I’m not doing well tonight. Got in a fight with my boyfriend. It wasn’t a huge fight or anything but it just left me feeling so bad. We had a nice dinner planned. Well, he did. Then one little thing I didn’t do set him off and now he’s sleeping but he made himself something to eat. It’s absolutely stupid really. He was mad because didn’t have a beer for him when he got home from work. Nevermind the fact I was on my way back from the store when he happened to get home an hour early. No use explaining. I really didn’t feel […]
Well I made it out alive once more, not sure how I feel about that. Actually just woke up. After more shit was thrown on my already full plate, I lost it and raged like I tend to do. So after being up for 3 days partying, rippin the scooter down the highway at 120+ enough alcohol and other things that would kill a herd of elephants, sleeping for another day. I woke up, but instead of being pissed off because I did wake like usually do, I woke up and thought of the people that I’ve met here that have showed me love […]
Please, can somebody help, even if it is just to talk? I’m at my wit’s end.
I’m no kid, I’m well old enough to remember the 80s. So, couple of years ago, I was getting on for that age when life begins (you know when I mean?) and thinking about being lonely. I’ve never dated anybody…hell, I’ve never done anything even most 13 year olds have done. Total level 1 noob at my age, ha.
Sure, I’d had offers but I was a robot who couldn’t feel romantic love. I felt nothing for those who had offered, so I turned ’em down (in a nice way, I aint […]
I’m 32, I failed at life. I suffer from PTSD because of sexual abuse during my childhood. I’m seeing a therapist, I’ve had lots of therapy in the past and I just can’t seem to get myself together. I hate it, I feel lonely. I know I don’t want to die but this is not living either. Ptsd symptoms started showing about 10 years ago when I fell in love, we broke up 1,5 years ago. I just felt like I was getting worse and worse. It’s hard to come by financially and I’m just tired of fighting of feeling like this . I’m done […]
It’s not even 6:00 am, it’s not even a week day and yet here’s life giving me more shit. Seems to be a never-ending vicious cycle and I’m just about fed up. As far as I’m concerned life can go fuck itself, and I use the word life loosely because this ain’t no life. Sometimes things get taken away to free up your hands for something better ??? I’m calling bullshit. Life feels like a bully sometimes, and when a bully takes your stuff, you don’t get nothing back, let alone something better. Well I say Fuck You […]
When you feel your insides getting brittle.
When the day has done your mind more whittle.
Lighten the mood for just a little…
Wipe from your lips the sorrow’s spittle.
Appease your spirit’s daily kittle,
and think twisted thoughts, smile a little.
Hello. I’m just not feeling it. I have a few more weeks left to go. No energy to get the stuff done though. I’m starting to get spastic. I have a feeling something is suppose to be happening now, but I just don’t know what it is. Like something is missing. My head is starting to feel a bit compressed. I feel like I need to be somewhere, I just don’t know where. Everything is out of place and it is starting to get annoying. I’m not too sure. It’s like I’m not suppose to be here. Well thank you for listening.
I’ve been crying more and more often. I’m going on 57 years old, I’ve been living with HIV for almost half of my life, and in recent years I’ve been becoming increasingly resigned to the prospect of finishing out the rest of my life alone and unloved. I’ve been in two 5-year relationships in the past, both with guys who knew of my HIV status and accepted it, but ultimately decided that the grass on the other side of the fence was just a bit greener. It’s been 12 years since I’ve had the simple pleasure of walking up in the morning WITH someone else.
A […]
So I know I want to be done, I just can’t go on anymore, but I’ve been stuck on the best way to go through with it.
First thought was just a knife stab to the chest. But that’d be very painful, and to increase likelihood of success is have to remove the knife post-stab, which I just don’t know how that would go down.
Then I thought about gas. Helium or ********. Wearing one of the nose/mouth masks carpenters wear, sticking a tube in it with duct tape eliminating gaps with the hose attached to a tank of helium/********.
Would this work?
I posted a while ago about a test I was having done. I got the results today……..
I Have to go back in for surgery because they found some pre cancerous cells and need to be sure there is not cancer hiding behind the small sample they took.
Not much in my life can be a simple yes or no UGHHHHH
This is a scenario I have played out a few times in my mind. I sometimes wish I had an observer so I could show them all the mental suffering I go through on a daily basis. Everything from how interactions with people is basically me being an anxious, dumb minded wreck to seeing how little enjoyment I get from the things I should be enjoying.
Ideally the observer should be placed in my head and feel the same things (ooo maybe a cool sci fi story can be made about this). They eventually will soon realize that something must be done and this state cannot […]
Hello. This is my first post. I guess I have a lot on my mind. I’m really tired. My parents were having another conversation behind my back. The usual. I’m kind of a disappointment to them. I flipped a coin today to see weather I would kill myself. Heads I keep going. It landed on heads. I doubt I would’ve done anything if it landed on tails. I stopped having these thoughts for a while. They kind of resurfaced. Its been a few weeks now. My head is throbbing. Made a fake email so I could sign up. If my parents found out it would […]
I can’t do this, anymore. I’m done. I don’t even care about the mess or scarring my family, anymore. Here’s hoping I don’t see everyone on the other side too soon. Cheers! *drinks my fizzy chocolate milk*
I’ve dabbled at looking at posts on this site before. I have to say there is a lot of strength and a lot of pain by those that post. I don’t particularily know why I’m posting this, I guess I just need to tell someone with an outside opinion.
I’m a Marine veteran who has done two deployments to Afghanistan. I’ve seen some things and done things that will haunt me until I die and the people I try to reach out to never fully understand it. I’ve been out of active duty for over a year now and all I feel is regret. […]
I’ve been away from sp bc I was staying with family to help my mom who was here (NY) from Florida. I got home yesterday and I haven’t moved from my couch since except for the bathroom. I haven’t showered, eaten, unpacked my bags or done anything. I’m starving but I don’t care. I don’t even have the will to get up and eat. I see no point to doing a damn thing. I wonder how long it would take for me to starve to death. Probably too long. I’m just lying here staring at the wall. I feel paralyzed by hopelessness. How does one […]
I know I’ve already posted tonight, but I couldn’t get rid of my energy. I ended up working on this drawing of Oliver Sykes and Josh Franceschi.
It’s not finished – I still need to work into their faces and tweak some of their facial features- but I’m about to move on to doing something completely unrelated, and I thought I’d post what I’ve done so far while I’m still somewhat focused on it. It’s good enough considering the state I’m in right […]
depression anxiety suicidal insomnia paranoia self harm BPD Adha are done
🙂 how is everyone
I always want to remember how we would walk down that trail to look at the river and how we left school a couple times just to go there. I want to remember how one time you took me to the little store by your house through the woods, and how you would cancel plans just to be with me. I want to remember when we were laying under the blankets on your bed (which we would do often) and we would just lay there in each others arms under the blankets. I want to remember how you smell, how you had that certain cologne […]
So I’ve been crying for the last hour overdon’t the shit my brother threw at me all his words nasty bitter angry words… Saying I can’t do this can’t do that I’m not doing anything. Everything I do is wrong I’m never right I’m stupid never gonna get a job. Useless, worthless leach. I fucking stood up to him to some degree before the tears came rolling in I feel like clawing skin till it burns and bleeds I need to feel pain I want to feel pain. But I feel nothing I feel empty cold and bitter I’m numb from his words. I’m so […]
Tired. Depressed. And planning. Im done. Even my body feels like a thousand pounds. Feels like i cant even lift my arms. WTH Why does this world even exist? What is the point? Maybe this is hell and being here is my punishment for something. I just want to sleep now Goodnight