Stupid fucking iphone keeps fuckig crashing wont let me go to sp im so fucking pisssed of it just wants me to choke out and cut myself just to taste it fuck u piece shit i fuckmin hate you. Why cant i be eith jasmine fuck u. I need some fuckig weed you ****** this aint helping me i bet fucking safari is gonna crash n my iphone is gonna be completely smashed by morning fuck. Wheres my fucking hubby bars. You favgot i wanna grab a nife n test out cutting i just might witg this mugh anger inside me im so irritated and […]
Well if the title doesn’t say it all today sucked for me,well this is what happened. I’m on my break idk why but yea a week of no school ends today 🙁 I decided to hang with my best friend J and my girlfriend A and we started off at the mall ten we went to A’s house and stayed there a while. While at A’s house I was texting J’s crush B and we started secretly talking and A asked what we were saying and I int know what to do so I said no because B used to be her ex so […]
I just feel I’m not worthy of living.
People who live should want to live. They should be happy and should want to accomplish things.
Ive posted about my lists before, that was not really a success. (understatement)
Since Im very chaotic, sigh, I lost my original lists. Which lead to a panic attack caus I cant stand losing things. So I made new ones. And it bothers me really much that I dont know what exactly was on the original lists.. but anyway I’ll just add the things I forgot now later.
I thought I could maybe share the lists this time.
Reasons to die:
I am selfish;
I am ugly. […]
Pain…its not the sharp or intense pain that is experienced when first separating the skin. No, it’s the dull, deep, and gnawing pain after cutting too deep and you’re waiting for the incision to heal. It’s the long week(s) of paranoia and wearing long sleeves in the summer hoping no one will notice or if they do, praying that they don’t call you out. That’s what it has felt like for me this past month…and i am not quite sure what to think about it all….
Ahh… the bitter sweet recognition of failure. Realizing that all you ever were was in reality, nothing at all… Seeing […]
I’m afraid to speak my own name
For it has been tarnished.
Life is a stern mistress
And I will forever be punished.
Time can never mend
These broken bones and burnt flesh.
The past is haunting.
It grants me no rest.
My character now is poor
Harsh and uninviting.
Anger consumed my body.
Now, my heart is dying.
The rain casts a heavy weight
On this, my weakened umbrella.
But still, I hope
To reunite with the old Daniella.
Last night my dad went crazy at my mum for no apparent reason.  Its been going on for 15 years and its been haunting me all my life . My dad has anger problems (and also smokes weed) and because of this i am afraid of other people who do to so im afraid to talk to people.  Because of the argument my parents had last night i wanted to run away so my dad could realise that im not happy with the way hes acting but i couldnt run away cause i was too much as a pussey.  Im a very quiet person so […]
Dear Everyone who feels like committing suicide,
I feel like I have an answer. I can’t guarentee it will work. But you have to try it first ok. Just promise, you’ll try.
Hi everyone,my advice is try to learn God for yourself. In order to know God you first have to know Jesus. Only through Jesus can you be healed. Trust me. It might sound crazy but it’s true.
Trust me, i know. I’m not that religious and allmy life i have been the loner, awkward black girl that no one ever really noticed. almost every guy i ever wanted to love rejected me and […]
    (the following is a letter I recently wrote in serious consideration with my personal thoughts. Sorry its not Hollywood style beautiful, but it is how I am feeling at the moment)
My dearest family, friends and anyone else that this letter may find its way too… This, in the end, may b worth nothing more then a bad joke because there r no words I can say to express how sorry I am… Sorry that I was blind to the blessings I already had and was selfish enough to think my problems were all that mattered. Sorry that I […]
So, I guess i’ll tell you about myself. My name is Zoe. spelled Zoe pronounced Zoey. Iv’e always been a happy kid. or so everyone thinks so. no one really knows how i feel. they don’t bother to look past the smiles and see the constant pain and emptyness I feel. I shouldnt be complaining though, ive got a roof over my head, clothes on my back, family and friends. BUT IM NOT HAPPY!
