For the past ten years i have been struggling with depression. i don’t know when the suicidal thoughts began… i felt so alone like no one could understand what i felt the way i felt it. i could not tell anyone how i felt up until two or three years ago. and even then, nothing changed for the better for me. i always wanted everything bad to stop. all the yelling, all the drinking and drugs… everything gone. i hated the way that everyone seemed oblivious to the pain i felt and it seemed like they didn’t care enough about me to even stop and […]
Tag:
Depression
Depression is very common in my family! In fact almost everyone on my mothers side suffers from some form of depression or mental illness. As I sit watching my happy and very silly baby boy run around the yard I am plagued with the crippling fear of passing on my depression to him. I can’t bear the thought of one day Broox wanting to take his own life or harming himself in any way. I wish there was a way I could scoop him up and hide him away so he is always this happy, silly, giggly care free beautiful boy that he is right […]
My mum used to be my best friend. While I was attending high school, we used to commute together, so we grew really close, spending two hours in the car together every day. When we stopped commuting, it wasn’t as easy, but we still spent a lot of time together. I felt like I could tell her anything. My brother is verbally abusive to me, and she has always been there to help me handle him.
Ever since she started dating, though, it’s like I’ve fallen off the face of the planet. She works during the week and will go to his place after an hour […]
A poem/song that I wrote 3 days before being admitted into a hospital for a suicide attempt.
I can’t even function
I mean there’s no reason
Why try for no cause?
Fuck everything, fuck it all
I give up
I can’t keep up
No motivation
To keep me going
I’ve tried so hard
Only to be let down
My heart’s broken into shards
I guess this is punishment
For having hopes high
While my feet were on the ground
My lips can’t crack a smile
My throat can’t muster a laugh
It’s been a long while
Since I’ve been put down this bad
I guess I had […]
Okay, well this is my story..
I’m quite young and I’m broken. I’m depressed and suicidal, clearly.. and i selfharm. I put on the fakest smile every single day. I’m miserable, I just want to be dead, to be free, to be happy. I have tried to take my own life many times, I don’t really have a massive story. But my depression has taken over me, my self eestem is horrible, I can’t leave the house without crying, I’m horribly fat and aswell so ugly. I hate leaving the house because I usually don’t have the nicest clothes because i’m not rich, my family struggles […]
Okay I have had depression and suicidal thoughts since I was in my mid-teenage yrs. I’ve always blocked it out of my mind and hid it and was in complete denial. I actually started admitting to it about a yr and a half ago, but I’ve started dealing with it in the last month especially in the last week. I was always told by churches that you’ve got power of these things that all you have to do is pray and God will take care of them. Greater is He that is in you than He that is in the world. I believe in God […]
my therapist told me today that  because medicine didnt help, my depression is the fault of the way i choose to act and interpret things. so basically its all my fault im depressed. fuck the world.
Shouldn’t we all be helping each other, not encouraging to commit?
My face.
My body.
My voice.
My personality.
My scars.
My depression.
My parents.
My sisters.
The fact that I’m alive.
I don’t want to be breathing anymore.
I don’t want to exist.
I hate everything about me.
My depression started when I was around 6 years old. Â It started when I was sexually abused by my cousin and his dad. At the time I didnt know what was wrong and what was right, how could I? I was just a little kid. All that ended when I was 13 years old. The sad part of my story with them is that their family is seen as the perfect family. All the kids in that family were well mannered, smart, went to good schools etc. I never told anyone what happened, because….. I didnt want to hurt my family, and I didnt know […]
I hit a new low last night. There is one person who, without fail, makes me happy – even if said happiness is fleeting. However, last night, I was so close to cancelling our catch-up because I just didn’t feel like catching up.
We did catch up, and I’m glad we did … in a way.
What it has gone and done is confirmed that I’ve pretty much invested 18 years of my life in the wrong person. Not helpful.
I also feel under siege at work. My depression has got to a point where it has noticeably affected my work, and my boss’s boss had to have […]
ok so i thought i just put everything bout my family in one post.
My dad: drug addict. been high for bout 30 years, off pain killers from his multiple surgeries. when he has been off i can tell cuz he is nice i know when he is taking them cuz his patience is screwed over and he is a dick. he has depression also.
My mom: is an assumer she will never listen to me i will be in the middle of a sentence and she automatically thinks the worst case scenerio. causing ***** fight after ***** fight. when she is stressed she turns […]
Ok. So my step dad is taking my little twin sisters.. Just when we started becomming a real family again.. Jade os okay with it.. She wants to but Brianna is unsure. How is a child sopossed to choose between her mom and sister and he twin sister. God im so scared.. Everythings falling apart.. My mom is becomming depressed.. My depression is getting worse.. It doesnt help that my step dad is addicted to the computer.. He cant even cook himself a meal.. He is late for work EVERY SINGLE DAY. He wont be able to get up and get my sisters to school.. […]
a gift from God, does that mean depression also is ? how do you return the gift without causing pain to other God’s children ?
So today is the 30.07.12, and today I have given myself one year too think it over, to plan it and too decide if  it’s truly what I want.
My boyfriend, he left me today. He has no answer, he won’t even talk too me. Fact is I was very reliant on him.
I just can’t cope, and I can’t live like this. So one year today I will decided whether to kill myself or not.
As a child, I was sexually abused  by three girls, and one guy. I was physically and mentally abused by my sister. I was tormented and at age 11 I started too […]
Hello.
This is my note. This is the only place my note will ever be, because I’m too much of a coward to actually go through with this.
I’m nothing, I mean nothing to myself. I would really rather disappear into nothing. Scatter myself into a thousand and one atoms, floating peacefully in space. Instead I’m stuck here, in this colourless hell. The only person i can talk to won’t listen, I can’t tell her anyway. I love her too much to let her bear this.
Anyway, my name is Sian. I’m nearly sixteen, I have blonde hair and brown eyes. I’m a dancer, that’s how I define […]
I posted a while back explaining a lot of what has been happening that has driven me back into a depression i had finally escaped last summer. I’ve been trying to figure out who i am to see if maybe i can convince myself that i actually deserve this life i’ve been given. But i honestly don’t know who i am, and i don’t think i ever did. I put a mask on when i was young so no one would see that i was slowly dying inside, and i lost whoever i was to this mask. I feel almost no emotions anymore, i force […]
In the past ten months the following has happened:
Sept: My grandpa was missing for three days. He was found alright. However I had to face the fact that both him and I would tell each other we were ok, while we were both falling apart. And my ‘boyfriend’ came home from a summer away and went back to being emotionally abusive.
Oct: My friend/boyfriend continued to be abusive, and also was struggling with depression. At the end of the month I had to call his mom because he was suicidal. He hated me for it.
November: My little brother had a seizure and was […]
“I am my heart’s undertaker. Daily I go and retrieve its tattered remains, place them delicately into its little coffin, and bury it in the depths of my memory, only to have to do it all again tomorrow.”  — Emilie Autumn (The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls)
I had my first suicidal thought at the age of eight. Two years later, I had what I referred to as “my contingency plan”, consisting of a lethal OD of my mum’s prescribed potassium chloride pills. It was a strange comfort to know that, if everything ever became too much, there was something I could DO, something I actually had […]
I’m just going to talk in a general rant manner, so sorry to anyone reading this if I switch back and forth randomly.
I want to kill myself, but I am too weak to do it. Too weak, too much of a coward. I want to die and become non existent. Die and finally be free from this shit fucking life, free from my depression, free from my pain. I can’t bring myself to do it though. I can’t even bring myself to really hurt myself. I don’t like being hurt and obviously I’m subconsciously terrified of death or I would have killed myself by […]