I feel like a half person. I feel totally incomplete and fake. I am living life, waiting for the next day, waiting for happiness. I feel so fake. I am at a job that hasnt really started yet, all we’re doing is training. And i feel like everyone there feels things, has energy. I want that. And im in a relationship where i feel selfish because im not sure i actually want him, i think maybe i just want a person to listen to me or to talk to. Im in love with my buddy who i hook up with sometimes and who loves me […]
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so my life started to begin to turn into hell when i reached the age of 4. my mom, who is asian (I’m not being racist, I’m saying that our culture heavily emphasizes the importance of education to the point its life or death, and i think that there is a limit but not according to my family.) introduced me to a tutor. i know that it doesn’t sound bad, but i promise you, its hell. I’m not the kid who complains about homework, not at all. as my life progressed, my family was a prideful family. too prideful. for example, when my brother started […]
sometimes i just want to die! as most of us fucking do but seriously whats the point? to show everyone our life was shit? to let them win? well no thats fucking bullshit if we want to die its their fault and if we do kill ourselves that means that u r letting them win! dont you want to prove to these douche bags that we can achieve our dreams and that we arent worthless and even if we were sexually harrassed, or abused, or just treated terribly, or r strugging with depression dont u want to prove the rest of the world wrong? stay […]
when i was here last it was my birthday and i was quite certain that it was my last day . a lot has happened since then that i think you all may find at least interesting if not useful. i was quite determined to kill myself-had the means, a location(not going to mess up my own home), wrote instructions as to what i wanted for a funeral, gotten my affairs in order etc. i wrote here, told everyone what i was going to do, then left the house. got to my location, sat down and wrote in my journal, called my (then) therapist leaving […]
This time of year always fucks me up, the goddamn school year is starting again. I don’t know, when I look back, the year don’t seem so bad but its the before and during that makes me wanna kill myself? If that makes any sense? Like the anticipation of knowing my anxiety levels will be off the roof again? Knowing that I will be aware of every move and word that comes from my mouth? Knowing that nothing really matters yet I fuckin care and make myself think that I need to impress and make sure people don’t get a hint that I actually want […]
I hate being black ever since i was a kid im now a 25yrd guy plus im short im 5″8 no body wants me. I tried talking to this girl but she said that she wouldnt date me becuase her mother didnt like black ppl and i could tell she didnt eather this is partly why i want to burn my color off.god cursed me with this ugly body now im going to get out of it by setting myself on fire
where do i start?
How about with the life everyone thought i had – hell i even deluded myself into believing it for awhile – and then the rape and then the child and i can’t say if the 2 happened at the same time and now that grown little girl is crying her eyes out over a tiny cut her Mother made on her wrist- she called her brother – didn’t ask me anything… I don’t blame her – I wasn’t there for her like i should have been – ever.. I’ve tried to be there now – but she saw the cut – it […]
I cant stop crying right now….. I used to be depressed and i have been clean for the past few months.. Thinking thay the summer would make everything better. It didn’t i started cutting again and had to hide my scars with my ankle bracelet and my mom has seen them and she yelled at me but stopped caring. Nowone cares anymore and im always spending my time alone…… My mom is alwyas telling me that im screwing up all of the time and she always gets mad at everything i do. And i dont think i can wait till senior year to be free […]
Didn’t get what i needed
But i talked to someone and it calmed me down
Im still here- scared as hell.. feel like shit
But I want you to know that your comments (on my last post) today – i read them and they matter to me. Thank you
When you feel so alone and cut off its hard to see anything but the darkness..its around me and in me – its trying to win and i’m trying to fight.. i want to give up so badly but something keeps me here… Right now, i keep running to my room for solace- i have panic attacks and the feeling of overwhelming dread […]
May be triggering, but need help
so I am 14 going on 15 and i was adopted when I was 2 from ukraine (I was born premature, and then was dumped on the street by my mom when I was a month old) I was brought to the states and then my mom and dad started to abuse me. Physically at first and then when I was 5 my dad started sexually abusing me and my brother started when I was 8. This is continuing to this day. For about the past 3 years I have been suffering from ptsd and has had multiple suicide […]
Hi im an introvert and i dont like people. im blunt and not very compassionate especially towards myself. I dont like myself and I dont know why. Ive cut before and have hurt others who dont understand what it is like to be me. I do care but i act like i dont. I feel alone even though i know i have people who love me. I dont know if others feel this way. Theres a lot of things that have hapend throughout my life people dont seem to understand. They think its a phase or just a way of acting out. Im talking to […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbgdCzGfFt4
today we finished bringing all of my stuff back to my old room where i grew up, in my parents’ house. for two years i tried escaping this place, and six months ago i succeeded. then depression took hold of me once again, and now i’m back here. crushed between these four walls i’m hurt. i can’t handle the bureaucracy ending the contract of my old place. i am tired. i am broken. it feels like the world is slipping through my fingers. i need a quiet place to put my head for a while and forget about everything, and the old house isn’t […]
Hey guys,
I have been suicidal for about 4 months now. And i have been cutting for the past one month.
