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Nostalgia: Part 1

by InhalingAnxiety 11/19/2015

written by InhalingAnxiety

Nostalgia: Part 1

The other day, a song came across my iPod that I haven’t heard since high school. At first I was like, “Wow, I love this song. It’s been so long since I’ve heard it.” Then it reminded me how much simpler things were for me then. I didn’t have as many responsibilities, my depression wasn’t nearly as bad then as it is today, etc.

But when I hear a song I listened to after a fight with my parents, friends, or after a breakup, I would start feeling that pain again. I would remember how much I was hurting and it was almost like I […]

11/19/2015 2 comments

forgive&forget.

by L0STgirl 11/19/2015

written by L0STgirl

the bruises they fade, and the scars disappear. yet I’m stuck here hurt beyond disbelieve, looking for answers I can’t find within myself. the memories burn in the back of my mind and come creeping back any chance they get. the way her hands hit my face so effortlessly, or the way degrading words flew out of her mouth. I never felt so small, so afraid. I lay there helplessly on the ground, pleading for what seemed like my life, but not even that would stop her. then the next day would come and there would be flowers, or a heartfelt letter apologizing. I knew […]

11/19/2015 1 comment

Dreams better than reality? Why Dream is better than reality? Why is Dreams better than reality?

by niki 11/19/2015

written by niki

Why Dreams is better than reality?
Why is Dream better than reality?
Why is dreams better than reality? Why dream is better than reality?

What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality / human’s fantasy is better than reality.

for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi / sci fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, MMORPG , Interstellar , The Matrix , Avengers , X-Men , etc etc, they are much more interesting, full […]

11/19/2015 1 comment

My teen years

by nicole123 11/18/2015

written by nicole123

Thinking about my teen years makes me really sad . When I was a little younger a lot of my friends were couple of years older then me, in their 20s. And I did a lot of drugs with them.. Too much lsd and psychedelics, cocaine, smoked a lot of weed, pills. yeah you get the point . I honestly started not to care as a teen and after I was off drugs I was always really sad . I didnt have really friends when I went through this stage . I remember a time when I took a Xanax and two tabs of acid and […]

11/18/2015 2 comments

I’m scared

by nicole123 11/18/2015

written by nicole123

I’m scared . I’m in a happy state right now . I have been for a week or so . But I know that in about a couple weeks or a month I will go back to being really depressed . I know it will get worse . It does every time . My brain is so weird .

11/18/2015 3 comments

by nicole123 11/18/2015

written by nicole123

For anyone who has manic depression like I do… Or bipolar you know is a complete mess . Well depression is a huge mess honestly . Love this song. Makes me wish I lived back in the days to see him.

11/18/2015 4 comments

Venting

by Trix 11/17/2015

written by Trix

Hi everyone. 🙂

The short version of this is I might not be on SP as much in the future. The longer version is just a vent about everything that’s been going on lately.

It seems surreal to me that only a couple of months ago I was texting a friend to say I thought I was starting to recover from depression. I’ve said it twice in the last five to six years. Things started to get worse again this time when my ME/CFS got worse. That seems to be improving now, although it’s been up and down lately, but the depression is still going downhill.

I cut […]

11/17/2015 22 comments

All the pain

by Cro0kedYoung 11/16/2015

written by Cro0kedYoung

Its not suicide I’m scared of, its what might happen if I don’t succeed.

What would my mother do? Would she pretend that it didn’t happen just like when she found out I had hurt myself a few years back? Would she disown me? Or would she be there for me and get me professional help?

What would my friends do? Would they call me an attention whore? Would they completely bail on me? Or would they stay with me and help me?

And school. What would happen with school? Would I get looked down upon my all of my teachers? Would they not take any notice at the fact that […]

11/16/2015 6 comments

It wasn’t so bad

by disgusting 11/15/2015

written by disgusting

Only one reply? Ya’ll must be disgusted and disappointed with me. Yes I know I did bad. I went back to see how it would be. And it wasn’t so bad this time. Started off slow and little communication but picked up later on when the roommates showed up they’re actually cool people and I’m getting better at talking in a group and not sounding like a fucking idiot so that’s good too. But yeah I’m a sucker because I went back, brought food, and ended up rearranging my financial schedule a little to cover him for a little bit of bud because he gets […]

11/15/2015 2 comments

Physically Here, Spiritually Away

by away 11/15/2015

written by away

I was temporarily away. Everything came to be too much, leaving me bedridden for a few days. I slept so much that my bed began to stink and my body began to rot, in a sense.

I really didn’t want to return. I had left behind a huge mess, thinking that I was finally going to exit for good and consequently avoid it.

But, unfortunately, I’m still here. My method was poorly carried out that Wednesday morning.

So, fine. Physically, I’m here. I’m present. On this planet, I have mass.

Spiritually, though, I’m gone. I’m away. I’m not “beyond”, but I am absent.

When I came back the next week, […]

11/15/2015 0 comment

I never thought this would happen to me…

by Lawli 11/14/2015

written by Lawli

When I was a little kid I didn’t understand why people would be so sad and depressed, I didn’t understand any of this. I thought they just needed to tough up.

