I’m sitting here at 4 in the morning because I’m in too much emotional pain to sleep. I can’t stand being myself. I care too much for my best friend. I don’t understand it. I think I love her as more than a friend, even though we are the same gender. I have to force myself to support her when she tells me that she wants to be with a guy. I have to sit and pretend she isn’t sleeping with someone else. I have to pretend I don’t love her because it would ruin our friendship. But I love this person so much. I care […]
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Closest Friend
Three years ago this summer I lost my father. He managed to make it to my graduation and my first summer semester in college. However, towards the end of that summer my father decided to take his own life. To be a victim of SUICIDE.
During that summer, I lost three of my best friends. Not cause of death, no. But because we split up and went to different universities around the state. We do still talk to each other from time to time, its just hard to find another group of people that you share some of the same interests in, the same personalities, and […]
I’m Lily, I’m 15- I have social anxiety and I have no friends- well I have fake ones 🙁
Every day I go to school I feel alone and awkward when my friends are with their friends. I’m just standing there, I wish I was confident enough to make other friends but I’m not. My closest “friend” does her best to make me feel out of place by ignoring me and leaving me out of things. I’ve tried to tell them how I feel twice but they must think I am just trying to get attention or something. In a way I am trying to get […]
Yesterday in a particularly bad time I decided I was finally going to end it. At that time (when I was clearly not thinking rationally), I was determined and committed. I have been depressed for a while but when this all happened something really horrible happened and I had no way to work through it on my own. I know everyone says that and I don’t want to say the entire story, but basically a person who had sexually, physically, and emotionally abused me for several years somehow got my contact information and called me just to fuck with my mind, and it set off […]
For so long…. My life has been one giant fuck up. I wont lie, Ive done a lot of bad things in my life. But thats not why I want my life to end…. A few years ago I lost my closest friend in the world. No, He didnt die… I suppose its best to start this story from the beginning. Please forgive me for my poor grammar and punctuation.
From the third week I was born, I had my friend Quinn. He was like a brother to me, He never dodged my questions when I was down and needing advice. He talked me out of […]
Yesterday I lost my closest friend. He just stopped talking to me, he won’t reply to me, and he usually replies really fast.
I know he hates me, but I don’t understand why.
He happens to be best friends with my worst enemy, and she tweeted indirectly “So glad he has finally seen your true colours”, but the thing is that I haven’t done anything that could make him angry at me.
He really liked me, and I don’t feel the same way about him, and when I told him that, he hated me, but then we sorted it out. He said he cared about me […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Recently my best friend(Shania), who I am so close to I consider a sister, lied to me. We started fighting when she started dating a guy named Anthony… When they were dating I told her “If you two do anything then you will loose respect that I have for you.” she told me she wouldn’t… they ended breaking up a few months later, then a few weeks later everyone started calling her ‘Squirt’ or ‘Squirtle’. I then asked them why they were calling her that, so they told me “Anthony and her had sex in the back of his car and it was all wet.” […]
You never know how alone you really are until you look around and no one is there. Yes, I have friends who say that they’re there for me, but are they really? Well, that’s what they want me to think. By them telling me that they are, they think I believe it. Where are they now? Where have they been? They may be here physically, right beside me most of the time, but they aren’t really. For the last two years I have suffered from depression, gone though a long phase of anorexia, bulimia and cutting, no one knows about my struggle other than my closest […]
I’m a 19 y/o girl who has done amazing things in life. People have told me this. I don’t feel amazing though. Yeah, I play the drums, attend culinary school, I’m known as the “church girl”. I never miss mass. Everyone see’s me with a smile. I don’t even want to smile. I’ve attempted suicide 3 times and no one knows that. I just saw a picture of someone with another person. Something I always was afraid of seeing. Someone who I gave my whole heart to…someone who I loved and cherished so much. I truly never got over this person. This is only part […]
Well i want to kill myself. Its been that way for a few years and i mad 1 attempt so far (not recently). If been abused a little as a child, my parents divorced due to my dads drug addiction when i was in 4th grade. I never had a single friend till sophomore year in high school. Every one hated me even tho i was the quiet sit in the corner kid. I was extreamly bullied till high school. The reason im still here is because the 1st friend i made in high school made me think that life is worth living. Eventually i […]
Hi all, in a way I not to sure what led me to this site, i guess I’m just looking for a place to vent how i feel without feeling like I’m “bringing people down” or in need of “growing up”.