It all started with this girl, who i liked but who didnt even think of me as a friend, and she had and still has a boyfriend. I started feeling useless and i talked to her, got to know her, i fell for her harder and i feel like shit all the time.
i dont have many friends, and it doesn’t help. I cant talk to my parents about this.
More importantly, i am in +2 rn, so college from next year. And i have practically stopped studying […]
its like i feel like screaming and crying and destroying everything but at the same time i just want to curl up and die silently and i want everyone to see me and care but i want to be alone and have no one even know i exist. its confusing and scary and i cant tell ANYONE my dad couldnt care less about anything to do with me and my friends dont need the added stress
Ever since this early year, i have this goal to inspire people and be inspired. I want to help people as many as i can, because i know how it feels like to be helpless. I want to emphatise for them, and it is also strangely a way for me to cope with my problems.
I found this website and i thought, hey this is perfect for me, i can safely tell my insecurities and what a major fucked up i am, and i can support people although they may not notice.
I want to inspire people and clearly that goal has not been reached yet, afterall […]
Ive made mental lists physical lists of pros and cons. Ive tried to envision how my choice impacts all others. Will it be better or worse for them? Will i truly be better off? I know im tired of hurting and fighting and some people in my estimation will be better off. That’s one of the hard parts of struggling with suicidal thoughts. Unlike other big decisions you cant honestly consult close friends or experts and get good useful feedback like you can with other big decisions. I know i want to stop hurting and i dont want others to hurt either by my continued […]
I am a 16 year old girl (will be 17 in 2 days), and well, what can i say, i am depressed and have suicidal tendencies.
Though i probably have everything, perfect scores, bunch of friends, money, and complete family, i feel this emptiness inside me. Every single day i know and i feel that something is eating away my hope inside me. I dont have the spark in my eyes anymore. I’d cry my eyes out until i fall asleep, i overthink it kills me, and i am highly emotional. I get angry and sad in a matter of seconds.
Perfect scores doesnt mean im happy. […]
i have cut for along time but my boyfriend is starting to get on me about why? how come i wanna die? i know that i feel fat nasty gross annoying! i feel like im always in the way! life is kicking me in the butt!! i grew up at a young age and i had to always be strong but now i dont sleep at night!! i feel alone all the time! but i dont wanna talk to people about my issues because i feel that they are stupid and i shouldnt be freaking about them! i dont know how to feel! can i […]
okay so I’m a 15 year old girl( I turn 16, in just over a week) and instead of being absolutely over whelmed with excitement for my birthday, which’ll be spent with friends and false happiness. But nonetheless right now all I’m filled with is a numbness and thoughts that are bad and time consuming.
Its not a new feeling to me considering I’ve been feeling suicidal since I was 10 ( which was the first time I tried to suffocate myself ), the feelings have never really abandoned me, and i always feel like I’m stuck with them. It didn’t help that earlier this year, […]
This is my first post so bear with me if i make a mistake. My name is Curtis, Im 14 year old male and this is my story. My parents split when i was 3 and i never thought much about it and when i reached Grade 4 my dad came back into my life. I was so happy i couldn’t believe it i missed him so much. After a year and a bit it was October of my Grade 5 yead and it was my weekend to see my father. When i arrived i went to my room to sleep cuz it was late […]