It’s like being at sea and seeing a hurricane approaching. Same feeling in the pit of your stomach, the awe at the power of the beast called nature.
It sucks when every week becomes another storm to weather. I can’t remember the last time where I wasn’t terrified.
I just want want some relief. How have I sinned to deserve this shit being thrown at me?
Today I have a loss again. Someone who I thought I loved and loved me back. Someone who I sacrificed for once upon a time. Someone who I fought for once upon a time. Someone who once upon a time gave me a reason to hold on. Someone who once made me feel warm. Someone for whose sake I picked up the pieces even though I was broken and left dead once.
But I don’t need anyone who doesn’t appreciate me, right? They don’t deserve me. And I myself don’t deserve to keep struggling stupidly for someone who doesn’t appreciate my efforts.
From now onwards I will […]
Hello all. This is my first post so please bear with me. I am a 35 yo female struggling with several mental illnesses including chronic depression and Borderline personality disorder. Im not sure how i should be anymore because everything i have tried f-ed things up. I finally have gotten to the point i understand im not lazy, faking, seeking attn or looking for an excuse. However, it does not take away the Emptiness inside. Nor does it take away the feelings of wanting to commit suicide. I don’t understand why even on my good days small things can happen and i think i dont […]
Two month going strong. To months I had enough strengt in me that i could actually feel, but it was slowly deteriorating with every little thing that happened it took a little bit of stength away till i finally hit my breaking point. The point where all the pain caused me to go numb. I needed to feel something. Love wasnt gonna happen happiness was a long way away sadness has been around to much and decided to go on vacation. Even my good friend fear wasn’t around. My best bet was pain. As i sit in a room only dimly lit only by the […]
Maybe she is the smart one. Maybe I am just rotten inside. Maybe I was so horrible to her that she cant forgive me. I didnt think I was. I loved her with everything I am but maybe the stupid mistakes I made were that horrible. She is better off without me. I dont deserve anyone, especially her. She is amazing. I am nothing. I mean why would anyone want to be with someone who cuts themselves? She should run away. Run far away Bonney. Get away from this monster you were with. She deserves happiness and I cant give that to her. She wants […]
I lost my eldest son to suicide 7 years ago. Since then all the hopes and dreams I had have gone to hell. my daughter-in-law can’t admit to me the problems she has coping with me and the hurt I have to live with so she ignores me. This wouldn’t matter but it means I don’t get contact with my grand daughter and she doesn’t see how that hurts me. But wait there’s more: my only other son suffers from borderline personality disorder and takes everything that goes wrong in his life out on me. I lent him money 3years ago to get him out […]
every single time someone looked me in the eyes and asked me why I couldn’t do it, I would tell them it was because of you. I couldn’t imagine putting you through that. I never wanted you to have to worry about me. I was suppose to take care of you, I was suppose to be the one burying you, in many, many years. but here I am, the rope already tied. I’m going to use the chair I’m sitting on, it’s from the kitchen table I hope you don’t mind.
don’t blame yourself because you did everything you could. and please don’t mourn because we […]
I guess most people here have a reason to be depressive, either their hard childhood or a disease or whatsoever.
I was bullied all trough highschool and all but after highschool life was pretty good, from abou 16 to 19 my life was somewhat normal, had lots of relationship and sex, i was passionate i had friends, all that jazz, but then came hypothyrodism and it just went downhill from there and now im almost 25 and its been a damn hard ride with about 10% good time and 90% horrible aching depressing inside pain. For a while the huge amount of hair loss from thyroid […]
I’m not good enough for anyone to just love me. It’s all I ask for in this life, I just want someone to love me wholey and honestly but I guess I just don’t deserve that. I guess god thinks I don’t deserve to be happy. I hear the voice in my head everyday that tells me over and over “you’re not good enough, no one really loves you, you’re a disappointment to everyone, just do the world a favor and end it.” And right now that sounds like a good idea. I want to die, slowly and painfully, none of this quick and painless […]
i feel so alone.everything i do feels wrong the only thing that helps is to sleep and drink.to be honest i just want to sleep,drink,and have sex.i should be dead i deserve to be dead but only the good die young,i guess ill be loving forever.please help
for years now i’ve been a zombie with one though on my mind
one cold endearing constant thought through the good times and the bad it remains lingering in my mind like the stale smell of smoke in the room around me.