I don’t really now where to start, kind of like how my life feels, just lost and floating around hoping for things to change or just get easier, lately iv felt so down i don’t know how to get back to feeling “OK”, I feel like i wake up each day expecting things to change but then i lie my head down at night and […]
The recession destroyed life as I new it. Having been laid off 3 times in 2 years, I left my home and started over in a new town. The first 10 months were a struggle to survive, and then it finally paid off. I landed my dream job. Still alone in this new place 800 miles from friends and family, I made the mistake of befriending a female co-worker. She approached me a couple of weeks after we both started working at the same company. She had moved to the same town with a boyfriend of 7 years and they had broken up. She was […]
After all the bullshit, the hospital, etc. I felt no more ‘better’ than I did before all of that crap (read my other posts to find the other shit I have been going through). I actually feel much much worse than before (this post explains most of it).
I was trying to find just one reason to stay alive, and figured I could make one with my XGF. I figured we could try things again. I figured I could stay permanently, and make the kid’s life better. Now that she has no chance, the poor kid will go through “father” after “father” after “father”. She claims […]
It sounds weird, but I’ve been in a way, staking your profile on here since you sent me your first post. That’s how much I care. Why? Because if you DO do it, I don’t want to learn from some depressing story on the news. Either way it wouldn’t be any fun… Maybe it’s because I don’t want another Aunt Cheri. Well, that’s actually one reason… Another reason? Because you are my closest friend. Even though I’ve only seen you in person twice, you are the only one that knows about 90% of my secrets. I just wish you would tell me when you want […]
I’m really confused right now, I told my closest friend today for the time that i cut, and she didn’t even seem to care. She just kinda blew it off, like I had just told her what I ate for lunch or something. What if my parents told her I had killed myself? Would she have cared then? I just am very confused on the whole situation…/: someone please help.
I have been planning for months. I told my friends and they don’t believe me. I told my therapist and she thinks I should go on medication. I have borderline personality disorder and ever since I have been diagnosed with it it has made me feel even worse. I never wanted an excuse. I don’t want to know the reasons why I act. I don’t want to realize that it’s my fault everyone has left me. So I’m done. I’m going to buy a couple bottles or boxes of pills from several stores so they can’t restrict what I buy. I’ll get alcohol from guys […]
Before, I tried suicide. Got locked up in a loony bin for a while. It’s never left my mind. I want it—even now. As we speak. I need it. But more than anything right now, I just want to talk to somebody. I don’t know. Here’s something I thought was the last thing I would ever write; guess I was wrong.
Throughout all the noise,
Withstanding all distraction.
The first form of a laugh,
Starting in your throat.
The calm overwhelms,
Takes Control;
Pats your hand, Strokes your hair.
Fatal Reassurance .
What you once feared most ,
Now your closest friend.
A smile on your […]
4 years ago, I tried to kill myself… the biggest regret in my life is that I failed. Today, my best friends mom called me to tell me that he no longer wants to be my friend. 22 years old and he can’t even tell me that himself??? I have stupid small medical problems, one after another, constantly holding me back from completely being healthy. Nothing major like cancer or anything, but still big enough to keep me down. And now this… my closest friend decides to drop me, and actually blocked my phone number so I couldn’t even ask him why. Why do I […]
I wrote my first blog here earlier last year:Â A Wasted Life… and hopefully my last is going to be posted sometime next year. This one was quite unplanned and most unexpected but after thinking about it for a little while, I just had to go ahead and write it… okay, so here goes. I live with two people who I greatly care for but one of them’s like seriously terminally ill and he isn’t really capable of taking care of himself anymore, he’s also extremely isolated now since he’s pretty well housebound most of the time. I’ve been living with him for years, trust me […]
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