I know its a lie. why do i live it? at every moment of serenity i feel like now i have seen it and now i am gonna maintain it. but only end up in this same wretched state. I am full of confusion. I don’t believe in anything anymore. why? because i am aware of its opposite too…i am aware that opposite also exists and with same conviction. and since both exists, i believe in none. This life as i am living now, i never considered it my true state, my true nature. I always feel like i am living it “just out of […]
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Conclusion
I wasn’t supposed to come home. My deadline is approaching and I have no opportunities left. I didn’t want to reach the age 16 but my birthday is less than two weeks away. And then school starts. And then as stupid as it sounds, I won’t have time to be suicidal. FUCK.
Story time:
I just returned from a family trip in Europe. We visited a bunch of cities and I thought maybe one would have a building I could throw myself off of. No such luck. I had only one chance but I couldn’t do it. I was in the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam, […]
Holy Neptune Batman! An even shorter poem!
Who is the end’s envoy?
Will its arrival be declared
With pomp and importance
Like a leader to a city endeared?
If it be such an obtuse show
Will it be righteous celebration
Or rage filled exclamation
Like our own universe’s consummation?
Perhaps the end will visit unnoticed
Conducting with the subtle poise
Of a rehearsed performance
Conclusion marked through but the lack of noise
Here I am
Here to stay
Fucking happy night and day
Your words mean nothing
Effecting me in no way
Because I am me
I am here to stay
Bully me yeah…that’s okay
I don’t listen anyway
You are big…
I’m not afraid
You Bully me
Call me gay
Hell yeah I’m gay
Gleeful everyday
You pick on me…if I do say
you’ll get it back soon one day
Yeah I’m a nerd
that’s all I get
that’s considered a compliment
I’m not like you an idiot
But do your worse
I am up for it
In conclusion
And in the end
Here I am
And dammit […]
About a week ago I found this site and decided to tell me story. There were some people who advised me to reconsider my suicide. The last couple of days I have been thinking, over thinking and rethinking the idea of taking my own life. And I have come to the conclusion that I will do it.
I know what it means to be death, there is no coming back or any way to reclaim your body. I’m calm about taking my own life because death, in my eyes, is a way to finally let everything rest.
“It’s not suicide if you’re already dead insideâ€.
Before I finally […]
What’s the point of even trying anymore? Â It’s clear that things will never change, these rash and stupid emotions that plague me daily will never stop no matter what drug I take or how high I get. I used to think it was just a phase, just something people go through but now I see that i’m not capable of being a “normal” person anymore, I have seen the world for what it truly is and no matter what therapy I try I can’t change how I see things. I turn 20 in august and I have so much fear of another year going by […]
I need to know that something in me is still striving for an existence. I need to know that all of me has not given up hope. I feel as though I am drowning in a sea of no emotion, and will soon be so overcome with boilng rage, that I will begin to hurt others. I fear for what is in my mind. I fear for how I will turn out. I tell myself that things will get better because I want so badly to believe it so. I want to believe so badly that things will be okay, and it will all work […]
I just can’t do this anymore. My “life” is nothing but pain after pain. Please give me physical pain. Anything but this burtal self pity/ emotional bull crap i’m feeling right now! I hate this. I hate myself for feeling this!
I have come to a point where i just don’t know what’s left for me anymore. I’ve experienced things, that humans want to. I’ve loved  both mentally and physically and i’ve been brought up in one of the world’s greatest and most beautiful cities but … Why do i still feel like this? There’s only one conclusion and that is; i’m fucking selfish as hell!
As […]
I’ve come to the conclusion that in my life it would be best if I felt nothing ever. I’m never really happy, but sadness, anxiety, anger, frustration tends to surround me completely at this point. I need to move along in my life and I think the only way I could do that is to feel nothing. I don’t want emotions. For me it’s either I wish to have never existed or feel nothing. I can only do one of those at this point. If anyone knows of antidepressant meds that could help me accomplish this? Or any other way?
like honestly, I think the […]
If you have a significant other, what is the right thing to do?
As far as relationships go, committing suicide is probably the worst thing you can do. Dumping the other person, whether in an ugly argument or just by packing up and disappearing, is a lot nicer than letting them find your messy corpse and having to deal with the cleanup, funeral, explanations and shame of it all.
