I haven’t cried in years, but I cry often now.
I cried today because a teacher sent me a letter. I’ll probably fail that class. The message was from a month ago, but I was too scared to open my inbox until now.
I cried the other day because my sister ate a plate of spaghetti that my mum made for me, it was left in the fridge for when I got back home. I’d only eaten a few biscuits in two days, I was hungry. But I was too tired to cook anything now that I had no pasta, so I didn’t eat this […]
I’m watching a tokusatsu or a Japanese superhero mini-series about these creatures called Amazons. The Amazons need to eat protein to stay alive but after a period of time, they lose control and start to consume all sources of protein… It is sort of like Tokyo Ghoul in a few ways.
I feel like an Amazon on the verge of going berserk right now… I want to devour others… So…
Can I devour anyone here?
I’ll have no choice but to kill myself. I know how much harder it is to do and how much more painful it will be, being as obese as I am. But I have no choice. $1200 to the IRS this year with a potential $6000 for next year, only making half of what I made last year, $800 rent to not be homeless, then they demand $500/mo now for my student loans when I don’t even fucking have money to eat any god damn thing at all now. Life isn’t fucking worth it. I can’t be homeless or survive prison being unable to walk […]
I think I have the flu. Last night at work which was a horrible night in itself I started to feel weak tired headachy and sore. Kept having to sit down. Felt like I was burning up, later on found a thermometer and at 100.7 I definitely confirmed my suspicions. My mood took a hard crash in the meanwhile, feeling overly hopeless. I slept on and off for most of the past day, about to go back to sleep again. I am too tired to feel much of anything right now. I’ve only been awake because the animals gotta eat and I finally felt hungry […]
“We’re animals, and we’re on this hunk of Earth hurdling through space. There’s no meaning to life. There’s no purpose. It’s completely absurd and pointless, and we’re just creatures crawling around trying to have sex, and eat, and have shelter. And the only thing that’s for sure is that we’re going to decay and die, just as our ancestors did, and just as our progeny are going to, and that’s it. Does that sound good? That doesn’t sound too good.” – Jeff Greenberg (Flight From Death – Documentary)
It’s like a taste in my mouth..
Yes a taste, very faint, but still there
I can just see myself. Released into space
Suffocating from the lack of oxygen
Just so peacefully dying
I don’t want to blink and be dead
No…I want to feel it…to feel it slowly slipping away
I have these day dreams, where I’m in Chernobyl..
Walking down the street wearing the uniform of one of the original fire men..helmet to boots…
Just walking the empty city like a zombie
Letting the radiation turn my skin pail, my veins showing like I’m some kind of junkie,
A Fox walks up and asks? […]
And the worst part is I don’t even OWN a dog.
Anyway, woke up today with a terrible earache, which probably means my ear infection came back.
Hurts to eat or drink anything (chewing and swallowing, ouch).
It even hurts to talk.
So here I am, sitting quietly at home, eating and drinking nothing.
Should I stay or should I go? If you love someone but you are causing them harm mentally should you stay? Even if you two love each other? This decision is killing me. Everyone that im around I effect in a negative way. My emotions are to strong. When im depressed and dont eat others around me do everything in their power to cheer me up and when that fails they go from understanding to being annoyed at me. It makes me feel like shit. Even right now, sitting among a friend watching Bobs Burgers for the first time Im trying not to freak out. […]
I’ve been away from sp bc I was staying with family to help my mom who was here (NY) from Florida. I got home yesterday and I haven’t moved from my couch since except for the bathroom. I haven’t showered, eaten, unpacked my bags or done anything. I’m starving but I don’t care. I don’t even have the will to get up and eat. I see no point to doing a damn thing. I wonder how long it would take for me to starve to death. Probably too long. I’m just lying here staring at the wall. I feel paralyzed by hopelessness. How does one […]
I’m so tired of being tired. I don’t have the energy or focus to do anything worthwhile. I can’t move forward – I don’t have the strength. I struggle to even do the bare minimum. I’m just here, slowly decaying. I’m scared to give up – to die. But nothing will change if I stay. I can’t sleep properly. I can’t eat without stomach pains. I can’t be around people without gut wrenching anxiety. This isn’t some temporary stage that’ll pass. This is me.
