Ever since I was born, I have always been a shy person. I would try to ignore my own feelings to help others. In fact, I was forced to at such a young age since my friends were all a few months younger than me. Therefore, since I was the eldest, I was the one who got reprimanded and to my young mind, did everything wrong. This idea was reinforced by my mother shouting at both me and my dad a lot. My dad and her yelled at each other every night. They tried to hide it from me, but I was a poor sleeper. […]
Tag:
Attempts
I’m 14 and I’ve already had 4 suicide attempts. Is that bad?
 THUS SPOKE ZARATHUSTRA
THE FLIES IN THE MARKET-PLACE
Flee, my friend, into your solitude! I see you deafened with the noise of the great men, and stung all over with the stings of the little ones.
Admirably do forest and rock know how to be silent with you. Resemble again the tree which you love, the broad-branched one – silently and attentively it overhangs the sea.
Where solitude ends, there begins the market-place; and where the market-place begins, there begins also the noise of the great actors, and the buzzing of the poison-flies.
In the world even the best things are worthless without those who represent them: those showmen, the […]
THUS SPOKE ZARATHUSTRA
THE TREE ON THE HILL
Zarathustra’s eye had perceived that a certain youth avoided him. And as he walked alone one evening over the hills surrounding the town called “The Motley Cow,” behold, there he found the youth sitting leaning against a tree, and gazing with wearied look into the valley. Zarathustra thereupon laid hold of the tree beside which the youth sat, and spoke thus:
“If I wished to shake this tree with my hands, I should not be able to do so. But the wind, which we see not, troubles and bends it as it tilts. We are sorest bent and troubled by invisible hands.”
Thereupon the youth […]
I have been so pissed off all day and i’m not over exaggerating. Im getting sick and tired of people using me, abusing me, and making me feel like nothing and im sorry.. yea.. im sorry. im just gonna like.. emotionally detatch myself from everything. you know, my depression is getting bad again. I am regressing into a deeper depression than i was before. and i can feel it not only in my mind but in my heart.. and its killing me. my meds are making me crzy… and .. i just dont know anymore.I wanted to try and be happy but everything just keeps […]
She seems harmless enough, has the same problems as me, suicidal the same kind of tastes and personality but she is fragile and vulnerable to a point that exceeds my own, so i wonder……would it be such a terrible thing to be with her, would we crumble and end up destroying ourselves because we couldn’t handle each others sadness and attempts, would this relationship be a bad thing?
would we be harmless or harmful together, i do not yet know, i feel as though when meds come i will get better and she may too and then we could conquer this hard part of life together […]
In 1993 I committed suicide. It came after years of attempts, and it came not from a long, considered planning process but by sheer circumstance. Looking for one thing I found another. A precursor of sorts. Combined with something else at hand the deed was done. Just before losing consciousness the phone rang. Not knowing I was about to pass out I answered the phone. Then I passed out. When I woke up in an ICU the next day I was angry. So angry that I ripped out the IVs and stalked out of the unit with a gaggle of nurses trailing behind me. I […]
It was during Christmas break last year, when I couldnt stand my life anymore. My stepparents left so i was locked in my room. when they leave my friend would come over. That day i thought she was practicing with her band. I then busted my door open, ran to my parents bedroom and grabbed my stepmothers sleeping pills. It was an entire bottle, 250 pills. I then i drew a bath. i got into the bathtup, took all of the pills and slit my wrist. If you slit your wrists and submerge them in water you’ll bleed out faster. FROM THIS POINT ON […]
I’m not sure why I’m still here. My attempts at suicide are failures and it’s starting to make me think about more effective attempts. But I want to stay. I want to see my future. I just want out of the present. I feel numb, tired, and weak. I go through the days avoiding people and just trying to find ways to make each day go by. I feel broke down inside. I’m  still in high school and living with my parents. I’m gay but don’t know how to tell them. I had a gay friend over once, my dad told me not to talk […]
This can’t be right, this has to be a nightmare, a bad dream, induced by too many pieces of Halloween candy. I have to be seven years old, eight years old, tossing and turning in my bed. This cannot be my life, it shouldn’t be. I’m 14 years old and I’m a self-harmer, a ‘cutter,’ though I’d rather say I cut myself. The scars on my skin are mysteriously starting to fade, not that you’d know it. You’d take a glimpse at my unscarred arms, glance at the armband on my right wrist that never comes off. You might think for a moment that my […]
I am sick of the bullshit that people say to me about suicide. All are invalid or just something they say because they dont know what to say.