I know when my time comes, I’ll end my life mercilessly without much thought. So I should probably prepare. I’ve come to the conclusion that, for me, encouraging someone to love me when I have no interest in […]
A week ago I had an intake with another mental health institution, because the therapy I have now at the moment won’t help me (the therapists told me after 6 months) and will end in a few weeks. Now I have therapy 5 days in a week from 9 am till 3 pm. The conclusion of the intake was that they think that a 24/7 therapy will help, but there’s a waiting list of 9 months for -.- . So they had the plan to observate me first, also 24/7, but another therapy. So in a few weeks I’ll have my intake for that 24/7 […]
Why did he ask me for a kiss? Why did he have to tell me he loved me? How come my heart told me over and over again he meant it? I felt like I was floating even though he was wrapping his arms around me, telling me to never go. His laugh made me smile. His touch was felt everywhere and the way he kissed me tugged on my heart. Why did he have to fill my head with all these lies? Why couldn’t he just tell me he wanted one thing? It would have been easier. Why did he make me feel higher […]
I’ve been trying to discover some meaning in life but keep coming to the conclusion that there isn’t one, because there isn’t. I wish I had a delusion like most people in order to get some fulfillment out of this, but I don’t, I never have, and I can’t lie to myself to create one. I’m too much of a realist, and I see how shitty this world is, and how pointless it all is and I just don’t want to be a part of it. I really hate life. Not mine in particular, although mine does indeed suck in many ways, but life in general. I […]
Yesterday in a particularly bad time I decided I was finally going to end it. At that time (when I was clearly not thinking rationally), I was determined and committed. I have been depressed for a while but when this all happened something really horrible happened and I had no way to work through it on my own. I know everyone says that and I don’t want to say the entire story, but basically a person who had sexually, physically, and emotionally abused me for several years somehow got my contact information and called me just to fuck with my mind, and it set off […]
And I have come to the conclusion I cannot continue or bear my university classes anymore. I am done with everything. I am done with my fucking life. I have purposely sabotaged everything I have been working for so I could find myself closer to committing because I don’t want to live. My entire life has been the most mundane and horrible life imaginable, everyday is like groundhogs day basically.
I promised myself sometime last week that I will kill myself sometime in June or May, but I may decide to live longer if Britney Spears announces some news about her 8th album and/or releases her lead single off […]
Im pissed off with my so called life. I have no one, not one person who calls me. not one “real” friend! I have come to the conclusion that no one gives a shit. Most days i wonder around town aimlessly with my son and its as if im a ghost no one talks to me i feel so alone. And them false people who pretend they give a shit just makes me want to punch there horrible faces in. My boyfriend doesnt understand how i feel i tell him i feel suicidal and hes like you’ll be ok!! I feel like theres no hope […]
Well I’m not sure where to start with this post . . .
I feel rather blank for a while. I’m hardly doing any of my school work and have been failing for a while, that’s probably the worst. I’m a bit uncertain of my social situation you see I really only have two friends who I still hang out with sort of often, but for a while now their interest in video games have dissipated, something im still very into. I still have fun with them but as they get more social and, despite their encouragement, really have lost interest in hanging out with them. […]
I was going to post a short story and pose the question whether or not my life has been worthwhile and ask myself if I would be better off never being born or committing suicide as a teenager. (I am a lot older now). It got rather long.
Of late my rants have gotten rather lengthy and I found this one to be getting the same. I am not sure that my condensed life story and my trials and tribulations would help anyone on this list except the elderly. Old people seem to be a great minority at this web site. I decided to sit on […]
Death. Must be completely peaceful with no worries just soft waves of pure nothingness, I’m contemplating it once again, 2nd attempt hopefully my last. I want to die so badly it’s like that feeling you have when you really want a new tattoo or a new pair of shoes it’s all you think about that’s how it is for me and dying I want it and I can’t seem to think straight because of how much I want and need death upon me. But as with everything there’s an exception I don’t want death being FAT, I suffer from anorexia, and schizotypal PD and I […]
I’ve come to a conclusion: I’m insane. I used to think that I was just unique, then again, my young, naive eyes sought for any and everything that would make things better.
Looking at some of the crap other people have gone through and comparing their situations to mine, I feel like an ass. I really should be grateful for my life, but instead, I’m here, desperately seeking someone, even someone who is quite possibly as unstable as I am, to give me a reason. Just one.
I guess I should just get to my privileged-child sob story. Where should I start? Ah, yes, […]
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