. its not that i don’t […]
https://youtu.be/n-cD4oLk_D0
I’m not doing anything being alive im tired of being alone. I actually went on a 2nd date today. Im supposed to have another one this coming week. That said i feel very little connection with her. Im grateful as i haven’t had a date before last week in years and very few in my entire life. I guess give it time but i just feel its always a matter of time until i get rejected again. Ive become unover someone i haven’t talked to in a year and will never see again anyway. I don’t want to live anymore in perpetual loneliness. There have […]
I can’t handle it anymore. I can’t handle the constant stress, the overwhelming feelings of depression and anxiety, the unbelievable sense of failure. My friends and family don’t listen to or believe my cries for help. Help. Something that seems reassuring, something that seems within my grasp, yet I know I’ll never get it. I’ll always struggle, always be a burden. I’m sorry I give people grief and sadness when they see me, I’m sorry I can’t be perfect, I’m sorry I rant out my problems to people who already have enough of their own. I’m sorry I’m alive…
I’m a 24 year old guy and I’ve been in so much pain emotional for about a year. I’m financially struggling and in debt. I’m going to be starting college just now at 24. I have no job. I am also ashamed of my body because I have small wrists and only 5’4 tall. I moved out of my apartment and live in the basement of my aunt and uncle’s place. I don’t hang out with any friends and don’t talk to them much anymore. I feel like such a loser! The girl I care about has changed so much within 2 and half months. […]
I keep going, day after day, doing the same old bullshit while I wait to be crammed into a dorm with three other people for the next two years who will come and go and be replaced and whatnot. All so I can get a career in forestry to make me money while I go try to get a proper biology degree. For what? The only reason I do this is literally with the hope that humans will launch me off the planet to go die in space and maybe see some cool shit before I die. I have no hopes nor prospects for love, […]
the universe works in mysterious ways every time i have a bad day or im in a dark place I get signs that show me that everything is going to be alright
like when I tryed my 3rd attempt I found money on the way to the hospital
today A baby was smiling at me on the train on my way to college after I gave a man some change I had and then I passed my final test wile walking up the road the sun felt like it was shining right on me there is something much more powerful in the universe what ever u want […]
For almost 2 years, I’ve felt this way because I live beside toxic neighbours and my uncle doesn’t listen to me to be careful of being taken advantage of. How? Simple. They threaten to sue us, get us fine and arrested for “Distribing The Peace” from the back up alarm installed on my uncle’s car. People sue for almost anything now a days no matter how ridiculous it may seem. There are various type of prices for back up alarm sold online and in-stores. Intially, it was […]
Depression is like a war you either win or lose at battling. Depression is like a cage you cannot get out of. Depression is like suffocating but in reality you’re not. Depression is something most people battle with. It absolutely sucks and I don’t know why people want it. You always want to be alone, not to be bothered with. It’s like being trapped in your own mind you cannot esacpe yourself. I always wonder how different my life would be without Depression. I wonder about how many wonderful things I would do. Hang out with friends. Open my mouth to assholes. Say what I […]
I’ll be quite honest here. I’m barely holding myself together. My family has such high hopes for me, but I just can’t handle this. As soon as I graduated I was thrown into college, being told “I know you, if you take a break you won’t go back.” Maybe that’s true, but maybe when I imagined college I had dreamed of doing something that involved something I love, like art or music. I never imagined I’d be sitting in a class room with these people who are always over dressed and at least twice my age. I never once thought I’d be a business major. […]
Wrote it back in 2012, about depression, finally found it hidden in the recesses of my computer.
That little bastard never sleep, always does he creep,
Here now it seeps through me,
Everywhere I am he never agrees,
Righteous ************ just please,
Ease the fuck up you squeeze too tight.
Inside my head you infest,
Silent screams making me depressed.
How the fuck did you get so loud,
Over the others you reign supreme in your own shroud,
Please ************ shut up cause here’s the crowd,
Every voice you ground out now we back ***** shouting loud.
No more will I listen to you,
Every moment dragging me down […]
Hello.
I’m not very sure why I made this account, but you all seem nice enough. I don’t have a bad life. I have loving parents, an annoying brother, and many friends that love and care about me. So it isn’t really fair for me to complain, right? But every single day is filled with anxiety and fear that I will do something wrong. I am a perfectionist and someone who worries a little bit too much. My hands are shaking as I type this because I fear that it will be something that I will regret starting for the rest of my life. Oh. How […]