This lady came to my school today and talked about the dangers of dark magic. She talked about demon possession and how she was able to conjure spirits when she was in high school. I find it all entirely fascinating, but I am getting far too caught up in the dark world for it to be safe anymore. I feel constantly trapped in darkness and emptiness. I am never happy anymore. I have nothing to live for. I stopped using drugs and cutting nearly six weeks ago, and everything has grown worse, instead of better, since then. Everything is a constant battle. Far too often, […]
Tag:
Blade
stop all of the dreams,
and start all the nightmares,
Listen, to them scream.
but nothing is there,
your all I’ve got,
your my only hope.
but now even you
seem to be cutting the rope.
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it’s a fucking mess
and there’s no escape.
my wrists are red.
someone save me.
drowning in this sea,
this sea of blood.
death stole innocence,
with the bang of a gun!
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with every breath you take,
you want to stop it all.
the blade is your friend,
it helps you when you fall.
love is a joke,
your only love is rope,
it made you a […]
I’m desperate.
For excuses.
For reasons.
For encouragement.
Every night I have to convince myself not to do something drastic.
I have to look at myself in the mirror, and I have to lecture myself for so long just to tell myself not to cut, not to think terrible thoughts, not to attempt suicide, not to cry, not to do anything that harms myself.
I think I’m losing myself.
I’m not feeling as how I used to.
I can’t stay happy. I fake a smile when I’m in school.
But I don’t talk. People talk to me, and I nod as a sign that I’m listening. I’m done with talking.
I don’t know if I’m […]
For me It’s been too long.
To long from feeling the rush of the blade while it slides down my wrist splitting the skin.
Too long from helping deal with this.
Too long have I lived and breathed.
Too long have I stopped myself from ending all pain thinking it can get better.
I’ve been thinking for too long about ending it all.
It’s time to take action.
Time to start planning my get away.
Time to start saying my goodbyes.
Time to start telling all those people that they’ve done their part,
They’ve succeeded in making me feel worthless.
Time to start playing life […]
I have been cutting since my 7th grade year. I don’t really know why I started  or what caused me to feel cutting was a good way out. All I know is that I used cutting as an escape for my pain which then turned to an addicting habit. A girl I knew, Raiyanne used to put small razor blades in her compact mirror and cut whenever she needed a release at school. I don’t know why I decided to cut but that became my way of doing it. My wrists are scarred up so bad from cutting that I’m not even sure how I […]
Being a science major in high school …..its hard….i cut but i know im anaemic ……i dont eat even i know i may get an ulcer …i pass out at nights because i am so weak yet still i do this every day …
Enough of my confusion….the next poem name is Words.
Scars around your body
Blood flowing from your heart
to your vein through your skin
Splint in two by the red ***
Bruises internally . each word they said
scars your soul to hate this day
Words of regret, Words of mistakes
Words to make you not want to see another day
Knife to your heart, Blade to your soul
The last breath […]
The blade is calling your name.
You leave in a flood of pain.
Your heart falls out of your chest.
and here you are….
facing death.
Your tears they fall with magnitude.
These people don’t know what they did to you.
They killed your inner life and stole,
the only thing that made you whole.
You try to fight this blackened life,
you try so hard just to survive
And it takes all you got
not to grab a knife,
write out a letter,
and say goodbye.
And as I watch through windows,
that most call eyes,
I watch the world crumble,
I watch the worlds demise.
And I’ll […]
Hi, I dont know who to talk to or who to open up to because my pain is my pain. And no one can ease that pain. I sit here and I think that the people that said they love me or care for me but where are they now. It’s true, I’m going to be alone and no one to cry to or tell me we are going to get through this together. W hy have these men come into my life and took that one thing I CHERISHED. Therevare times whereby I just want to find that one blade that will end my […]
I look up and see the clouds above me. I feel pain and only pain when the rain falls. It feels like acid eating at my skin.
I feel pain with every key stroke on this post. I know you don’t get it. IT ALL HURTS.
I feel pain when see my phone, a piecing pain that shoots through me for every text from my so called friends.
The fake smile I put on for the world to see pulls on my heart telling me to cry. I stay dehydrated so IÂ don’t cry so none knows.
I stay strong don’t let it show. I see the faces of […]
~Broken~
When will you learn?
That I am not always going to be there
For you to vent you’re anger on,
That I am not a toy to you,
And you will push me to the brink
I will hurt, over and over,
Cutting deeper and deeper
Until everything in me is ruined,
Until I have hurt so much it isn’t possible to hurt any more.
When will you try?