Now I am a 15 year old and all I want to do is disappear. I want to just leave and sethre all the relationships I have. I don’t want to die but I would die to disappear.

Last year when I was 14 I started getting severely depressed, but then I didn’t know what depression was. I just wanted to start running away and never turn back, I wanted to disappear so badly I would […]

11/14/2015 2 comments

Near the end

by Timetogo502 11/13/2015

written by Timetogo502

I lived with this disease for many years and have yet to achieve peace. I have been able to hide it from many people by pushing them away when it gets bad. I want to leave so badly to make it all end, but I don’t have it in me (yet) to leave my young son. I know my wife is planning on leaving me and due to my condition, she will get full custody. I am not really sure what to do. Part of me wants to pack a bag & head somewhere to make it all go away and the other part is […]

11/13/2015 3 comments

Don’t forget

by Ali 11/12/2015

written by Ali

To all the people reading these, I would like to ask you to do something before you think about/try to commit suicide. Think about the people you love, friends, family, crushes who ever you love. Now think about all things you haven’t done yet that you want to do, anything to reading a certain book or skydiving or even sex. Think about it, you can’t do any of things you want to do when you’re dead, right? So why waste it? Stay alive for the people you love because they most likely love you back even more! Stay alive for all the things you want […]

11/12/2015 29 comments

Fuck this fucking shit

by Blackdog 11/12/2015

written by Blackdog

The only thing that holds me back is destroying my family and those who love me. My mom would be absolutely devastated. My suicide would probably kill her. And I don’t want to leave my dog either. But sometimes I’m like fuck it all, I don’t care anymore. And then I feel really selfish.
I don’t know if I can take it much longer. I’m gonna tell my therapist about my suicidal thoughts for the first time tomorrow (at least I’m gonna try).

Right now I feel I’m a really weak person. I fucking hate myself.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. […]

11/12/2015 8 comments

The black holes back

by lissbabe 11/10/2015

written by lissbabe

The problem is when you think you overcome the depression it just comes back 2x harder. I keep thinking about different ways of how I could escape this life and end up dead. I’m stuck in this black hole again and I’ve sunk even deeper then before I don’t even see anyway of getting out and I’m even scaring myself with how I’m isolating myself , I’m normally the girl that will do anything for a dare and I do crazy stuff because I know how short life is.

11/10/2015 2 comments

My Love

by InhalingAnxiety 11/10/2015

written by InhalingAnxiety

I don’t know if I love you anymore. I mean, I do love you, but I don’t know if I love you like I used to. After four years together, maybe we’re just in a rut or routine. I enjoy doing things with you–going places, playing games, conversing, but I don’t feel romantically drawn to you anymore. I also don’t feel drawn to anyone else though either. I still love you as a person, but not as a lover most of the time. I don’t know if you’re holding back romantically to let me deal with my issues, or because you’re feeling the same. I just […]

11/10/2015 1 comment

for all of us

by jano.11 11/9/2015

written by jano.11

we guys deserve a much better life .. and we should get it ,, we need to help and to be helped .. we need to rise and will rise .. we need ourlives back and we will take it and pass it to each other .. we will never come down .. we are the uncoming down .. we are the strongest with our hearts .. we are the uncoming down … we are who we are … i pass this for each one of you .. wishing it will help you in time that nothing is helping me .. god bless you […]

11/9/2015 7 comments

Loving You makes me Hate Myself

by Harlot.Rebel 11/8/2015

written by Harlot.Rebel

I could say that im stuck between moving back home and stay here and going to a shelter but im not. I don’t want to run back home after you hurt me for the millionth time…again i believed your lies at first. Then i knew they where lies but hoped maybe its not a lie this time. You say we can work it out but you cause me pain.. I dont hurt you.. If we switched roles.. If i lied throughout our whole relationship..maybe you would understand. Being with you adding more things to the list that triggers my ptsd. I hate myself for loving […]

11/8/2015 1 comment

date passed

by melodychild 11/8/2015

written by melodychild

the date has passed

The date I set to die

Reallized I wasn’t ready

Hadn’t gotten my things in order

My room wasn’t cleaned

My suicide notes not perfected

And now I’m sitting here

Wondering if I should do it at all

Should I really give up on life?

Only I can answer that

I don’t want to continue on like this

And I’m too afraid to change

Scared I’ll end up back here like every other time

Scared that they’re right

I can’t do it

I’m too scared to make a move either way

Too scared to change

To scared to end it

I’m lost

I don’t know what to do

I keep waiting for an answer to present itself

But I know the answer […]

11/8/2015 6 comments

Waste of space. How I wish I could end my life but I am too big of a wimp. Vent

by lilsmore 11/7/2015

written by lilsmore

Hello.

This may be long or short. I don’t know yet…and I apologize for my grammar ahead of time. I do have two college degrees but they aren’t doing me any good so no reason to try and type correctly, eh?

I have some vague memory of creating an account here at some point and I may have posted something. I was obviously drunk when I did. I have read a lot here and it has been quite awhile since I have visited. I was very serious about suicide last year and even made a few lame attempts…and nothing that got me landed in a psychiatric ward.

I […]

11/7/2015 3 comments

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