everyday i wake up i wish that i hadn’t and when i go back to sleep i wish never to wake again
a useless ****** like me doesn’t deserve to live anyways i just wish it were easier to do
i know i can get help and i know that things can get better with effort but i also don’t care i dont want things to get […]
her name is called Love. She made me  feel normal and warm. Her son was called Hope. Love and Hope are gone. Cold black death made me evil and made me betray them. I am evil, i deserve to die, but death saves me for later. I cant cope. Life is a lie. please death,that made me evil, come kill me quick. (im going to probably kill myself soon). PS. i am not a nice person.
A lot has been changing in my life lately.  With all the treatment shit and then I got a therapist.  I don’t really know if the therapy helps.  Professional help is just not my  thing.  Lately I haven’t been feeling like myself.  I haven’t been on here for weeks and it’s like a large chunk of my life is missing as odd as that sounds.  I thought I had come to a point where I didn’t have to rely on SP anymore, truth is, it has made me half of who I am.  I feel like I’m going crazy, god damn it.  At least crazier […]
I think about it all the time… at least a few times a day. Suicide. I dont think about how it would affect others.. i dont think about anything but myself. But i never seem to care. I want it so bad in so many different ways. But then i see this kid.. i see how their family and friends are effected. How sad it makes everybody and how much it makes other ppl appreciate their lives and their friends and families lives. Its a curse and a blessing at the same time. It doesnt make me want to end things any less, but it […]
I’ve tried to kill myself about .. 7 times. I’ve tried hanging.. Ended up blacking out and waking up to Demond’s and evil thing coming after me. I’ve overdosed 3 times. That ended with throwing up water and sleepless nights with ringing ears and sweaty palms. I was recently in a psychiatric hospital. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and severe depression. They put me on 3 different medications.. But I don’t take them. They make me foggy. I feel like people can read my thoughts and control them. I hear a man talking to me all the time. His name is 6. He leaves mean […]
I just feel like im drowning all the time. No, not drowning, sinking, rather. Silently sinking without a sound, with no one noticing. But then i guess i deserve no one noticing, since im quite possibly one of the worst friends ever to all my friends and im pretty sure my boyfriend is getting kind of sick of me as well. I just feel so depressed all the time, and its not like a really have much of a reason to be feeling like this because like ive never been abused or anything so its so stupid that i feel this way but i just […]
I’m freaking out. I’m fucking freaking out. I can’t wait anymore. I want her. I want her to want me. Why is she taking so much time ? Why doesn’t she miss me ? Why doesn’t she come back regretting everything and saying I’m the love of her life ? It’s not fair. Stupid shitty life. I don’t deserve this and I’m sick and tired to collapse under your vicious hits. This girl is meant for me and she doesn’t even realize it. She doesn’t even want me. What will I do, alone and miserable in my stupid small apartment. Without her. Without everyone.
I won’t […]
What did I do that was so bad to deserve this? Why do I have to feel miserable my whole life I can’t ever have any happiness. As soon as I thought I found Somone that really made me forget about all my problems. “Snap” it’s gone I’m accepting that fact that iv lived alone my show life so I’m going to die alone. That’s fine but I wish I can just die why do I have to go though hell my whole life and kill my self why can’t got just kill me already. Their is no plan for me things aren’t going to […]
The sun and the trees have life,
The people walking by infectious of there media ridden minds have life..
The sheep of the masses
Do they deserve to be slaughtered due to ignorance?
Or should they be applauded for enjoying life?
These decisions have not been left to me nor do I want to make this choice.
The only choice I want is to end my pain and suffering
A lifetime of addiction and hurting others is all I’ve managed.
I am the American Psycho watching others pass by; testing the boundaries of reality.. what if I fell off this bridge onto these cars?
What […]
Well, it’s officially clear. I am absolutely worthless and can’t do anything right.
I try to make people laugh, and it is instantly qualified as “begging for attention”, unless someone else does/says it, in which case, it’s hilarious.
I try to help out around the house and I get in trouble for not doing it right and yelled at because I am not my brother or sister.
I try to be myself and I get hated for it.
If I were to list all of the things I did wrong, the list would go on forever. I am a worthless screw-up and the world would […]
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