To help me
To stop hurting me
To make me feel like I was supposed to be born
To help me not be afraid
Of you,
Of trusting you,
Of loving you,
’cause I can’t survive the destroying of my heart
I won’t always be able to pick up the pieces,
To mold them […]
Round and round the circle she spun
Hair pinned back by forceful gusts
Tripped and trapped with no way out
Round and round she spun forever
Salt streaks mark where tears had fallen
Her eyes hollowed by years of pain
Sweet misery and the blade that followed
Round and round the cirle she spun
Justice is a liar, truth set on fire
And all of the hurt is burning inside her
She never could hold on
Spinning as she plunged on down…
Currently we are studying the cold war in my history class, I think about how a war was never really fought. I realize that the fight between my heart and my brain is like the cold war except I am the only casualty my body and soul take a beating every day while my mind battles what my heart desperately wants…the sweet relief of death…the adrenaline caused by the blade and the worry that I will soon be caught…
Yesterday
I couldn’t sleep. I was tired, I was exhausted. But I couldn’t. It had been three hours since I had been trying to fall asleep.
It started to hurt, so badly.
The pain was growing and growing.
I kept scratching the skin in my chest, hoping to get the skin away, to rip my heart off.Â
At least that way it would stop hurting.
Then I went for a cigarette, trying to relax while listening to some music.
But when I came back to my room, my mind was set in what it wanted to do.
So I grabbed the blade, and rubbed it against my skin. And […]
rope, beam, stool, sits in a cardboard box, so a friend committed suicide by hanging, wife found him strangled on a beam located in master bedroom, been thinking about doing similar thing except its just me in the garage, my dad died when i was young, thats when i learned the true meaning of death, meaning your not coming back. told friends “hey i want to kill myself” in junior high, and high school, they looked at me weird yet it didn’t hit me as weird to do so. even my teachers noticed in my writing while doing essays in class. then i realized maybe […]
The first installment to the Notepad saga…. yep, that’s it.
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To Whom It May Concern,
You may think of me as stupid. Ugly. Dumb for meeting my 2 best friends over the internet. Meeting the love of my life over the internet. Stupid for writing this, but you don’t know how I feel. Let me tell you.
Living every day is a fuckin’ chore. Going to school is a chore. Walking, carrying everything I need, and just being on the computer with my love is a chore. Trying to survive without him actually being here is a chore. Without the people who truly understand me. Is it such a […]
Nothing is comfy to me, everything burns me. Thinking about past friends makes my heart break and thinking of all that could have been, makes me burn inside. I have the problem with no solution. The withdrawls are making the seconds which usually feel like minutes feel like hours. Waiting for nothing constantly. Still cant accept that I have to kill myself even though I know it. Maybe the doctor was right, the symptoms of feeling sick everyday are somatic, either way I feel it so real or not, its real. I feel fadingly disconnected from my own mind, I feel like I need to […]
I sit here. Staring blankly at nothing.
So many thoughts running through my mind.
It hurts, it burns.
Hatred flares through me like raging fire.
It doesn’t stop, it never will stop.
I hate all this, I hate myself.
I feel sick. I feel tired.
I reach my palms out and beg for help.
I wished there was someone who could understand.
I was wrong, so so wrong.
I went to someone whom I trusted.
I tried to tell him my pain, I prayed that he would understand.
But he just threw more daggers against my heart.
Not only didn’t he understand but he saw me mad.
He kept telling me how ungrateful I was.
That there were many people […]
So far I’ve posted story’s of love and death. Here’s just one more about love.
So for the longest time I was in love with this boy, if you’ve seen my other stories this is before Zach, but his name was Noah.
I know for sure, he won’t be reading this, or at least know who I am so it’s safe to use his name. But anyway on topic, Noah was what every girl wanted he was cute, taller than me, a good kisser, popular, athletic, captain of the football team, a slight accent, and a total gentlemen. He was just amazing. I fell for him, hard.
And […]
I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live either.
Maybe that’s not entirely true, sometimes I’d really like to die. Like the time I took twenty pills and stared up at the ceiling waiting for it all to be over. But something always pulls me back. Ten minutes into it, my little brother came in to comfort me. I had been upset after my mom had another one of her episodes and lashed out at me. He told me that she didn’t mean it and that he would be there for me. It was in that moment that I didn’t want to die […]
My name is Elora Schrader. I am thirteen years old, and I was hospitalized last March for an overdose of prescription drugs. My parents are druggies and drunks, and I beg for them to notice me, but nobody listens and nobody hears me cry. Because, in the here and now, nobody cares about anyone but themselves.
I have deconstructed a pencil sharpener, removing the blade. it is 10:35 PM. I will not do anything until 11:00. I hope that I will see or hear, something, anything to change my mind. I don’t WANT to do this again, but it is the only solution. Not just to […]