I’ve always wanted to fall un conscience hopefully my body will just get too weak
fuck Reality ! fuck real life ! fuck real world !
Reality sucks ! Real world sucks ! Real life sucks !
Reality boring ! Real life boring ! Real world boring !
movies, novels, comics, games, manga/anime are better than Reality !!
there is no MAGIC, no SUPERPOWER , no ‘cool, magical’ SUPERHERO / SUPERHEROES like in those movie , novel , comics , game / games , manga / anime , etc etc !
FUCKING BORING real world / real life / reality !!!
I also hate this life, I hate people / humans, I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very BORING […]
I don’t know how this works, I’ve never done this before but I need some kind words right now. I’ve lost a part of myself. It’s so hard to be happy. So hard to be motivated. Surrounded by people but if you open up they always leave. 2 psychologists are helping me work through what happened, but I just need a friend.
My life story – I was always the happy one. But I was raised in a post apocalyptic cult and was psychologically abused until 21. I come from a broken family with domestic violence. My mum is not mentally there, still severely damaged from sexual abuse at a […]
I see myself running around chasing two kids. I see myself laughing on my wedding day. I see myself being happy. I think it’s all attainable. To grow up, be happy and lead a life that makes me smile.
I know that I have many years left. The number of years I have lived is considered small. In people’s eyes I’m considered a child. I don’t find myself mature, but I don’t find myself childish either. Why is age so important? I think of my future. It seems as if I have so much ahead of me, but my mind reminds myself that what I’m thinking […]
Its funny. I did not ever think Id write on this blog. But eventually I have to. I felt so down ever since I was child, I am introverted. Last year I found a person who made me life a happy life, but temporarily. Many has changed, but eventually Misery, my love, found me once again. Im having these depressions and I have no idea what to do. Everytime I feel like this, I wanna quit. Die, sacrifice, doesnt matter. Wouldnt fight back at all. But then I wake up and my brain tells me “You will try again”. I dont want it to. I […]
i don’t even know why i am writing this really i suppose subconsciously i do i am just so tired of waking up each day with no purpose trying to do something with my life only to realize it holds no meaning in the grand scheme of existence and that ultimately i will always just disappointment myself with my own inadequacies i hate myself and the world for being the way i am i always feel so hollow like i am not even real and that i am no good to anyone it feels like my very existence is being stretched across some medieval torture […]
I’m not sure how to put this in words. today my last family member in my life said he didn’t wanna hear ne more “excuses” y my life sucks. and to me that’s just like the rest of the world. have enuf and turn away. i have a beautiful daughter. i promised her id stay with her since I’m all she has. but couple weeks ago i got caught up with a joint. and now cps all up me. my lights and water will b cut off in a couple weeks and i have no way to put heat in my house. so cps will […]
It is always the same thing. Funnily, I should say, it is always the same thing. They pretend to care. They pretend to share my sorrow. They pretend to wish me the best.
But they just don’t care. They have their little own things to worry about and I’m not a part of these little things. I’m just contingent. And why (WHY?) would they care for someone who isn’t necessary? I’ve heard it a couple of times. I’m just the depressed and anxious girl they know and I need to stop worrying and to have bright ideas. Yeah please do tell a diabetic person to stop […]
So, I don’t know from where to begin. I can’t bear the pain in my chest. I don’t know how much of this I can take before I end up in an asylum. I’m losing it, my mind..
It’s been always this way. Nothing I can do to make you stop. I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried and I… tried. Yet, nothing seems to be working. No matter how hard I try, I’ll never impress you. I’ve been strong but.. but really how much of this pain I can handle? I wonder.
I.. who have been always the good girl. Done everything you’ve asked but […]
I owe my life to you
you’ve helped me grow.
you kept me safe
on my darkest days, you were my light.
the last time I thought about taking my last breath, you were the one thing on my mind. I’ve always been vengeful, I’ve always wanted to see you suffer like you watched me – and I knew taking away something you cared about would hurt you more than anything.
two birds, one stone.
if I kill myself, it would kill you too.
but watching you smile –
hearing you breathe
makes me […]
Things are hectic. I have no control anymore. The more I tried to be normal the further away I was. I participated in “normal” activities. Yet I would always end up in the same place.
Crying my eyes out.
Alone.
In the closet.
Blade in my right hand.