When I was young, and id get stressed or sad, id bite myself and scream into my arm until I felt relieved. It always left a big mark.. it felt good. […]
people ask me why im so angry, when theywant to know me, i tell them they cant know me,for one i dont even know myself,usualyy when i think i figured it out things go down hill, i turn my hurt into anger cause it feels better then pain to me,i dont trust anyone,i push people away cause i want to hurt them before they hurt me,cause i cant take the damage,i wear masks,i never act how i really feel,this is what life fucking did to me,if i ever become something great in life im gonna fuck everyone that has hurt me over,my rage is hidden […]
I’m new here so I guess I’ll start with some history. I have three half-blood brothers, and one full-blood brother. I have one half-blood sister and a woman I consider to be my sister, but really isn’t. My parents passed away. My mother when I was two. My dad when I was eight. I was molested when I was nine. I lived with a very sadistic and controlling woman for about four years. I then moved in with my brother, when I was twelve. He taught me how to live, how to love, and how to be a good person. I’m now in college. I’m […]
Each day I feel more insecure and ashamed of myself. I see my scars. I hate my scars, but I continue to cut. I regret it the next day and I get angry at myself.. and what do I do to release the anger, I cut. It’s like an on going cycle. I used to swim and play sports, but now I avoid public places.. and continue to hide who I really am. There is so much behind my fake smile.
I’m terrible at expressing my feelings in person.. I just choke up.. I feel like I will be judged or rejected. I want […]
Ah, it’s not going better.. 7 days. 7 days without my best-friend and lover… 7 days..
I’m just 7 days without him and i can’t imagine more 80 years like that… Why we couldn’t just be happy?
You guys are speaking here about wish to die and so on, but i am sorry… i am hurted as hell and when i type here i feel like i talked with someone…
Now, when i don’t feel any anger, black minds and so on – all i do is remembering our perfect moments..
And it’s not good, because im going back to suffer again. But the good thing i’m not blaming […]
Sometimes I love so truly and deeply that I forget about myself.Â
The person I am with becomes everything to me. I put them first in everything I do. However, I never have this love returned to me. So I question whether it is right for me to love this way. The price I pay for this love is myself. In return what I get is pain. So is it right to love this way? May be not.Â
The reason why I love this way is because if I don’t wake up tomorrow, then I will know that I have done everything that was within my power […]
Me, I’m scared. I’m still a young little girl and I’m going threw things I wish I wasn’t. To adults, they think its my fault. I’m starting to think maybe it is. Its ME who is struggling ,I make myself struggle. I try to “Love” but there is no love for any young girl. Theres only lust. And if you have love, your a lucky son of a *****. I want to feel love. because everyone I date I say I’m in love but I’m n0t. Could it be that I just started dating?. I struggle with pain, anger, sadness and more .  But why, why me. […]
              Â
I fucking live off coffee and cigarettes, to be honest i just don’t give a shit , thats deff another lie, affirmed by my predisposition to cry. I claim to be emotionless when really I’m overrun by it. You all see a smile, but not whats inside, its just a mask i use to hide. I’m giving you what you want, now its up to you to conceive, in reality it has nothing to do with me. Over the years I’ve grown to see , that you don’t want to […]
I keep a very brave face on. I’m an easy-going person, and most people take me for what they see. Someone who is generally happy, who knows who they are and accepts everything they are as well. And for the times they see me, that’s generally true. The more people I’m around, the more confident I tend to be. The biggest problems they think I have is a lack of sleep, and I put a lot of effort into helping them think that. Someone at work messed up, a harmless mistake, and they were talking about whether I was mad or not. Everyone immediately said […]
I want to do it.
On monday, im planning again…. Apart from this time i haven’t made the mistake of telling ‘Everyone’. So my intention is to travel to a bridge…and you can probably guess the rest….
Life has not gotten better, its gotten worse? My OCD has. Fear of things are coming back…and my hands can tell you that, they don’t appreciate soap as much as i thought they would….
My family know ‘Everything’…at least thats what they think, they’re some things i havent told anyone….and probably never will….It has just made life awkward, and the arguements don’t stop, either about me or about my dad.
My new […]
i hate my family sometimes. family are supposed to be the ones who support you no matter what. not my family. member of my family will turn on you as soon as they have something solid enough to use against you, and tear you down. my family is all about power and control. they need to have control over each other. even if it makes the ones being controlled miserable and suicidal. they don’t care. at this point i would love to kill myself in front of my mom just to spite her ass. she so horrible to me sometimes. she knows how fragile, and […]
i cut. not too much. i wasnt gonna do as much as i did. but its not too much i dont think. it doesnt seem so bad to me really. well ill just post a few pctures of it. so yeah thats it. i find them to be beautiful. please dont judge me.