“it gets better” – are you personally guaranteeing that? in reality it can also and more likely get WORSE
“someone loves you stay alive for them” – If suicide is selfish isn’t demanding someone to stay for you despite their pain and misery even more selfish?
“suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” – unless of course the problem is permanent then the solution is perfect. I dont think a temporary solution for a permanent problem is very […]
I like fighting, as a sport and life I guess. I really want it all to end. But I can’t bring myself to end it, I really want something out of my control to give me a fight I can’t win for my demise. Apparently that’s tougher than it seems, I’ve been hit by 2 cars in 1 week and it left me with little more than some bruises. I’ve survived 7 attempts (apparently I’m bad at it) and numerous accidents growing up and I wake up almost astonished that I’m still on the planet. I seriously walk around miserable and I can’t do anything […]
seriously I think I’m losing it. It’s like my mind is eating itself with bad thoughts and I don’t think I can handle it at this point. I need to feel nothing at this point. I can’t bring myself to commit suicide at this point, I have too many failed attempts to mess up again. I just kind of want to not exist? but never have existed I think is a more accurate term. I see my therapist on Wed. but I don’t know how it will go, I think he is going to give me skills to cope which I don’t know how that […]
I’m not sure how to say this, I’ve never posted on something like this before. But I quit.
I’m turning 18 in almost 2 weeks, but I don’t think I’ll last that long. I’m depressed, I have been for a while, but instead of accepting that and finding a way to cope with it, my dad is ignoring it. I really noticed it after my mom passed away a year and a half ago. Granted, it’s normal to be sadder than usual during that time, I realize this. To try and cheer up, I tried looking back at the time before we learned she had cancer, […]
I’ve read lots of posts here over the last two years..
It seems like there are a lot of failed attempts..
so, without any ill intentions on my part..
Do random things just go wrong or something?
I’ve always been too scared to try because I know myself..
I’m a VERY huge perfectionist.. not toward others, just things I do..
So I know very well that I will not fail if I try..
That’s why I’ve never tried because I still have a small small hope..
and as long as I still have that tiny hope(even if that same tiny hope
feels so hollow or totally gone some days), I won’t try it yet..
So […]
I’m here today because I’m feeling extra depressed. Yesterday I actually counted my attempts and I realized I’m up to 7. What do you do when the only person in your life that ever made you happy doesn’t want to be with you? They tell you they love you and still care about you but are determined not to be with you. After all the promises we made about never letting something like this happen and she did it anyway. I can’t recall any dream I’ve ever had but now I dream every single night about her. Happy dreams where shes with me, then I […]
And I have no idea why I’m posting it here but, I am. I’m exhausted. The only true smile that has come to my face in the past few years was just before my attempt several weeks ago – the rest of the time it has been this forced curvature which, I must say, I’ve become quite the expert at creating. The sadness. The consistent failures. The burden I’ve been to so many for so long. Iit’s just so tiring.
For almost 30 days I’ve had no contact with anyone in my personal life save three individuals one being my “brother” who lives quite literally thousands […]
Well, I’ve been depressed for 6 months now. I’ve been on this site for 3 months. My life fell apart during the first month of this year. I’m cutting my loses and trying to move on. I’ve actually made attempts to try to better myself as a person. I’m been going to psychiatrist for 3 months. I’ve decided on taking driving courses. I’ve also went back to the gym. Still, life bullshit keeps raining down on me and I’m finding out that I am my biggest hurdle. I look in the mirror and I see an enemy. I’ve messed up more times then I can […]
i have been depressed and suicidal for almost 4 years now. i am currently 14 years old. i have attempted suicide around 20 times (no attempts in recent year). i have frown tired of life, and i no longer feel as though i have a place on earth anymore. i promised myself that i wouldnt do it, but i can not keep that promise much longer. i dont know what to do, i am losing control and i dont even mind it.
I apologise for following such beautiful song lyrics from The Hunger Games with such a negative post.. but I feel this encapsulates the way I’m feeling exactly.
Let me take you on a journey. 19 years ago, my Mother began to emotionally and sometimes physically abuse me over the course of my life. In my eyes, I never had a Mother. I never grew up being nurtured and receiving that maternal, unconditional love. 4 years ago, my Mother physically ‘bashed me up’, in need of a better statement. I left her immediately, I left my little siblings, my friends, comfort, my school, I left EVERYTHING that […]
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