Twiddling between my pointer and thumb.
Waiting for relief.
Asking whoever is listening, ‘why’.
Convincing myself not to do it.
Never believing.
Why can’t I be like all the reindeer in the reindeer games?
Red.
As many of us do, I want to commit suicide. Always have since I was about ten years old. I’m 21 now. I have a plan. I have the materials I require. I have my two, short notes written out and sealed in envelopes. But there’s a problem. See, I work at a hospital every other week. And the week that I don’t work there I do home health care with a family that I’m very close to. I know I can’t commit suicide on a whim because I can’t just not show up for work the next day. I’d have to actually plan a […]
After my divorce and being emotionally beaten down on a daily basis, I met this wonderful guy online. Things moved fast he moved in after only a couple weeks. He always had pool or guys game night and would leave his daughter with me but he always came home. I believed everything he told me….three months later he left and moved right in with this other chick. We had our huge blow up and then started sleeping together again. It’s been almost two years now and he”dates” people and even lives with them but is always hanging out with me because I claim I’m fine […]
So we’ve been assigned our first real assignment in English, and it’s to write a descriptive-narrative essay about a personal feeling or perspective that we have had that has changed through time. The only thing that I can think of is how I used to be a happy person, then I became a depressed and potentially suicidal cynic.
Personal essays have always been the hardest for me, because I honestly hate describing who I am. I also worry about whether or not my essay should meet the desires of my teacher. He likes witty, humorous writings. If he reads mine, I feel like he’ll contact […]
Not entirely sure how or what to write on here. This is a huge gamble for me as I’ve never talked to anyone about how I truly feel everyday. I guess it’s my fear of constantly being judged and viewed as “weak”. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety from a young age; about 12 or so. Unfortunately society was a lot less educated on the subject and it was just chalked up to “hormones” and “puberty”. I’ve always been incredibly shy and quiet and I was consistently bullied throughout all my childhood. I’m of mixed race and grew up in a small predominately “white” town so I […]
I was just going to post a picture on Instagram with the caption being “this has been a crappy day.” Then, I realized I just sounded like an attention whore wanting someone to ask why and understand.
My parents are mad at me. I have a 95% in math. Apparently that’s bad, so they are going to hold a parent-teacher conference. In English i have an 88%. I don’t even know why. My essay was read by teacher as an example paper to the class. I got 7 out 10 right in a pop quiz so it bought down my grade by TEN PERCENT! And on the grading […]
“Or are you just going to become a humble little butterfly”
It’s just me and little Leroy; always has
The only thing that’s right in hell is the ground
Chained, masked, neck to the boulder
Humble white death, utter-doom-child of all calamity
The insulin, the insulin
The saga in the year of the Horse, dark
Taken, under the ‘Blood-Moon’
But fate was already written
My little Leroy, your pure cosmic soul
Will you transfer through, our tears of ours lives
You are my forever, transfer the data
Leroy The Number One, I love you
Nobody knows our history, it was just you and me
Forever and the after, you will always […]
Although I didn’t know her, she is the second person in the media to commit suicide recently. She was a singer and Robin Williams also passed away recently.
Most of us try to commit suicide, think about it or know someone who does but it always sad to see someone go…
Some of this could be prevented if only someone would care enough and help one another along the way….
At least for me, I know if someone have me a hug every now and then, […]
I wanna kill myself, I have a method by jumping off the Golden Gate, I’ve gone 3 times already, but I can’t seem to do it. I’m scared to jump because of chance of surviving and feeling the agonizing pain, although, the survival ratio is low and also, if I back out, I’ll just make a big scene. Now to why, I wanna do this act. I’ve been depressed for years do to having a dysfunctional family, always being a failure at everything I do; I don’t seem to have a future. A few years passed and I had to move to a new city, […]
I am waiting.
I’m feeling super pissed now. I know. I’ll eventually crumble. I’ve always hated the end of the year. Worst. Memories ever.
I’m waiting.
For a worse memory to appear. For my anger and rage to dissipate, to be replaced by an abyss of hopelessness and regret. To be replaced by self hate. To push everyone away from me, from my own incompetence in life. To be angry at myself for doing so and repeat the whole cycle.
I’m waiting.
For a time where my life does not have this cycle. I wish I could kill people, but first I’d kill myself.
I’m waiting.
Till I am called by my […]