I’m just here, not dying, not really living. It could be worse. It probably will get worse.
I don’t know how to live […]
I am so disappointed in myself… last week I finally seemed to get a grip on my Psyche but nope.
This morning the voices and the doubts and the fear crashed back into my consious like a Bulldozer with airhorns.
The laughter, taunting and insults returned blarring in my head… it is so loud. I can’t eat or drink, I get sick from it.
Thanks to this I tried on a large plastic bag to see if it was suitable and to remove any anxiety once I hopefully get the strenght to fucking end this shit.
Talking with friends pushes them away each time. Shit, I lost a promising […]
I love how when every body talks about my in-laws and parents and how my parents are over reacting for no reason(they kinda are). No one talkes about the two years of mental abuse from the in laws .the man reason why I din’t want to go to tahoe in there first place . but Im on my way and on my way to death mentaly emotionally hope full pyschicly too Im so tired .
gonna go have to break the news to my rents and eat shit whoo.
I took too many sleeping aids last night, so this morning I feel kind of awful.
Apparently, sleeping aids do strange things to anxiety.
I’m waiting for a therapist to call me back so we can discuss if we’d be a good match.
I’m so tired. And so scared. And so sad.
I want to treat myself to some good Tex-Mex, because it sounds very comforting right now and I want to eat queso and quesadillas. I don’t think I can drive in this state, though. I shouldn’t risk it.
Does anyone else feel like they are programmed to self-destruct?
Trying to be happy and supportive for someone you care about when you’re just broken inside and watching them live the dreams you’ve always wanted to reach is such a test of your kindness and acceptance. When you know your dreams are going under-appreciated, you don’t have the ability to reach them, and it’s just handed to someone who doesn’t even know how much it pains you to see them there where you should be, your heart just shatters.
You bite your lip to keep them from knowing you hate them inside. You crawl into bed early and force yourself to eat when you’re no […]
I’m waiting until morning to blow a gasket. Because once everyone leaves, hes going right to bed and will get pissed off at me for talking about it. I’m so frustrated. I’m not ok tonight. So much anger, so many thoughts. It’s going to eat me alive, and fast.
i wonder how much more can a fragile mind take before it cracks and you become a sociopath/psychopath
like fuck me im on my way there depressed suicidal anxious insomnia depersonalisation borderline personality disorder self harming If I run around cutting my self thats pretty much ok but if I do it to another person I’m a psychopath right ? Haha I think I need to be put away in a padded room with one of them hug yourself jackets til they can give us brain transplants or we wire this 1 cause it’s pretty message up
god dishing out any miracles ?
My prays go unanswered I’m […]
In my opinion Stephen Hawking is one of the smartest scientists since Einstein forth. What amazes me at him is that despite saying that he is an atheist in 2014, he said once that “GOD” ( creator, divine force, some force of intelligence, etc) may exist, but he should give us more evidence about him. He is really smart because open minded scientists take in account all possibilites and he is not arrogant like the mainstream atheists are . And…he is an example for us all. He can’t walk and move, eat properly or do anything properly and there he is having a family and […]
So for the longest time, I have had this paranoia that I was being poisoned by my folks.. every time I would eat something they made I would immediately start feeling sick, my throat started burning, my chest and stomach started hurting and I got really bad headaches later on. I’ve been trying to avoid there food for a while but I had to yesterday morning, they were watching. The same thing happened. I couldn’t take it anymore, immediately I started searching around for shit I can be poisoned with. I then found this on the bottom of one of my families bag. is this […]
And I think it’s working. I don’t feel as bad, as bad I already do. I’m sad ofcourse and thats really all but I’m doing things. Keeping up brushing my teeth and trying to eat better. That’s it SP.
I have an English persuasive speech due.
Not to worry, its for the 7th of April,
I’ll be dead on the 6th.
We still have to do the work. All the writing and stuff. This gives me extreme anxiety. My heart keeps racing. I’m very panicked. Practice it in front of our class, get graded on it.
Wanted to do it on Euthanasia, but its going to be legalized soon here, so whats the point in going FOR it?
I’d go against it, but what arguments can I possibly have?
I’m very stressed.
This persuasive essay thing gives me so much anxiety.
I can’t eat or sleep or think. I feel horrible.
I’d kill […]
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